Suicidal

Posted , 5 users are following.

I feel my depression has got worse again lately and I've been feeling extremely suicidal. Today that feeling has got a lot worse. I tried confiding in my mum by telling her a little about how I felt (not the suicidal part) just general feeling lower than usual etc and all I got was how she's 'sick of this everyday' when I said she doesn't understand she then had a massive go at me and now she is banging/slamming about. I just feel so alone. I'm suicidal and I don't have anyone to turn to. I thought if I could go to anyone it'd be my mum but I have no one at all. I don't want to be here anymore and I feel the urge for going is getting stronger I can't take life anymore

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  • Posted

    Hang on in there Jodie. Sometimes parents just don't understand. Unless they have suffered from depression it difficult for them to comprehend. I tried telling my parents 15 yrs ago . They didn't understand then. My dad still just sees me as angry and he says it's making him Ill seeing me like it.

    I now just rant and rave on here now and again to get it all out. As most of the people on here have been through similar things they understand more.

    I know how you feel . I'm up and down like a yo yo. Been waiting nearly 4 months to see a psychiatrist still no appointment. .

    Your mum's reaction is as you put it she doesn't understand and thus feels helpless. But deep down she probably just worried about you but at a loss as what to do.

    I have no words of wisdom or a magic wand to make everything all right. But your not alone in feeling the way you do as to be honest I have been struggling lately to . Keep on here , talking to people on here is great and I'm sure other people will offer you good advice to.

    Wishing you the best Richie xx

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  • Posted

    I am sorry that things with your mental health have been worse for you;...you are being very brave and it's great that you have reached out here, as a step to help yourself.

    It can be very scary when low, becomes even lower. It can feel excriciatingly unfair and bleak when those that you love and want care from, react to your cry for help, by telling you how stressed they are. It's hard not to take that persoanlly and feel like a burden, when their emotions are retraumatising your own situation.

    You need to be heard though and you recognise this thank goodness. Even though your Mother is finding your medical situation tough to deal with, in terms of it's manifestations and her own strains as a carer;...you must put yourself first and still continue to reach out for more help:...as you clearly clinically need it. Objectively - it is not your fault that you are experiencing this right now.

    If you told her the true extent of how low you are feeling, then maybe she would understand. My Mum sometimes struggles to express herself verbally...so she too bangs and slams about sometimes when she is angry or frustrated. Maybe if your Mum thought you were getting enough care from Professionals then she would be able to recharge her own batteries and reach out more. I know it's tough though, as she may also need help to cope and it's difficult to manage all of that as individuals and in relationships and secure enough compassionate trusted assistance to move forward consistently.

    I hope that you feel more connected soon, as to feel isolated;...can exacerbate already astringent feelings. Keep reaching out, by turning in as many directions as you can. Even though one does not want to be overwhelmed with lots of help that is not of high enough quality, people can always refer you on; even if that can seem a bit annoying, to more contacts that can help. You could start by emailing the Samaritans.

    I hope that you will identify some more people that can act as a burgeoning support network for you, so that when your Mother does not react in the most supportives ways, that you still have many avenues to explore. It may feel as if the pathways are not there, but keep asking and they will reveal themselves to you.

    I am sorry that you feel that life is almost unbearably tough right now. The urge may rise and fall;...try to keep an open mind and hold on, for others to help you. So many will want to, in turn as they have been helped themselves. Write and refer to a care and crisis plan if you can, to bolster your reserves when other parts of you feel weak. You may want to look for some help and advice in doing this.

    Regards

    nalia

    x

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  • Posted

    Hey Jodie,

    I know how you feel - I can't talk to my own mother about what's going on as she belittles your feelings. It's horrible, and incredibly lonely. 

    I'm battling with the urge to take my own life at the moment so, I can't really give you an answer on how to cope. All I can say is, if you feel up to it maybe go and see your GP, you can always post on here, where you'll always be understood and receive great support. 

    Don't act irrationally, it's hard not to act on those feelings when things get overwhelming but just tell yourself to wait till the next day, and keep telling yourself that until you can get some more help. 

    Good luck, don't give up hope - you can beat this!

     

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  • Posted

    Dear Jodie, I don't know the cause of your depression but if you need someone to talk to try the Samaritans. They really are there to help.  Try not to be angry with your mum. She mabe angry with you because she feels helpless in not being able to help you.  If you haven't done so recently, please go and see your GP. They are there to help you.
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  • Posted

    Jodie, pretend like I'm your mother for the time being..I'm Carole, and Im from the USA...My fiance' committed suicide 18 years ago.  I saw all the signs, but I was unable to stop him...I miss him more every day.

    I have had a history of depression since birth, and I KNOW without a doubt what you are going through...Please don't try to solve this temporary problem with a permanent solution.  There are people out there who love you...Are you young, I'll bet you are...I am 67 yrs. old, and I have a lot of wisdom in life...If you just keep on living you will have good days and bad ones....Eventually, as you learn to cope with things and possibly get on the right meds, you will have more good days than bad one....Please keep in touch with me, and I will be the one you can speak with when you are feeling low...Although we are so many miles apart, I can actually feel your pain...There is not one pain that you are feeling that I haven't felt in all my years....KEEP THE FAITH and you will get through this, I promise....I Care!!

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    • Posted

      Hi Carole, thankyou for your very kind response. Firstly, I am really sorry to hear you lost your Fiancé; I can only imagine how you must've felt and still feel.

      Yes I am young still; 18, 19 in only a few days now. Thankyou for your advice and kind words, sometimes it helps a little just knowing someone is there to listen and offer some support, even if they are a fair distance from yourself. I appreciate your kindness and caring, thankyou. I wish you well, take care, Jodie.

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  • Posted

    You are very welcome sweetie.. Don't hesitate to let me know if you need a pep talk. Depression is probably the worst disease anyone can have. Only we know how we feel. Hugs
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  • Posted

    Hi Jodie, I hope that you can see from this forum that you are not alone, and that there wiil always be someone to talk to.  You must see your GP as a matter of urgency, and if they have a NHS Talking Therapy centre in your town, please make an appointment to talk to someone there as well.

    I am a mum of 2 adult kids - one of whom also suffers from depression and has done since he was 9 - he is now 31.  I am 56 and have suffered from depression since the age of 12.  It is a family condition that we have to live with - in fact my parents and siblings also suffer from it, and I lost both my father and sister as they both turned to alcohol, which is NOT the answer. 

    I know that there is a stigma attached to admitting that you are depressed and to taking anti-depressants.  People who do not suffer from this awful disease do not understand how debilitating it is, and very often have no synpathy simply taking the attitude of "pull yourself together".  Well, we all know how that turned out for people like Robin Williams who felt that he was unable to allow the world to see his pain,

    It is real.  It hurts.  You have good days and you have bad days, and you have some days that are inbetween.  But there are so many ways of getting help nowadays and it is a diseae that is now taken a lot more seriously by mental health specialists and GPs.  As I said before, please go and see your GP, make a same day appointment first thing on Monday morning and tell them how you feel, don't leave anything out, just tell it like it is. 

    Regarding your mum, well, she is obviously going through her own issues and is unable to support you which is sad, but there are other people who will do it for her.  It is likely that she too suffers from some sort of depression that she is unwilling to admit to or able to deal with, so for now, let go of that desire for her to understand and help you.  Find someone who can give you professional advice, like I said, the NHS Talking Therapy centres are self referal, and free, and that is a good place to start.

    Wishing you strength and love - hang on in there, with the right help you will one day wake up and realise that the sun is actually shining, and that the clouds have disappeared. You have much to look forward to in life x

    Anytime you  need to reach out on this forum, please do so. 

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