Thanatophobia and am I normal

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I am 29 years old I live with my partner we have been together for 5 years I love her to pieces but I am constantly wondering if there is something wrong with me mentally this has been going on for years before my partner but I

Think about death constantly not killing myself or anything like that but I think about someone close toe dying and how I'd feel I often cry about things that haven't happened yet it takes over my day once I was sitting on a bus and an elderly lady got on and I thought as horrid as it sounds I wonder when she will pass away what will happen is there an other side but I terrify myself I feel sick and get a strange empty pain in my chest I've looked up Thanatophobia but unsure if can be treated 

I am also extremely immature and have poor concentration I get board easily and have found myself  being disruptive I find it hard in my job doing the same task over and over 

I also can be very up and down one minute I'm happy next I'm sad next I'm agitated and angry (never violent) 

I'm paranoid for the stupidest reasons , like my partner going to work I check her hours so I know what. Time she will be in etc 

My mum suffers from depression and has done since she was 19 not sure if that's relevant 

I can't live the rest of my life like this I've lived nearly half my human life already feeling like an outcast I don't want to stay this way 

Any advice? 

1 like, 12 replies

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi subostar.

    My reply isn't really advice but a little comfort, if any, that I know exactly what you're going through.

    I suffer with panic and anxiety disorders about the inevitability of my own death and worry myself over the deaths of loved ones that aren't gone yet, like my mum, dad, partner and siblings.

    I often imagine how id feel or what id do, if there is anything after death as im not religious at all.

    I too sit on the bus and if there's an elderly person or elderly people on the bus I sit and wonder when they will die, how close they are to it, or I will say to myself " they'll be in a box soon" and imagine what they'd look like dead. Its very morbid and I often scare myself when I catch myself in these situations.

    I too have very poor concentration and purposely got a job where I wouldn't be completing repetitive tasks, to stimulate my brain at every possible point during the day.

    I also used to be paranoid about my partner as he works away but I've managed to get over that, only problem is to get over it I've fallen completely head over heals in love with him, if he ever left me it would destroy me mentally, I know this and used to worry about it but now im living each day as it comes and try to keep my mind off of the future, its the only way I can function day to day.

    My moods used to be all over the place to the point where even I struggled to keep up with them and found them confusing most of the time.

    I've succumbed to the fact it can never be treated because we're surrounded by death every day and death is something each and every one of us some day have to face, there's no choice about it, no getting around it. So I don't see how someone could make you "see the positive" or question "will this fear actually happen" I don't see how you can get over something you have no control over.

    I feel a bit of an outcast because I cant understand why every person on this planet isn't in the same situation I am, why everyone isn't worried about it and if they are then they're not worried enough, I don't know why I feel like this but I do.

    In the 8 years I've have these mental conditions I've tried everything to help myself but none of it has lasting results, the one thing that has made it easier to get by is medication, I take an antidepressant and a beta blocker, quite high doses, these get me through each day and night.

    Until I started taking the medication these conditions took over my life, I couldn't eat, sleep, was always anxious and had to have a lot of time off of work.

    I'm currently awaiting therapy but im quite dubious about it for reasons as above.

    Please don't let my views change yours, every person that has this condition deal with it in different ways, some are like me and some swing off the radar and find god.

    Please try everything before giving up and I hope you find something that can help you.

    If you want to talk more don't hesitate to private message me.

    Best wishes.


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    • Posted


      Firstly thank you, I've never spoke to anyone who feels the same way as I do..  And from sounds of it your going threw the exact same thing

      I don't know how you would feel about swapping emails be nice to have someone to talk to about it.

      Thank you so much 

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    • Posted

      I would be more than happy to go private message with you, its a delicate subject and id not like to 'bare all' in public and i don't think you would either, so send me a message when you're ready and I'll get back to you.

      Best wishes


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    • Posted

      I am going through the exact situation u went through.....plz give me deatiled steps to overcome my phobia plz i beg you...i just cant bear it anymore... plz reply me fast..plzplz
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  • Posted

    You shouldn't worry about death, more and more people are turning away from religion and turning toward a belief in Reincarnation, not only is there a lot of proof, but people actually have memories of past lives and often "feel" they have been here before.  So what is worst case scenario?  A bad reincarnation.  Is that so bad?  And that is dependent on how you live your life - so if you are good and kind to others, then you should have nothing to fear. 

    Most people believe there is "someone up there" watching over us - why not have a chat to him?  Not in a Church on any religious place, as I don't think you will find him in any religion, but quietly on your own.  Maybe he will send you a sign that he has heard you and will give you some help. 

    And finally have you asked your doctor for something to calm you down and relax you?  Perhaps a sedative to take away the anxiety.


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    • Posted

      Hi Borg

      I have to say I'm not a religious person although I have considered starting to go to chuch and seeing if it's for me.

      I speak to my Grampa quite often who passed away 14 years ago tell him my problems how I'm feeling etc 

      But I find that the thoughts are always in my head I can't seem to get away from them I've .

      tried thinking positive and trying to change my view but so far to no avail,

      I've had propranolol but I couldn't sleep with them and when I did I had awful nightmares I have GP tonight tho so hopefully he can give me something to help

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    • Posted

      There are things they can give you for Anxiety, and that does seem to be what you have, you seem to need something to stop you worrying unessesarily about things.

      Whether you go to Church, or Mosque, or Synagogue or Temple or whatever - it is all the same thing, and that is an awareness of someone up there, and some kind or order and plan and destiny, some kind of reason for life, and also the feeling that you are not alone, that someone watches over you and cares for you.   There is only one Supreme Being, but people have different views and different names.  Try to use the word "Lord" and do not use the word "God".  See him as young, like a brother or a friend, and not as some old man or Father.

      You have nothing to lose by having a talk to him, you do not have to go to Church, or Temple or whatever to do that.  I have found  he sometimes answers by way of Signs, such as maybe a song on the radio, or a strange coincidence or a turn of events in your life, or sometimes something very beautiful in nature.   Just to show you that he is there and he is listening. 

      I wish you the best.

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    • Posted

      Hey, I'm glad you're opening up to new things to help you, I tried church also, wasn't for me.

      It just wound me up how much I have some imaginary man to thank for, just kept thinking, why am I thanking someone I don't think is there when I've accomplished everything in my life with hard work and my own initiative, not because some 'great creator' gave it to me.

      You may find it works for you, if it does then all the better for your fears.

      At least I gave it a try, all be it in desperation, I wasn't interested in knowing before and I cant say I have any desire to now.

      Let me know how you find it.

      Danielle x

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    • Posted

      You wont' find "him" in Church or in any religion, all religions are imperfect and flawed and they all speak untruths and lies, and they are all full of bigotry and hippocrisy - it is better to find him in your own heart and in your own mind and wisdom, and in the beauty of nature and all around you.

      He is not "some imaginary man" I can assure you. 

      And he really does answer you if you speak to him.  I have had many Signs and Clues to help me on my way. 

      If it were not for him there would be no point to life and no reason for living.  Perhaps you have not given the subject any real deep thought, because if you did, then you would conclude someone like that does exist and he is not "some imgainary man" otherwise there would be no point to life at all.

      There are people who are too busy with the shallow and trivial things of life like you and do not believe as they do not give the matter any real deep thought. 

      If you did give the matter some serious thought, there is only one conculsion you could come to, and the proof and evidence that he exists is everywhere and you can get personal proof by way of signs and clues if you do believe and if you do talk to him.

      I always think it is very bad to promote atheism in the way that you do, I am sure it is a Sin.  To try to take away the only thing that gives comfort to so many people, must surely be a bad things to do.  And like I said, give the matter some deep and serious thought, and you will believe.

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    • Posted

      Bit presumptuous of you replying to a post meant for someone else Borg, you act like you respect all religions, well atheism happens to be one, we just don't go around thanking imaginary people for our accomplishments in life, you'll be telling me next that dinosaurs never existed, the world was created in 7 days and were not related to apes.

      I have no prejudice towards people who have faith and I don't ridicule them for it, but it is damn rude to call my beliefs a sin, you don't see me calling you crazy for entrusting your whole life to something that's never been proven, I just keep an open mind, from your previous post it sounds like yours is as closed off as its ever going to get.

      You talk about me promoting atheism when all I was doing was giving personal experience as feedback to someone in exactly the same position as me

      You're the worst kind of hypocrite peddling your religious views on people who don't see the world like you then disputing another view and ridiculing it.

      For your information I have never and will never believe in gods or people in the sky but at least I gave it a go, and no it wasn't just a pop in and out, you think a person in my position would do something like this so lightly?? If you do then you are truly deluded.

      How dare you question me like this, you are the rudest person I've ever met and all because I expressed my opinions, I didn't say don't go now did I, all I said was it didn't work for me so get off your high and mighty INVISIBLE horse!!!

      And have YOU tried all these other religions because believe me if you haven't then you need to give your head a shake suggesting them and proclaiming to be well versed in all of them because you had better be if your telling people with real concerns to turn to them, and if I'm not religious why would I go to all these places and try all these things when I have no interest in doing so.

      I'm going to end this ridiculous conversation, clearly you don't want to know anyone who doesn't believe what you believe, or you ridicule them if they attempt to give another view.

      I never proclaimed to be a 'know it all' about religion as you so 'clearly' are.

      The worst part is that I could ridicule you and take the piss about your beliefs for hours.....days.......weeks......but the difference is I wont, I have integrity, morals, a back bone, clearly all of which you are missing.

      Consider yourself a religious Nut!

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  • Posted

    And to be honest, is that all you did?  Try Church and that was it? Did you try the Temple or the Mosque or the Synagogue?  Did you go to Egypt or Greece or China?  How serious were you about this?  All the religions speak of the same person, there is only one Supreme Being.  In all truth, Church would be the LEAST likely place you would find him.  The Hindu Temple is more likely, as least there they are vegetarian and anti-abortion and have nothing against Gay men.  But if you are serious about this, popping into Church will hardly give you the answer,  and does not show any real committment or effort.

    That is what life is about, your relationship with that person, and that effects you during life, after life and beyond.   Life is not about the shallow and trivial.  Life is not about boyfriends and girlfriends and producing children.  There is something much more to Life than that and so do not try to take that away from anyone else just because you cannot see it and you do not believe. 

    If the sum total of your effort was to pop into Church, then you are hardly an authority on the subject are you?

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  • Posted

    I also often think about my family members and loved ones death, and cry over it. I find it best to think about life and whats to come and that everyone dies and you may not live to see everyone die but thats ok because once you die everything is all better. I mean i dont really know what happens but if you believe in reincarnation you probably wont remember your past life or dying, if you are religious then you will go to heaven if you are forgiven for your sins. If none of that happens then maybe its just like your sleeping and you just wont know but its just like never having a life which yo dont remember so either way death is ok. I realize this post is over a year old but im very interested in this topic and i am doing a report on this topic i hope you have found a remedy to your problems and wish you the best of luck and good thoughts.
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