Sudden relationship anxiety
Posted , 3 users are following.
Hi, sorry this is gonna be a long one!
I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years, we had a rocky start due to my anxiety and depression, which he helped me through, but I have never ever been happier than the last 1 and a half years.
Things were that amazing we bought a house together after a year and I finally came off my antidepressants. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I know I want to be with him. We have talked about everything marriage, kids.
But all of a sudden 2 days ago my mind suddenly decided I don’t love him. Telling me all the negative things about him, just little habits that really are nothing and never bothered me too much before. We have had a few tiffs recently but nothing extreme, and I know that’s because we live together and we obviously are gonna take everything out on each other, like if we’ve had a bad day at work. I keep telling myself you know that’s not true and you love him more than anything else in the world, but then my brain says, but do you??
He is the only boyfriend I’ve ever had and the only man I’ve ever kissed or slept with, which doesn’t help the doubts because my mind turns that into, well you have no idea if someone else is better suited to you, you’ve never tried anything else.
I have a very unusual job, in which I take animals around to schools, care homes etc.. and present shows. This means I keep about 15 different animals in my house. And even though I absolutely love my job, it is very tying as it’s 24/7. I have to look after the animals everyday, and if any are ill its stressful because they are mine and I love them all. Sometimes they take up too much of my time and my boyfriend gets a bit upset because I am spending all my time with them and not him. I also don’t have proper colleagues so I am on my own all day in the car, unless I’m in a visit. So it’s not like other jobs were you have other people to talk to, so when I come home I want to talk to him about my day, and sometimes he just wants to chill out after work and I find it frustrating that he doesn’t want to listen, but it’s understandable, I mean he lives with these animals too and has to deal with me being stressed when one of them is being unusual, because as you can tell I’m a worrier and worry about everything, I go on about to him about it. However, my job is going really well and I am getting a lot of praise which I’ve never had in a job before.
He makes me laugh, he looks after me, he loves me so much and I feel so guilty at the moment when I look at him because I could never break his heart. And I’ve told him everything and he is so understanding and I feel like the most awful person because it’s not nice to hear someone’s questioning their love for you.
To put the cherry on top, my mum has been suffering with depression and anxiety for over 3 years and she’s tried to kill herself 3 times and my boyfriend has helped me through this.
Luckily she’s really starting to get better in the last few months and is so good to see, but now I fell like I’m back at square one with my own anxiety and depression!
I can’t sleep or eat and am questioning everything, I don’t understand why because I literally was on top of the world a few weeks ago!
If anyone has any advice please let me know because I am at a loss. I just keep thinking I will wake up tomorrow and snap back to how I am usually, confident and knowing what I want in life. I am terrified of going back into my anxiety and depression because I know what it’s like and I can’t do it again.
Thanks for reading, I really appreciate any help given.
0 likes, 2 replies
Tammy83279 Las5678
Posted
So sorry to hear this.
I too am suffering badly at the moment to the point where I’m questioning everything and that scares me. No apetite, no zest for life, no interest in anything and that ya not like me. The physical symptoms of anxiety are awful and debilitating.
I wonder what your trigger was? Can you think of anything? Perhaps see your GP if even just to say that you can feel the anxiety creeping in there again. It is good that your boyfriend is being supportive and understanding.
I’d definitely see your GP before as soon as you can.
I hope you can feel better soon.
Samm
kjon7673 Las5678
Posted
Hello las5678! Let me start by saying any animal lover is on my top 5 list of favorite people. In fact my cat is walking around on my chest with his behind in my face as I type. Lol.. Anyways, it sounds as if you may simply be in a rut. Day in day out same routine. This can be overwhelming to folks like us and it's easy to blame it on the anxiety. Sounds like you have a good guy and we are a rare breed. I've been with my wife for 19 years and let me tell you she is a trooper. An excellent support system is more then rare for people like us. I've read so many post about people having issues and break ups over someone not being so understanding. I'm no love Dr. for sure, but it sounds to me like life is getting in your way. Home, work, animals, etc... And in your case your work life is your home life which leaves zero (me time). That in and of it's self can be extremely difficult to task, even for the best of us. Seems to me that you should start with a little time for you and then a little time with the two of you, each being separate from the animals. You shouldn't feel guilty about questioning your devotion to your relationship. Almost everyone of us at one time or another has done this very thing. Just take a minute and ask yourself if your life would be better without him and really consider everything he does for you without question. Being curious to what else may be out there is also understanding. And as bad as it sounds someday, eventually you may have to test those waters. But are you willing to risk trading something that you KNOW is great for something you THINK could be better? If it was awesome 2 days ago, chances are it's still awesome. Anxiety is a sneaky, tricky, relentless Dragon that most all of (us) have to slay on a daily basis, even someone like me who has fought it for the better part of 29 years. I woke this morning to a heart rate of 89 for no other reason than I slept 4 hrs and then focused on the negative. My usual resting heart rate is about 62. That's my anxiety, I focus on my heart which means anytime my hr gets up I tend to stress even when I know it's suppose to be up. Work, exercise, etc... Makes for an interesting ordeal with the night fever, if you know what I mean. However, I've slayed most of my dragons and try to find the fun in almost everything I do. If I don't, it makes for a very bad episode which can last up to 3 months or so with multiple trips to the Dr. only to find out that it's the exact same issue that I've had for 20 + years. And just let me say, the older I get the more I realize just how important fun is. I say, get your man and go have a weekend of you and him time, keeping both separate together. You can say there's no way, but there is always a way. Friends, family, colleges someone will take the animals. Trust me, if your support system is gone the anxiety gets much much worse. I hate to hear about your mom and certainly hope she can over come her anxiety issues as well. I'm not sure if any of this is good advise or even advise at all, but I know that sometimes I just enjoy reading these post and replays. It lets me know that I'm not alone in MY thoughts and that there are people out there just like me who understand exactly what I go thru. It's also very comforting to know you have a support system of strangers who do not judge you, no matter what situation you are facing. None of us have the answers and I'm beginning to believe that no one does, not even the best head doctors in the world. That's not to say I don't trust them, I just think that each case is so very specific that it really takes time (years) to get the anxiety monster off your back. It can be so many variations of triggers that it's super hard to nail down. And just when you think you have it whipped, up comes another trigger. I hope this helps in some way or another, I know writing it has helped me. My HR is down to 65! Go me!!! Good luck with your Dragon...