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Telling someone you have genital herpes

Posted , 4 users are following.

bree906589
bree906589

how do I tell a guy that I had sex with, that I found out I have genital herpes....? I feel like such an evil person...I didn't know I had them, I told him I was clean. We had sex with a condom, and without in the same "session."

I just don't know what to do. It keeps me up at night, I feel so terrible.

I myself just found out

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • lynn00051
    lynn00051 bree906589

    Posted

    Is it someone you are dating or know well? From the advice I've been given, do it calmly and don't make it sound catastrophic. It's a virus that 1 in 5 people have, from what I've read. They need to know so they can get tested. Assume the reaction will be accepting if it's someone you know.
  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus bree906589

    Posted

    Just take a deep breath and tell him you honestly had no idea until after the fact, and that your're incredibly upset and sorry, but felt it was your responsibility to notify him. You can mention the low transmission risks in case he gets upset. Did you only just acquire GH and which type?
  • sweethheart5703
    sweethheart5703 bree906589

    Posted

    Guess what Bree!! There is only a 0.4 chance that you can spread this to him even without perfect condom use. Read the book "The Good News About The Bad News" it's written by an R.N. And someone who has worked in sex clinics for many years. The book came out 6 years ago so it's pretty recent. Now do you know what type you have? If it's HSV1 there is even less likelyhood that he would get it. If the roles were reversed and he had it and not you there is a slightly higher risk of transmission but not by much. If you have Kindle the book is $10. It tells you how to tell your partner but basically if I was in your shoes just tell him you need to talk to him at dinner and just be honest. You didn't know and you just found out. My question is what prompted you to get tested, are you showing symptoms and were you showing symptoms during sex? Now it's still always possible to give him the virus even without showing symptoms but the female to male transmission is extremely small and that's the good news about the bad news. I'm still reading the book but I was happy to hear that. Just breathe. Stay calm. Don't panic. Honesty is your best policy. I would have him get tested too. A lot of people get this anyways and don't know they have it. If he freaks out read the book. It's so informative and have him read it too. It really puts things in perspective. If he cares about you enough he might overlook this. Some guys are okay with this and now that you both are informed you can be much more careful during sex. Think positive. You didn't know.
    • bree906589
      bree906589 sweethheart5703

      Posted

      Oh god your username is very true you seem like such a sweet person thank you so much. You really made me feel a lot better about going about this. I appreciate you going out of your way to comment. I'm definitely going to look into that book.

      Thank you.

    • sweethheart5703
      sweethheart5703 bree906589

      Posted

      You're very welcome. Also you didn't say which testing you did that confirmed it but make sure you did the correct testing for a proper diagnosis. If you were only visually inspected and they didn't back it up with a blood test I'd get the blood test to make sure. The Igm blood test is not reliable but the IGG is. Did you find out by blood? I read a comment by a woman who read this book and she said she was told she had herpes when she didn't actually have it because they used the wrong testing method. Getting the right testing is key. Make sure you have a correct diagnosis or second opinion to be sure. I'm going to assume you weren't showing symptoms during sex especially if you did it twice in one night. And by that I mean obvious symptoms. Don't stress. All will be ok either way.
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