Suicide attempt missed
Posted , 4 users are following.
hi all,
i have attempted suicide sunday 2weeks ago, as i write this, i was being in cardiac arrest in the critical unit of my local hospital.
i just have no drive to keep getting up every morning. nothing give me pleasure, i am not enjoying kids at min and i have been a better mum, i just have no energy and patience left.
i am leaving the care of my horses to my partner pretending i let him learn as he want a foal but really, it just too much right now when my horse used to be the 2nd most important thing after my kids.
im dreading work or any housework,
my ideal day today would be just sleep, to stop thinking, eating,...
after my attempt 2 weeks ago, my partner had to perform cpr for 30min awaiting on the ambulance, he told me that i was then on aed and intubated, i also peed myself and had a seizure prior him finding me so i bite my tongue quite badly. i took about 50 amiltryptiline, 30 lioresal, some opioid (cant remember but i would say 20/25).
I was admitted with a GCS of 4/15 woke up on tuesday around lunch time and antidote was given. i just wished i did not wake up, i was not saved and my partner did not know how to do CPR. once awake, i move to ICU ward for 24h before being moved for another 3days in medical ward.
what bring me to this situation, i suppose the main issue is ongoing daily neck, shoulder, right arm pain for the last 5 years after a car crash.
I dont know what else to do, i have enough of suffering, i tried differents therapy, medication, pain killer, had many injections in muscles... i did everyrhing i was told my many doctors but nothing make it easier.
my partner stayed at home for 2 weeks with me, but tomorrow he will have to go back to work and i am basically scared of myself. of what i could do to myself as i have the mean to do worse (hidden safe) as he throw out everything he could find upon doctor of critical care unit.
im being proposed therapy for depression but even if i suffer from it right now, i believe the need is far more around the pain and i feel left alone without any idea, support, treatment ...so im completely hopeless that it will ever get better.
i just wished i did not have to wake up ever again.
I have contacted charities bout suicide but no support was provided on the spot, just an advice to go therapy. when i just needed to chat about anything at all...
0 likes, 2 replies
sam18386 Mine31
Edited
hi mine, that sounds awful! has anyone ever tackled the pain? doctors will only see the symptoms in front of them. you probably have some depression but probably related to nobody responding to you having pain and not been listened to. did anything at all trigger what you did? you can speak to me! did you ever see a physio/chiropractor or pain specialist? often suicide attempts are an extreme cry for help. reach out, i will not bite.....
jan34534 Mine31
Edited
if you are in the US you can call 988 24 hours a day seven days a week for support. They can also provide resources for you.
You don’t have the energy right now but with the right support you can take baby steps to start to feel a little better.
dont look at the big picture right now. Just think about one hour and one day at a time. Then you can expand on that eventually. Many churches offer free counseling and they can also point you in the right direction for further support. Most communities have free or low-cost counseling. You need support right now!
YES you need to chat. Even just doing that baby step you could breathe just a little easier because when we are depressed we need to vent. I know the feeling. Just making a connection with another human and talking is huge!
call 988 in the US.
i would say also that you can go to a university or community college near you and ask if they have a counseling center for people in the community.
. If you have health insurance you can do virtual counseling if that works for you.
Don’t ever ever give up. There are ways and lots of resources out there! we are here for you and you are not alone. ❤