1. Community
  2. Infections
  3. Genital Herpes Simplex

Telling a new partner I have genital HSV1

Posted , 3 users are following.

natasha28787
natasha28787

I was diagnosed with genital HSV1 five months ago and haven't told anyone about it because I haven't needed to. Now I'm talking to a guy I used to see a few months before I was diagosed. If it all carries on going well and comes to the point where he wants to have sex, I'm gonna have to tell him that since last time, I've got this virus. How the hell do I even approach the subject without him freaking out? I'm so worried about it and it's all I can think about. Does anyone have any tips on how to bring it up? I really like him but I'm worried he won't understand - I myself knew nothing about it until I caught it, and I'd be so gutted to lose him over this.

0 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • feelbroken
    feelbroken natasha28787

    Posted

    Have you guys previously had a sexual relationship? How do you know you didn't get it from him?

    I ran into an old flame a couple months ago and he was wanting to start stuff back up and was wanting sex and I broke down in tears and said that if you knew what I had, you wouldn't want me. He immediately registered that and asked if I had herpes and I said yes and he didn't even blink. He said he didn't care and still felt no different about me and we'll just use condoms. I just couldn't put Jim at risk.. That bothered me more than anything, plus he's crazy.. So I never got back w him. I didn't trust he wouldn't hold it over my head. Of they're worth a d*man and care about you, he will look past it

    • natasha28787
      natasha28787 feelbroken

      Posted

      Yeah we have had before, very on and off for about a year.. Then we stopped seeing each other and I didn't sleep with anyone else until I went on holiday a few months later. I assumed I got it from this guy on holiday; as about four days after I got home, I had my first outbreak and it was horrendous. 

      I know I'm just gonna have to go for it, and see what he says. You're right though, if he's serious enough about me, then I have to have hope that he will be accepting of it. Sounds like you made the right decision! Have you disclosed to anyone else before? SUCH a hard thing for a person to do.

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken natasha28787

      Posted

      Nope... I haven't told anyone else, but I am seeing someone right now and I'm dreading telling him. I am going to send you a private message to tell you more detail.
  • teresa51341
    teresa51341 natasha28787

    Posted

    Hi Natasha. I was diagnosed with Hsv2 about 5 years ago. I did have a relationship after but not for about two years as I couldn't get my head around it. I told my partner at the time. He was uneasy about it a first which was understandable and than said it didn't bother him. But I new by him that he was. And had the ability to make ne feel he didn't want to come near me at times. That relationship broke up but there was alot of other factors also that contributed also. That finished in september last year. I have since just started seeing a new guy and somehow this time I am finding it even harder to tell him. I know I will have to but the fear of having another relationship fail is in the front of my brain. I'm 34 years old now and really don't want this to always come between me and proper relationship.
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken teresa51341

      Posted

      Teresa , so sorry you had to go through w that. You didn't deserve to be made to feel unwanted and like you are dirty. I too have this fear that they won't want to go down on me, always think about it when we're about to be intimate or during, is he going to throw it in my face of he catches it, etc... I dated a guy w hsv 2 briefly, who told me his two ex wives both threw it back in his face and that crushed him.

      How long have you been seeing this new guy?

    • teresa51341
      teresa51341 feelbroken

      Posted

      I've been dating him almost two months and I've been trying to wait a while before becoming intimate. But things are heating up and it's inevitable. But I'm not sure yet if he sees this as a relationship yet or just dating. I feel I'd like to see where weree going before putting myself through the torcher of telling him. I understand how you feel about a guy not wanting to go down on you. My ex wouldn't either. It was difficult but I could have accepted that if he hadn't made me feel rotten. I think alot of people assume if you have an sti your dirty or sleeping with every guy in the country. But realistically the statistics say 1 in 5 women and 1 in 5 men have it and most don't even know it. It's a tough thing to bring up
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken teresa51341

      Posted

      Did your other partner ever get it?

      I would definitely wait until you have the talk about where you guys are and decide to make this a relationship. I am going to be taking the same approach as you. I've dated two guys since I got it and was fretting from the first moment I went out w them, about telling them. I also think it contributed subconsciously to my self sabotaging ways, because deep down I didn't think they'd accept it. One I knew w out a doubt, he wouldn't, but the fact is, I sat there wasting all my time fretting over telling them and the right way too and ended up not liking them as I got to know them better or them not liking me. So I need to wait until it is certain that a relationship is what it is, before I risk putting myself through that humiliating discussion. I would broach the topic about where does he see this going and see what happens. If he makes it a relationship, then decide then is a good time or if some other time is. Don't wait when you're all heated up

Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.