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Terrified of metastatic breast cancer

Posted , 5 users are following.

mandy1983
mandy1983

So, I'll try to make a long story short. I'm 36, was 34 at the time this all came about. 2 years ago I found an indentation in my breast.. I went the next day to my gynecologist, who sent me for mammogram and ultrasound. Both of those came back clear. I googled, like I always do, and found that there are some breast cancers that don't show up on imaging tests, other than an MRI. So, what do we with health anxiety do? Go into full blown panic mode and go see another doctor who will ease our fears for the moment. So I went to see a primary care physician who assured me this isn't cancer. I was relieved but not for long. I then called a breast center and they got me in to see a nurse navigator. She also assured me that this is not cancer, but agreed to get me in to see a breast oncologist to lay my fears to rest. You know where I'm going here. Went to the breast oncologist who was wonderful. She also, assured me, and even looked at my mammogram and ultrasound again to make sure she didn't see anything. I put it in the back of my mind and quit worrying about it for a while, but got a weird tingly feelinf in my lower lip and dummy me, I googled what could be causing it. Guess what comes up! First thing it says, it's caused from metastatic breast cancer that has spread to the jaw and the prognosis is months to live. I flipped out. I went to the ER and they automatically started testing for stroke symptoms. That was ruled out. Doctor after doctor checked and couldn't tell me what was causing it, other than anxiety. My PCP did an MRI of my neck and jaw to make sure there was nothing wrong there. It was clear.

So shouldn't I be able to let this whole thing go?! No, because new symptoms start coming and I somehow can piece everything together to (in my mind) make it all be coming from breast cancer that has spread to my organs. Right now, I'm terrified it's went to my liver because I have a weird feeling under my right rib that very well could be my bad gallbladder or an ulcer that I've given myself from all of this worrying. But like I always do, everything is caused by undetected cancer in my mind. Why can I not let this go?!

I went again today for a follow-up on my breast dent and everything checked out but she ordered another mammogram to be on the safe side. She said my weight fluctuation has caused the dent and lazy ligaments.

The thing is, even if the mammogram comes back clear, will I be able to let this whole thing go and quit worrying that I'm gonna die and leave my girls motherless?! I don't see how, but I'm holding onto hope that I can stop this because it's a terrifying way to live.

Does anyone else have a crippling fear like this and wonder if you'll ever be able to live a happy life?

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • vicky60291
    vicky60291 mandy1983

    Posted

    Hi mandy , yes , most here on this forum does as im sure have read and aware of . . Your fear was given a clean bill of heath ,thank God ! Next mammogram will second that notion im sure .. You fear leaving your girls motherless but have you thought about your worrying is affecting them ? Have they been scared and worried about you for 2 years ? Enjoy each other , be their mom , get a hobbie with each other , to get your mind off of your fear and be happy your cancer test were ALL CLEAR NO CANCER !!!! YAY !!!

  • Amz87
    Amz87 mandy1983

    Posted

    You had had so many tests and seen SO many different drs please believe that you do not have cancer.

    You are lucky they all took you so seriously. I have several lumps in both my breasts and my dr refused to send me for an ultrasound saying they are only cysts and that i need to stop being anxious over everything. So now im too embarrassed to get a 2nd opinion that i know i need.

    im 32 with 4 kids and have the same fears.

    I also get tingles in my lips and been told the same its just anxiety x

  • Beth2008
    Beth2008 mandy1983

    Posted

    first off thank heavens you are cancer free!!! Second, the best thing you can do for yourself is get rid of google! it is a game changer. i know from experience that fear can bring on the worst of physical symptoms. Everyday I feel I have a new disease.. its aweful! take care ♥

  • Beth2008
    Beth2008 mandy1983

    Posted

    first off thank heavens you are cancer free!!! Second, the best thing you can do for yourself is get rid of google! it is a game changer. i know from experience that fear can bring on the worst of physical symptoms. Everyday I feel I have a new disease.. its aweful! take care ♥

  • katarzyna_44986
    katarzyna_44986 mandy1983

    Posted

    hi Mandy all i will tell you girl is please stop searching on google because it will end you up going crazy and stop telling yourself that you have cancer because your body will listen to your mind and make it happen .just dont forget that our mind is most powrful thing and is best to stop it right now girl .i wish you all best and please change the way you think find some hobby,read ,do sports if you like or cook something nice ,get pet if you can and please give plenty of your love and time to those close to your heart TRUST ME it helps so best wishes

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