Swollen lymph node health anxiety ruining my life

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I am diagnosed with depression anxiety and panic disorder. I have previously been on pristiq and due to the fact that I don't find it helping me the psych is changing me to zoloft. I am not really seeing a difference yet but I know it will take time. I have been so obsessive lately it's hard to function. My newest obsession is that I have lymphoma. I have a swollen lymph node in my neck for the last month. I had it checked out by the dr and she said it was good that it moved and wasn't rock hard and she checked my underarms and groin to make sure fhere were no other ones which she said there was t. She also had me get bloodwork and all came back fine. That isn't good enough for me because I know this is bad but I have been obsessively googling and I see a lot of people and drs that say lymphoma doesn't really show up in the blood. A lot of these people had normal bloodwodk and it was hard for them to be diagnosed besides a biopsy. The only other symptom I'm freaking out about is that about a month ago I had extreme itchiness which apparantly is a symptom of lymphoma. The dr thinks it's unrelated and seems to think if I had lymphoma it would show in my blood. Also I'm worried because I smoke and am trying to quit. I quit for a while but the past six months due to my anxiety I've been smoking again so I'm really worried about csncer now. This all started too becusse I have a blue/purple bump in my mouth for two months now and then like a white line going from the bottom of my mouth to the front- the other day I woke up and the whole bottom line was swelled up. I saw the dentist and he doesn't think anything looks like csncer and he had a name for the line- he thinks I may be grinding my teeth at night but of course I think it's cancer. He referred me to the oral surgeon to check it out and I go on Thursday. My family and bf think I am crazy and are pretty fed up with me. They don't get how real this is to me. I can't focus at work I just want to hysterically cry because I just can't stop. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

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  • Posted

    My husband had lymphoma (NHL). One morning he woke with lumps the size of large lemons in his groin and upper leg. You will not simply have swollen glands. He also lost 7 pound in 6 days. He went through 3 chemos, full body radiation, and a stem cell transplant. If your glands are swollen, it means you body is fighting off, possibly an infection.  Try to relax. It is not lymphoma. 
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    • Posted

      Thank you Dee for your response. I hope he is okay now and doing well. You put my mind at ease a bit. Today I feel less anxious then I did yesterday, maybe the meds are helping more. I guess I'm like this too because my ex passed from cancer and my new bfs mom has cancer currently. I feel like it's everywhere. Thank you for your response. Also how did they find out your husband was sick? A biopsy blood test etc

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    • Posted

      I know the trauma that comes with losing people we love, I guess it is called, "Health Anxiety" from what I have been reading here. I lost three loved ones in two years.  Two to cancer, one to suicide in my livingroom (she didn't want to kill herself in front of her husband). A side note, if someone kills themselves in your house, the home owner is a suspect until they figure it out, it takes months. They search your home, take computers, leave you scared out of your mind for those months until you are cleared.  All this after the death of my husband and another friend.  Remembering is painful.

      The past is really a blur, i don't recall all the tests, maybe a spinal tap (very painful for many). 

      Try not to worry so much, life is too short, go enjoy it. Get interested in something besides hoping for some disease you might have. I know it is hard to get past it, but you have to stay away from the symptom checker on line. If you have something, eventually it will manifest itself very cearly.  I am still in therapy, it is NOT easy, but it is possible to gain a semblence of control in your life. 

      GO PLAY!

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    • Posted

      Wow Dee that is rough! You are very strong though I can see. Thanks for all your advice I think I will try therapy again and yes just taking it one day at a time, trying to enjoy life which I have not been doing for many months. Wishing you all the best and proud of you for getting through all that in such a short amount of time
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    • Posted

      Thank you. Yes it was terribly rough. It makes making friends more of a challenge, I worry they too will kill themselves or they will get cancer, or, or . . . or . . . I try hard to see the wonderful beauty i had in each relationship.  Plus my beliefs in the beautiful afterlife given to all people, help me not worry. I just want goodness for everyone out here in cyberland. Life takes us down some pretty wonderful and some not so wonderfual paths in life. Life is hard on some level for everyone, we just have to keep that in mind; we are not alone in this journey of life. 

      How beautiful that you reached out here and now you are supporting me. Isn't that something smile  

      Hang in there sweet lady.  Thank you

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    • Posted

      Please know that wasn't your fault she committed suicide if you feel like that in any way but yes both a suicide and csncer taking a loved one are very traumatic. I have the same worries as you. Since my ex passed from cancer so young and he told me he didn't want me to be sad for years before he went and now I have found this wonderful guy that I plan to marry and have a life with it's hard to not have that fear of something happening to him so I totally relate to how you feel. I definetly have a fear of losing anyone close to me. But I guess we just have to take it one day at a time and try to see the beauty as you say. I also believe in an afterlife and find that comforting. I also struggled for a long time with people my age being able to understand what I went through, my ex was 24 when he passed and we were together 5 years so it was hard for others my age to get what I was feeling and that was hard when you feel like you just don't fit in almost. But I believe god brought me through that and my angel in heaven sent me who I have today. I just wish I could get back to the wonderful place I was when I met my current boyfriend. Even though I was still grieving I didn't take life for granted and I think I was humbled and saw the beauty out there. For the past six months I've been depressed and just so anxious. So I hope little by little I can get back to a happier and more peaceful place. And I pray the same for you! We just have to keep going! Xoxo

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