Stuck in a Rut

Hi Kathleen

Keep up the good work that you do, thanks for responding..

Hi Tis

Sounds like we are in the same booat, there must ba an answer out there somewhere..Thanks for responding..

i think we should do a chart like they do for kids 

do it weekly with something you plan to do every day next to each day 

of the week 

then put cold star next to the ones you managed 

and reward yourself with something nice at the end of the week 

never no it might work 

shall consider it myself as soon as i am up to it 

Hi Susan

Oh you poor thing, hope ll goes well for you.

Have a good day..Anne..

Hubby has been driving me nuts, he's now feeling fine but can't go back to work yet, and the weather hasn't been good enough for him to get out in the garden so he's been giving me the benefit of his advice. Thankfully it's Easter holidays and five year old Grandson Ryan has been here keeping him busy, otherwise I might have been tempted to rip my cast off and beat him over the head with it. Here's a few of his recent ideas.

He's never broken a bone in his body, and I'm no weight bearing on my broken foot and ankle - I'm not using my crutches correctly, he demonstrated I pointed out he used both feet. A while later he asked me if I'd tried putting weight on my cast, I answered no, he told me he thought I should, again no in the end I had to find a Dr on YouTube to explain the importance of staying off my leg.

He wanted to book a holiday for us, just a week somewhere we've been before, rooms are on a hill side with at least three or four flights of steps. Then the restaurants are a good half a mile walk away, he wants to go in about six weeks?? Someone up there was looking out for me, he needs to renew his passport first.

Morning Christine..thanks for your reply..I think yesterday was the lull before the storm..today I am in so much pain, feel as though I have had a good kicking Yes I know its our friend Fibro having yet another go..

I have been indoors all week, I am hopeless mixing with others, its ok on here to chat though. I will be home alone at Easter time, as my husband is a HGV Driver and works away,and my 3 grown up children in their late thirties don't visit either as they say its too far to travel 30 mins by car!! Never mind, I have everyone on here to chat too. Have a good day..Anne..

30 mins by car is nothing I only wished my children lived so close.  My daughter lives in Wales and it takes a about 1 and half hr on a good run we try to see each other every school holiday.  My son lives near Brighton and that takes at least 5 hrs by car if no problems on road but has been known to take 8 hrs.  I sometimes visit him on the train as I find it an easier journey than by car.  I wish I saw more of home and his family but we do meet up about 3 or 4 times a year and when I visit him I stay for 4 days so get nice quality time with them.  I'm always in agony when I return but it's worth it to see them.  My grandchildren brighten my day. X

my family is 3and half four hrs away by car ,and i havent been up to going for a visit in many years .mysister in law has been down a few times but iv struggled to keep up and paid the price for trying 

Poor you Anne, really feeling for you..being alone is so not good, have a lovely Eastertime, be blessed.....thinking of you and praying for you..gentle hugs across the miles..:-) xxxx

How sad is that Anne..a 30 minute car ride...never mind..you are in a very loving, caring and most empathetic environment on here..we do have to like our own company..don't we? well, at least learn to, being on our own soo much. I really missed this site when it was down yesterday... this must be a real lifeline for  many people...from all around the world..apart  from being encouraged by each other when we are down or having a bad flare up, it's sooo nice to get to know each other..I really couldn't wait to see how everyone was going today...really hope you have a lovely day..be blessed..chat soon..:-) xxx

my daughter is 15mins from me and could easly catch a train to visit but shes to busy with her life to fit me in .

she will only miss me when i am dead . 

i no she works full time but once a month wouldnt kill her .

she would have been in a right mess if i had said sorry to ill to bring your shopping and money over when she was on part time work .

to tired and want to keep our own money for stuff we need when we brought her carpets and a cooker curtains etc .

it does hurt we dont want thanks all the time i wanted to help my daughter when she was struggling 

but i struggle every day and she never comes to visit unless my husband picks her up .and brings her over .it just seems to me i am not worth the effort . does hurt .

Thank you Christine

I dread a time when I can't go at all at the mo I can just about manage it now and again.  Although I always pay for it afterwards - some journeys are worse than others. Xx

Hiya tiswas, that's really awful.. but you know what..that's her problem not yours..,..just don't take it on- wear it...it doesn't  belong to you- that's why it doesn't  fit=you feeling like that.....you have done for her what you've done for her out of love.- unfortunately its not reciprocated, putting up healthy boundaries certainly  doesn't mean that we don't love em..it's just for our protection etc..put your boundaries up...saying NO I can't..might be SAD to her/them  BUT YOUR NOT BAD..we have to operate out of healthy boundaries or who knows where we'd be...it shocks people at first..then they realise your not mucking around..in the end you will get the respect you deserve..I'm really feeling for you..that's very hurtful...we don't do things for others to get something back, but when it's your own close family like that it's very hurtful..where's the love...well in fact it's their loss....for not popping in to see you. Really hope you have a great day tiswas..it's 11.39am here and a nice day..I'm a bit lethargic today..so I'm just going with it...last few days have been lovely but very big for me..so I'm taking it easy today...fingers numb and a few aches..so it's rest..sooo blessed I can...also I've ordered another large bottle of  Colloidal Gold....feeling really good on it..so I keeping it up..be blessed tiwas...you are more than worthy of that..:-) xxx

glad gold is working for you .

feeling little less pain today 

more stiffness 

glad you have had some nice days 

and what you said i am doing partly because to be honest i havent got the energy any more and partly is because you cant clip there wings 

when they fly the looking forward and are only concerned for the moment and what they need . 

my eldest dosent bother with me ever because i wouldn tchange my morals ,just because it was my daughter, she had an affair with someone when she was in a relationship ,he was working 2 jobs .

when he found out and they split up she wanted me to take her side 

but i said i will always love her because shes my daughter but i didnt like what she did and i wouldnt feel sorry for her ,and take her side .

i told her that if her fella had done it to her she would have been heartbroken so how could she do it to him . 

i no some parents spout rights and wrongs but when it comes down to there kids they change there boundries ,

Sorry its cost me but in my book wrong is wrong . 

i still loved her but i didnt like her very much at the time 

and i still love her and keep trying to get in touch 

but she is a stubborn madam .

 

For what it's worth tiswas...I wouldn't change my morals for anyone either, well done you..that's a really healthy boundary..as I said before,  they might be sad but we're not bad...loving and agreeing with someone are two separate  issues...one is not dependent on the other.. Really glad your feeling less pain today...a great sign..have a wonderful day, be blessed..:-) xxx

when i think of the childhood i had and how i tried so hard for my mum to even notice me i feel cheated on both fronts .

i just thank god that for the first 9 yrs we lived with my g.parents and had a normal life . just my parents made a complete hash of it after they got there own place . they didnt marry for love they married because i was on the way . my fault again i suppose .certainly was made to feel like it 

at least i did have an apology from my dad which went ever such along way to an understanding and a reconnection in adult hood . just unfair that cancer took him just as we were becoming closer .

my mother on the other hand never ever said anything nice to me or about me it was always the youngest boy could do no wrong 

i continued in to my mid 40s trying to win her favour but she never did anything but cricastise and put me down .

i did this wrong with my kids and that wrong with my kids 

i gave them to much 

i did to much for them 

and when she couldnt understand why i was upset when my dad died 

that was the last straw . i stopped phoning her and have no more contact with her . she is so selfish .i thought i dont need it 

That's very sad tiswas...sometimes we do try to overcompensate for what we suffered in our childhood with our own kids..but that never really work..coz we are trying from a very hurt heart...it takes a long time fir our feeling/heart to get right when it's been sooo wronged...thanks for sharing this tiswas..with us all...your very strong...well done you..be blessed:-) xxx

i never spolit my kids ,infact some would say i was tough of them not cruel 

like i brought them there first mobiles ,and told them if they wanted credit they had to earn it ,by doing saturday jobs or chores ,

and if they wanted updated mobiles the same applied. it was to teach them that you have to earn things in life , and its not your right just to have them , it was the same with  designer wear christmas only.

any other time  you earnt it for yourselve .

but the only differance between me and my mum is that i never left my kids . i set boundries and stuck to them even when its hard .

all we can do is our best  my kids are not perfect as i am not but they have come to adult hood safely ,they have caused no harm to anyone or damage to anyones proberty , they didnt take to drugs or alcohal , or become teenage mothers ,so i must have done something right .

 

Strange thing, I have a daughter that did the same and is very stubborn she's not speaking to me at the moment. Her loss, I used to worry about but why bother at one time,but it only makes me worse so she can get on with it..

i am prety much the same but when christmas or birthdays come round i do feel sad .but its her lose like you said . 

a friend of mine said that your children are part of your how family gentic pool .and can gets genes from any memeber .

my eldest daughter has defo got alot of my mums selfish genes .

like you said you just have to be selfish some times to take of you .

That's right on there Anne, worrying about them certainly doesn't change them or anything else for that matter..but it does give us more pain...let them own it..their problem,...lol have a great day Anne..be blessed.,:-)xx