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Super severe depression

Posted , 5 users are following.

williamberg
williamberg

So Ive tried talking to a lot of people on forums about depression and a lot of them seem to be way higher functioning than me.. Ive literally tried everything there is to try to get me better and nothing does anything at all. Ive tried every med there is for both depression and anxiety and nothing has done anything at all. Im currently undergoing ECT and im on my 30th treatment, and i actually seem to be getting worse. Ive tried mindfulness groups, and i still see my therapist every week. Ive even tried inpatient therapy for a more intense therapy, and that didnt work.

Thing is, i still am so close to killing myself every day. I cant function, had to drop out of school and lost all ability and desire to be the great person i used to be. I cant get out of bed anymore.

The crazy thing is, i have the most incredible wife in the world that understands how difficult it is to deal with depression. Her, and my dog are the the only reason im alive. I just feel like it would be so much easier on her if i wasnt here and she didnt have to deal with my crap.

Does any one else have treatment resistant depression like this? I dont want to be alone.. i just need someone to talk to. How do you motivate yourself to do anything?

2 likes, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • lucy32753
    lucy32753 williamberg

    Posted

    Here hoping the ECT works for you , at least you can post on here , I know that my reply doesn't really answer you question to see if anyone else has the same . I'm only 2 weeks into taking meds so no idea how I'll be , but I do feel pretty hopeless right now myself .

    All the best to you

  • lorraine52317
    lorraine52317 williamberg

    Posted

    Hi William

    i sincerely hope someone here will be able to answer your question. I just wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you. The fact that you have tried so hard to get better without success is heart breaking.

    i have had six months of depression and still not fully there yet.. I know the toll it takes on our spirit.

    My prayers are with you and I really hope someone here can help you find a way forward.

    God bless you x

    • williamberg
      williamberg lorraine52317

      Posted

      Lorraine you are wonderful. Thanks so much for taking time to reply. I am so sorry to hear you are struggling too sad my thoughts go out to you and i sincerely hope you head in the right direction in this battle. Good luck with everything smile
  • elizabeth2244
    elizabeth2244 williamberg

    Posted

    Hi willamberg

    Sorry you are feeling so depressed, that you feel nothing well work. Something has got to work you have a wonderful wife who loves you and understands you and you got your dog who loves you. 

    You are the only one deep inside who has to learn to love yourself. I have low self esteem and depression and anxieties and at times its hard on me but the Lord keeps me going. God is welling to help you and you need to turn to God for prayer to help you out of you depression 

    You are not a lone just pray to God that they can help you find the right medication for you because you are a good person. Write down affirmations and tell yourself that you are a good person

    • williamberg
      williamberg elizabeth2244

      Posted

      Thanks for your reply elizabeth. Im not gonna lie to you, i used to be a religious person and prayed every day for some help in finding something that would work even in the slightest. After day after day of getting worse and worse, and having no meds work, and having to go into more intense therapy each month, i have completely given up on god. I do not believe that god could be able to do anything and ive stopped believing in his existence. There is no way any god would let me hurt this much. And struggle this much in so much pain every day. Mentally and physically just dying. How could a god do that to me?
    • elizabeth2244
      elizabeth2244 lorraine52317

      Posted

      Thank you Lorraine 

      Its hard to deal with depression and anxieties but i just don't want him to do anything to himself 

  • simon8173
    simon8173 williamberg

    Posted

    Wish I could say something to help you William, I fully understand where you are coming from when you think everyone would be better off without you, we all, as sufferers go through this feeling. The fact that you have a supportive wife and pride and joy in your dog helps a lot. Have you tried to use your dog as a positive outlook, he is after all "mans best friend".
    • williamberg
      williamberg simon8173

      Posted

      Hey simon, thanks so much for replying, i appreciate it a lot. I actually do that every day. When my wife works and is not home, all i do is hang out with my dog and i dont know if id be alive without him. On my worst days, his dopey little smile is what keeps me going
    • simon8173
      simon8173 williamberg

      Posted

      Well remember that dopey looking smile is aimed at you!! Sounds like you both got something to get out of bed for everyday, each other.
  • mark65991
    mark65991 williamberg

    Posted

    I can relate to your situation. I had to drop out of college because of this illness,undiagnosed at the time. Later I had ECT and then different ads,which did seem to help. Years later I am on Prozac and prothiaden (dosulepin hydrochloride). Dogs have been huge support to me,relationships not much. There must be something out there that can help.....I really hope so,and hope you let us know how you get on.   Very best wishes, Mark.
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