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Teaching English job in Japan - I cancelled at the last day for depression and anxiety.

Posted , 4 users are following.

arnold68787
arnold68787

Hey guys, I'm going to tell you guys about what happened to me in the last few days. It's a decision I might regret for the rest of my life, but I had to do it due to my terrible health and social anxiety.

Ok so about 2 months ago, I applied for teaching English in Japan and ended up getting a job.  I arrived to Tokyo 3 days ago and had to report to the company.  Now keep in kind that I haven been having terrible social anxiety disorder all my life, 

Just yesterday, when I had to finally report to the company, I had some kind of panic attack, afraid of doing the teaching job and felt like I should avoid it if possible.  This also has to do a lot with my physical health issues, as I have been suffering from blepharitis (dry and irritating eye condition) and tinnitus (ringing noise in my ears), and I also feel dizzy and faigue very easily when not getting enough nutrition.

I was so afraid that my health may deteriorate further and definitelty didn't want that happen.

Wth all these things combined, I had some kind of panic attack and wanted to kill myself for being so stupid and accepting the job even with my terrible health issues.

I thought that I should stay home and try to take care of my health rather than having a job in Japan.  I even thought that if I stay in Japan, it may even lead me to a suicide.

So I bought myself a plane ticket and will be going back to America in few days.  I have not notified the company yet, as I'm planning to do it in few hours.

I'm such a dimwit for accepting the job when I knew this was probably going to happen.  I lied to myself that I can over come my social anxiety and health issues and can still live in Japan alone, and this is the consequence that I get. 

I ended up wasting thousands of dollars just for this.  And my parents supported all this money even though they have debt on the credit cards.  They wanted me to succeed in Japan, but I ended up making the situation as bad as possible.

Now I'm afraid of getting any kind of job.  If I can't achieve a job in Japan, then I won't be able to achieve a job in America, either.

I just feel like my family's better off without me.  I keep making things worse and feel like I'm a burden to them.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I am going back to America.  That is for sure and I'm not changing that.  But what would I be doing once I get back to America?

Honestly now I have even bigger anxiety of doing any kind of job.  Feels like I will give up again, just like what happened here in Japan.

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 arnold68787

    Posted

    You did the right thing for you right now. Buddy you are priceless dont dare place some stupid thousand dollars or two as your price tag. Youll go and get some therapy and if needed meds and get yourself back yourself back up to par. When you feel better youll go and work in Your area. nothing wrong with  that at all. This is only one tiny chapter in your life dont make it more then it is. I agree with your decision to leave and go home. I cant figure out why some people with unmanaged anxiety ever leave in that state of mind, you are the third person on here to do that, all nightmares, at least you are saving yourself early on and returning home for the proper treatment to get all this managed. Be proud of yourself not angry.
  • helen20833
    helen20833 arnold68787

    Posted

    Oh honey, as a mother myself I can say hand on heart there isn't enough money in the world more important than my now adult sons. Don't you ever think your parents would think you have failed them, because you have not. Don't ever think they will care more about the money than the will for your welfare.

    You are ill with anxiety/panic disorder. The added stress of a new career in a foreign land so far away from home and family? No wonder you couldn't cope. Once you are home with those who love you, you can seek the help and support you desperately need. You will recover and when you do you will be able to resume working. Never mind fearing the future. Get better,take it a day at a time. And the, every day is a healing day

  • borderriever
    borderriever arnold68787

    Posted

    Hello arnold

    I have blereritus caused by Psoriasis and it also effects the ear canal, your eyes are no real problem, generally I use eye drops or just a cool moist soft tissue and wipe my eyes, away from my nose.

    Do you not feel the need to prove yourself, it is a long flight back to  USA. Could you not just try a few days and see how you will get on. You have a few days before your flight home to show you have at least tried to make that new life

    To be selected means you are well educated and given that alone means they at the school have that faith in you to educate their Students

    Just give it a try, nothing to loose a great deal to win, I would love too visit Japan.You will get paid to see it that is a good prize if nothing else.

    If you need to  chat, to helpwe are here

    BOB

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 arnold68787

    Posted

    Hi Arnold. I so totally agree with all the other answers...

    I have three sons, I love them all more than life itself....they cannot work, because all three have mental health problems...but we love them all the more for that.....

    You parents will be proud of you...you had a HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT to be offered the job in Japan, that was incredible.....

    Take time off, forget about work, just build yourself up once more....you must have so, so much to offer...to fly across the world is incredible in itself...

    Please, see your GP, they can help with the anxiety. But take all of the pressure off yourself...relax, sleep well. Eat well. Remember the world will still be there when you are ready to try again.....it does not matter one iota !!! How long that takes.....

    You are in my heart young man....be very, very, very proud....xxx

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