Suddenly losing love for my girlfriend, is this because of anxiety?
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I am an 18 year old male, and I've been in a relationship with this amazing girl for almost 7 months now (As of July 2021). The relationship was going really really well, even though we had plenty of bad periods. We both have issues with how we deal with our mental health and it can get toxic. But we are very communicative and always try to work on it and get better. She is also very aware of them and we both apologise to each other when we hurt each other as a result. It's not some perfect relationship, but throughout those periods I always felt the feeling of "love" or the feeling of wanting to be with her in a romantic sense. We went on tons of dates (we agreed that our date for celebrating 6 months together was our best date ever), we always help each other with our issues, active sex life, we have great fun with other people and others pointed out (our mutual friends) that we improve each other, and we have for sure. To reiterate, throughout this relationship, I always felt that feeling of love and attachment. I always meant it when I said "I love you" to my girlfriend (we say that to each other a lot).
June 23rd- We went on yet another date and we had great fun. I remember biking with her and just adoring her, and throughout this I was very happy. So was she. This was the day she even revealed that she might do her college in the same country as me (the UK as she initially planned to do college in the US- making long distance relationship even more intimidating). I was on cloud nine. I went home after the date and things were fine as well. Later, in the night, I was casually reading a book on my bed while intermittently texting my girlfriend. This was when SUDDENLY out of nowhere ( emphasis on that) I felt this feeling of absolute emptiness towards my girlfriend. I felt like I didnt love her anymore at ALL and for some reason felt this uncontrollable urge to break up with her. I almost did but I stopped myself. I told my girlfriend immediately (going back to us being communicative and honest with each other) and she didnt receive it too well initially (she got very insecure about the relationship obviously and was afraid that I was so close to breaking up). The next day she felt very sad and I was still numb towards her. Since then I've just felt like that feeling of love has been missing. In the early stages especially, I felt like I genuinely wanted to breakup but I kept stopping myself because something just wasn't right. We met a few times to discuss this and I definitely felt better and happier with her, hanging out is always fun with her. We even went on an actual date a few days ago and I was mostly happy and wanted to be with her. When i felt that lack of love I was honest with her and she was very understanding. But for the most part I enjoyed the date and she noticed as well. There have been a few times I've felt that nice feeling of love as well, albeit for small moments before my mind starts thinking again.
Throughout this period, I've experienced bad anxiety symptoms (especially the 7 days) like chest tightness, sadness, constant overthinking to list a few (they've gotten better as I'm writing this). I doubt myself for everything that I think. Some of these doubts are "do you actually love her or do you just want to be friends now", "is this actually anxiety or did you just lose interest and feelings for her?", "you don't find her physically attractive", "if your anxiety symptoms are better now, it must mean that you just want to break up right?", "are you sure you aren't lying to yourself when you say you don't wanna break up?", "you were happy when you lost feelings, so it's not depression- this must mean you just lost interest right?" How do you just suddenly lose feelings, especially coming off a great date and being happy with each other in general? I was pretty relaxed when this happened. This has been absolutely killing me.
0 likes, 4 replies
jan34534 yoyoyo
Posted
sorry you are going through this. Your feelings could be due to anxiety but they could also be because you are changing.
At 18, you will change a lot over the next 5 to 10 years having many interactions with different people. This is bound to happen when you are discovering yourself.
most relationships at your age don’t last very long because of this. That doesn’t mean that your relationship with her won’t work out. it is just based on statistics and it’s natural because of the young age and possibly being your first serious relationship.
At your age, It’s important to focus on becoming the person you want to be and evolve into the adult you will be and things will happen naturally after that. you have to put yourself first, not in a selfish way but in a way that shapes your future in a positive way.
then, You will have a strong sense of your own self and who you want to be and the type of person that would best complement who you are. And vice versa.
maybe things will work out with your girlfriend. Just make sure that you are doing the right thing for yourself. you’re still very young and give yourself time.on average, it takes about six months or so to really know if a person wants to stay in a relationship.
What happens sometimes in the beginning is that everything is wonderful and fun and you enjoy each others company and may even say you love each other. But sometimes after several months that initial excitement wears off a little bit. and a person realizes that friendship is more of how they are feeling rather than true love. you’ll figure it out. I wish you the best of luck!
yoyoyo jan34534
Posted
hey, thanks a lot for your reply.
i understand that relationships at my age arent meant to last that long and both my girlfriend and I acknowledged it early on. We have also been very honest when we wanted space from each other or when that initial excitement of dating wears off. I knew it wore off (it wore off for both of us) but I still loved being with her and imagined us both in a romantic rather than platonic relationship. Even on the same day that I talked about. She has really helped me grow as a better person and I dont want to lose her. I get what you're saying but I feel like this situation is just different because of how sudden it happened and all the destructive intrusive thoughts that accompanied it. thanks for replying again!
giannis83220 yoyoyo
Posted
This past summer (2022) i fell in love and had a beautiful relationship with a girl i got to meet. She is wonderful, so much so that i couldn't believe she would fall for someone like myself. After 2 months and 12 days since we officially started our relationship, i suddenly -much like you- fell right out of love, it has now almost been a week since then.
I see that a long time has passed since you posted this, but I'd like to hear your progress and how you dealt with the situation if it's not too inconvenient. I'm experiencing the same problems you speak of, anxiety, overthinking, depression exc. and some guidance would be appreciated.
Right now, my mind is telling that my feelings are over and it's better off to end our relationship. I'm trying to remember the joy i got while spending time with her but even that seems to be failing. I'm afraid that if i lose her, I'm going to regret that decision and that it may be the stress corrupting my thoughts and making me think for no reason.
I'm 17 years old as I'm writing this, and i know I'm young, but I can't afford to make a wrong decision. She's still in love with me, she loves me like nobody does and perhaps like nobody will, if I'm to end this, the decision needs to be final so I don't bring her into this mess again.
I'd appreciate a response and thank you for your time. Hope you the best!
joshuapryce1987 yoyoyo
Posted
When love grows cold its usually because you stopped burning the fire of passion. We all lose passion sometimes,the best thing to do is remember why we love someone and to recreate that desire. Anxiety plays a part of the losing love. Its related to paranoia regarding the relationship. Always be honest with your partner.