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I would be most grateful for any help/advice. sorry if this is in the wrong place or too long a post but I thought it might help to give the reasons I am in this predicament.
I have been taking a concoction of meds for nearly three years, this came about as I was very depressed after a my girlfriend boke up with me soon after being made redundant and this hit me hard and left me feeling lost and heartbroken. She moved on very quickly and became pregnant within a month of the breakup(sorry for sob storry, it happens everyday I suppose to someone and worst but it hit me hard)
I tried to just work my way through excercise etc, but I just couldn't lift myself out of it after seeing numerous therapist with no relief, I went to a 'highly regarded and exspensive' Pscychiatrist about eight months after the breakup. He prescribed me about four or five Anti Depressants none seemed to help but gave me unwanted side effects(inability to orgasm being one), to cope I was also prescribed Diazepam and Zopiclone(sleeping pills) I quit the AD but was stil depressed and just wanted to not feel the pain and anguish I still did. I carried on taking the Diazepam and Zopiclone at night and was given Lorazepam as well to take in the day to try and help. I became very tolerent to these and was given more(3mg of Lorazepam in the day and 20mg of Diazeoam at night and 15mg of Zopiclone for sleep).
I found that none of these relieved the torment I was feeling so I resorted ignorantly to Physeptone(methadone pills which did relieve me of the pain and anguish of the whole situation, i took this of my dying father as he had lots more then he was prescribed and it did seem to make me not care about anything much and gave me a weird energy, at first, just a 5mg pill now and then this escalated into me taking more as my tolerance built up. My father who had been addicted to opiates(morphine, heroin, methadone etc) for most of his adult life died from his life of excess and smoking(lung disease) which left me feeling very sad and stupid that I had done the one thing I said I would never do, resort to strong drugs and become addicted, having seen the effect it had on my father, over all these years.I am know starting to feel very ill and week after the last few months and rather hopeless as my life resolves around taking all these pills
Physeptone/Methadone(30mg tablets) for a year and a half Diazepam(20mg)and Zopiclone(15mg) for Sleep and Lorazepam 3mg a day I have become very stuck in my flat and dont see my friends much as they have all moved on as I am 35 and there all married with kids all over the world and Im just stuck here addicted. I think the bottom line after my rambling is that I feel I need to come off these but am very weary of 12 step programmes and total abstinance as I did and still do like to go out for a drink socially andndo not want to swap one kind of dependance for another which I feel it is in a way ,you may feel differently and thats fine, but I dont think its for me. I suppose I will have to try and taper off slowly but that is going to be very difficult so I know I am going to need help but I have tried my local centres and they are just a goverment front it seems to show there doing something to help it feels like nursery school with crayons etc, not helping. I have a worker who says she will punch my rip off quack psychiatrist but much as I wouldn't stop her I dont think it will help and for all her good will and exhuberance she just gave me a leaflet about the usless local centre I have tried and my 'rip off psych wants me to go to South Africa from the UK to be 12 stepped for 6 months at £60,000 cost and no doubt a little bung for himself and the sales women who rings me ten times a day spouting sound bites. well if your still reading I thank you for hanging in there but I have no clue what to do, anyone manage to get off a combination of meds without 12 steps and get back to some kind of fufiling life. without dependance of any sort(drugs or 12 step programme and constant meetings)? if so I would be very grateful to hear from anyone with something that may be positive. thanks and all the best to anyone in a difficult situation.
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