Terrified of losing control. Desperate for help.

i’m so sorry you are going through this Danielle.

In your situation, it’s really important that you get some relief for your mind so that you can look at this in a more positive way.

try to break things down in small segments rather than looking at everything all at one time. That is overwhelming. When I break things down it’s not as bad.

1. Sounds like you have a mild case of Covid which should resolve itself soon.
2. You had the ringing in your ears, difficulty focusing, etc. before Covid so that is nothing new. Although it may have gotten a little stronger with Covid, it should settle down but you have to give it some time. Remember, those things are also affected by your anxiety level.
3. The depersonalization is most likely back because of your high anxiety level. This can be brought down or eliminated by bringing down your anxiety.
4. you are not going to lose your memory. Or anything else. You are going through a high state of anxiety combined with Covid. This is all going to settle down but you have to combat this by doing the opposite of what you have been doing. Instead of freaking yourself out and raising your anxiety even higher which raises the symptoms even higher, you need to get serious about letting it all go through complete relaxation, long slow deep breathing exercises, etc. Go in a quiet room such as your bedroom , lay down and turn on a deep complete body scan meditation or just general meditation for anxiety. You need to do this a couple times a day or whenever you’re feeling completely overwhelmed. your brain and body need this. The proper breathing is just as important as the meditation.

   you said you were driving yourself crazy so unless you do the opposite it’s just going to continue. Don’t let this take you over. You’re going to be OK but you need to take action to help yourself. The only other thing I could suggest is getting some virtual counseling right at home.

   get serious about taking action to feel better. There’s all kinds of help on YouTube for this., Very soothing and reassuring meditations. Also make sure you are drinking plenty of water to stay hydrated, eat healthy and stay away from caffeine and sugar, junk foods etc.

   the bottom line is you are going to be OK! just slow your mind down and take care of yourself. Just take one day at a time. Think of things that you are grateful for, smile. You will be OK!