Suffering from social anxiety
Posted , 4 users are following.
I've been suffering from depression for over 10years now, mostly it's come from not having any confidence and affecting everything in my life starting from been school I'm now 35. I had my daughter 13 years ago and been a single parent from being pregnant. I have never discussed this with anyone or on any medications, I've had some really bad times and suacidel thoughts but would never leave my daughter so these have only been thoughts. But over the last couple of years I suffer from what I think is social anxiety doing anything socially I try to hide from, such as having a relationship, seeing friends and work or even going into a supermarket. I do work full time but most the time I'll go to work then just want to be back home, every time we have a meeting or training and I know we have group discussions or even just introducing my self I have sleepless nights thinking about it and just want to cry.
0 likes, 15 replies
gary2906 paula95334
Posted
Hi Paula,
You are not alone, social anxiety affects everyone at some point in their life, and until we learn about it and stop blaming ourselves or putting ourselves down because of it we continue to suffer.
Trust me, all of this can change in a day, you can alieve your social anxieties vry quickly, even though you have suffered for a long time that doesn't mean that you will continue to suffer for a long time.
I get social anxiety, but I look at it this way.
Should I get myself into a positive mood to go to a social gathering, or should I let that social gathering get me into a positive mood? I dont go out because I feel positive, I go out because I hope that the situation will make me more positive, in simple terms, you dont have to be in a party mood to go to a party, let the party get you into a party mood.
Nobody can judge you only God, we are emotional beings which gives nobody the right to judge anybody else, thats fact, because our emotions control our lives, we can change them ourselves but at the starting point our emotions control our lives because thats the best way to originally survive.
so your emotions are keeping you from socialising, simple as that, your not crazy, different and there is nothing wrong with you other than your emotions are keeping you from socialising.
So we either need to remove the emotion, or learn to go out with that emotion and allow external events like the social situations change those emotions for us. Look at it this way.
There is no evidence to suggest that the social situation will be bad, nor is there any evidence to suggest it will be good. But there is strong evidence that doing nothing will keep you depressed and anxious, so our first fact is that we cannot do nothing, we must do something about it.
Remember, anxiety is a lie, it makes us believe things that aren't going to happen, and its human nature to always bellieve the worst case scenario is going to happen, when 99.99% of the time it doesn't, if we live our lives adhering to anxiety, then we will live our lives always beliving the worst case scenario will happen, this is entirely not true.
Because of anxiety we cannot make correct decisions, it overides our logical rational thinking, so ask yourself if you did not have anxiety or depression, would you go to these events, would you seek out relationships, if the answer is yes, then you should go out regardless of anxiety, and realise that you do not need to be in the mood to go out, its up to the social gathering to get you in the mood.
Finally, forget about confidence, confidence comes after competence, and you only get that by doing something repeat times so you can learn to adapt and do it correctly. The lightbulb was designed 1000 times before it was invented correctly, this is true competence, confidence had no part in inventing this lightbulb, just trial and error. if you want to change how you feel, then I suggest you forget about confidence, forget about anxiety, forget about the past and start trying some new, outdoor social events, and good luck! I am sure you will not need it, but everybody gets lucky sometimes.
paula95334 gary2906
Posted
Thank you so much for your reply, i seem to feel so much better when I'm in control and go to the gym but then I let the anxiety take over me and stop going then I'm back to where I was.
gary2906 paula95334
Posted
Dont think you ever take a step back with Anxiety, you're always taking steps forward, every time you learn a little more, and gain a little more control.
edwina97301 paula95334
Posted
Tell me about it. I thought I was shy as a child. I have terrible anxiety. I relate to all your social anxiety stuff. Avoid going out. Worry all night about things I have to do and who I may meet. Obsess over if people notice my nerves. Always want to rush back home then go over the day then worry about next day. People say l look great and normal but I'm dying inside.now I'm pushing myself cos it's rubbing off on family. Helps talking here and wanting to improve. Keep talking lots of good people here who know these horrid feelings??
paula95334 edwina97301
Posted
Thanks for your reply, I'm glad I'm not the only one. I too hide it but am hurting so much inside. I know things that can make me feel better like healthy eating, going to gym and losing those extra pounds I've put on over the years. But I don't seem feel motivated to do any of them.
edwina97301 paula95334
Posted
Let me know what tomorrow brings. Can keep chatting. Honestly that kept me sain. Been there it's hell and so many like us. Hang in . I thought it was never ending. Still have anxiety but can get hundred times better( you probably think but what if I can't ,I did) now l I look back and knew I was panicking cos of more anxiety??
paula95334 edwina97301
Posted
I've got a meeting coming up in July and as I sat today reading the agenda sent by my boss I cried. It's about our department working with others so the whole meeting is having discussion about ourselves and what we do, my biggest fear is getting up in front of people talking. All I can think about is that meeting and wanting to ring in sick. I do have panic attacks where I can't control me shaking when I'm really nervous about something. I will let you how I get on
edwina97301 paula95334
Posted
Let me know how you get on. This would be total anxiety for me too. Wouldn't be able to think about anything alse. But try. The more you think about it the more anxious you'll be and you will shake . I do. If it's really bad can't you attend but tell people you don't feel up to speaking ,feel under weather. Over yrs I've had to tell little white lies. But you at least you got there. See how you feel . Let me know. Try to at least show up don't let it jeopardise your job. If your abut shaky people will think poor thing she does seem sick. Or actually people do understand public speaking etc can make you feel ill also. Push on . All here for you ??
bytheseaside paula95334
Posted
Yes, I have social anxiety too. I relate very much to what you described even to the point of the tears it's so hard. Every time I'm in public for no matter what reason, I start becomming very much on edge which then, for me, starts triggering a 'fight' response [the flight or fight responses] and so it's just a very tense time. I've embarassed myself by confronting people who were just looking at me[!] I start going mad, because of the tension and paranoia in my mind etc. But lately I do seem to be turning a corner and so I'm very happy about that. All the best, I know you can work your way through your social anxiety as well. Thanks.
paula95334 bytheseaside
Posted
Hi thank you for your reply, can just ask how you are turning a corner? I really don't want to go to doctors regarding this or take antidepressants, I've started to take St. John's wort and hoping this works. Thanks
bytheseaside paula95334
Posted
Hi, you're welcome. Yeah, antidepressants and antpsychs didn't help me except in kidding myself I was doing okay when I wasn't - I can't speak for anyone else though. Good luck with the St. John's wort, I've heard positive things about it. The thing which I believe is helping me, and I've tried this and that over the years, is practising mindfulness. Bringing my awareness into the moment and focusing on whatever it is I'm actually doing at any given time - as a means to prevent destabilizing thoughts from attacking me. I know it's helping by how well I do when I'm in public and lately I've been coming home and heaving a sigh of relief. It's a constant practise though, even when I'm alone, as my mind seems to be so full of self negating thinking.
edwina97301 bytheseaside
Posted
Hi off to bed shortly. Going on a good note. Liked what bytheseaside had to say, totally agree. Meds can help but we can't hide the fact we have to work hard to tackle our problem. I keep repeating this but it really is good reading these , don't feel as alone. Good people helping others sharing their experience. Also helps to try and help others. This is like therapy it can be a lonely illness. Thanks everyone who replies and thank goodness people are reaching out for help. ??
bytheseaside edwina97301
Posted
paula95334 edwina97301
Posted
Hi I had an awful day at work yesterday felt so out of energy and tired, I felt like if anyone said am I ok I was going to cry. I decided when I got home to go for a very long walk which helped loads to clear my head. Today I feel better than I did yesterday and have decided to write down my days I'm feeling anxious and say why and write down when I'm feeling ok. Hoping his helps. Hope your well and yes it's nice to hear other people's comments and what they are going though.
edwina97301 paula95334
Posted
Hi sorry you had a bad day. We all still get them. Glad your doing positive stuff . Takes your mind off the negative. I do this then make sure i talk on here , this really takes your mind off for a while . I always feel better knowing lovely people take the time to reassure me and I love hearing others are learning to cope with this. Keep me updated . Tomorrow may be even better. On a bad day talk. Don't talk inside your own head anxiety will get you down??