surviving this so young

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I had gotten sick beginning of march 2016, started with shortness of breath, then slowly started progressing, mind you at this time i was smoking meth (never injected) ... My symptoms from march up until i was admitted into the hospital in july 2016 was as followed but not in that exact order: fever up and down, hypothermic levels, shivering, severe hot and cold flashes, headaches, body spasms, pass out spells, tachycardia, intense intermittent chest pain, also dull, intermittent chest pain, heaviness in my chest, like i i drank gallons of water, enlarged spleen pushing my ribs out (it looked like my body was literally turning around), my left side of my body literally sank into the bone, you could just see the outline of my bone, nasty dull and severe left calf cramping sometimes not so bad and other times excruciating charlie horse pain to where i couldnt stand, severe and noticable leg swelling (was in one and both legs) redness of skin on my left side, weird bubbles in random muscles spots (it looked like a huge bulge coming from my muscles at random times) when they disappeared there was like a fluid build up afterwards. I had mottling skin (starting to happen again) I had nasty numbness in my arm and leg (left side), dizzy spells, i lost a TON of weight, barely ate, sweating was on and off, extreme fatigue, nausea, and a few more issues that i cant remember at this given moment... Well i was going to the doctors on and off for months, doctors and the er. The doctors kept telling me it was all in my head, but i knew there was something wrong.... Id hit the floor continuously... I have had anxiety and depression for years so that didnt really help at all... I ended up getting MRSA with nasty lesions all over my body, and i picked at them (ive been picking my skin since i was a child, its called excoriation disorder) so that made it worse, I was on 5 different medications, lotions, and bodywashes and nothing helped... I went to the walk ins with a sore swollen throat (had my tonsils and adnoids taken out when i was 6) They told me it tested negative for strep, well they were wrong. I went to the er i believe within 3 days after that... I had pustules coming out of my skin, nasty ones, i have pictures to prove that... They tested positive for MRSA. Strep A and staph (yeah i know they are basically one in the same, but thats what the doctor had said) So i was admitted quite quickly... The doctors started doing tests and really didnt find anything until they did an echo and a CT scan WITH contrast... They found i had endocarditis, 2 infected vales, 2 calcified valves, a septic nodule with septi satellite nodules in my liver, and a septic pulmonary embolism in my left lung with septic satellite nodules. The bascteria started eating my spine. Messed up my hypothalamus, and almost killed me... I also had systemic invassive Strep A. Stayed a week in the hospital and was put on a PICC line for a month on heavy duty antibiotics... I was healthy for months after that... It has been a full year since my PICC line, and i am started to become sick again, i can feel and see it happening all over again... I had subacute bacterial endocarditis... I knew there was something wrong and the doctors didnt want to listen. I know there is something wrong now, im just scared its the same thing all over again (minus the drug use)... Since having the endocarditis i have had 3 strokes, started having nasty seizures, and ive had a heart attack... I am 24 years old. I cannot stand for more than a maximum of 10 minutes at a times because my heart cannot take it, i still have pass out spells randomly, a hard time breathing, nasty chest pain, heart palpitations, and im fighting disability, not because i want to but unfortunately because i HAVE too... If you feel there is something wrong, then do not hesistate to go to the doctors regardless of what they think... I was told that if i had not gone to the hospital when i did with the pustules, i would have died within MAYBE a week or less... So please, you know your body better than anyone else, if you know or feel there is something wrong, whether they find something or not please go to the doctors! for months the doctors told me they couldnt find anything and that this was all in my head until i was almost dead in their patient room. Do not ever let someone tell you its all in your head... because mine wasnt, mine was real, even after the months of someone telling me it was all in my head...

I have been behind in bills for a long time, lost my job, and have been extremely depressed...

It feels like its starting to happen again.... I did create a gofundme page for help with bills, but no such luck. And its okay because im still here fighting... I havent given up yet, and dont plant to anytime soon...

This is my gofund me page, there may be more information about what happened in there... But after everything that has happened and with the seizures and passout spells my memory is becoming extremely bad...

my blog, where ive posted so much about my health... Physical and mental, my recovery and everyday life/thoughts/feelings.

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    I hope the meth was worth all that you're going through now, so many young people don't have a clue as to what these drugs can do to them, they just want to feel good,

    do you feel good now?

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    • Posted

      no need to be rude, i have been in recovery for a while now, I am paying the price for my stupid decision. But thanks. No i dont feel good, i have to deal with this daily, it wasnt worth it, and i figured that out the hard way, i was also working 2 jobs, sleeping maybe 3-4 hours a night. I never said i was perfect and i made a TON of mistakes, but theres absolutely no reason to be a jerk about it.
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  • Posted

    but i decided to share my story in hopes other people wouldnt make the same mistake, not to be judged. i hope NO ONE makes the same mistake i did.
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  • Posted

    No, I'm not a jerk, you are the jerk, and good luck with your Go Fund Me page.  I've

    given to many of Go Fund Me causes, but I wouldn't give one cent to some one who

    didn't care about what they were doing to their own body, all in the name of that glorious high.

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  • Posted

    and thats your choice, i was also working 2 jobs sleeping 3 MAYBE 4 hours a night just to make ends meat, I am not perfect BY ANY MEANS, but ive gone to rehab, i now do outpatient rehab, therapy, and couseling, along with going to meetings as often as i can. The high wasnt what i wanted, it was to simply stay awake long enough for me to work both my jobs, while trying to support a family... You certainly dont have to like the choices ive made, because i certainly dont. But then again, i am paying for them now and will be paying for them the rest of my life... One mistake has basically cost me my life. Am i happy or proud of it no, do i regret it yes, of course i do. But i am certainly doing the best i can with what i have now. I dont defend my actions, because they were highly unwise, but i made the decisions i made, and i cant go back in time to change them or else i would in a heartbeat. Not everyone chases that euphoric feeling of a high, some people who like to keep going to get things done. I got my family through the hardest times back then, and now i will pay for it. I accept my actions will always bear consequence and if you cant see that then that is your own problem, I am not here to make you or anyone else happy, I am only on this site to share my experience in hopes no one else makes the same mistake i did, and lands in the same position im in. I dont need a pity party, i just want people to understand that there are now and always will be consequences for our actions. I made one stupid decision that will last me a life time. And im trying to work my way to become a substance abuse counselor because of it. So opinion not needed. smile
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