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Thank you all so very VERY MUCH!!!!

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Im Sooooo very sorry for the following very long post but, i am known to waffle on some what! 😎

I would just like to thank everyone on here past & present for being there for me & taking the time to reply to my mumbling & moaning & waffling on through all hours of the day, (And night when I was nocturnal)! You all know who you are, so I thank every single one of you so very much!

But due to all the Oxycontin I took over the 8 years or so, without never being told by my then GP what it was till it was way too late! My memory, along with my testosterone levels, so my hormones are up & down like a Bloody yoyo!! has now totally gone so I honestly just cannot remember many things!😎

For those seeing this message who are just starting that fight to claim their lives back, I'm here as living proof to tell you that you can do it & beat what you think is absolutely impossible to beat. It isn't!!!

Whether it be co-codamol, Morphine, Oxycodone, Oxycontin, Fentanyl etc etc etc, the list goes on & on!!

Many of you know my story but, for those who don't, to cut a very long story short, I was prescribed Oxycodone, then Oxycontin 800mgs per day for degenerative disc disease in my lower back & neck, but when I realised when I got up to 1500mgs per day of Oxycontin, where if I went to a different pharmacy, (i travelled with work) even after they rung the Dr's surgery for confirmation, they wouldn't give me my totally genuine prescription as they didn't want to be responsible for what may happen to me!!!

I guess things like that I wouldn't be around to give my gorgeous daughters away, and that I was so sick of seeing my partner who has stood by me through the 8 years plus that I was on this crap crying herself to sleep most nights because she thought i no longer wanted her!! That really does hit home & it really did tear my heart out!!!

(I would also cry myself to sleep feeling so bad for what I was putting the love of my life through, yet I just couldn't seem to change whatever it was I was doing to her, or myself, as Oxy was all that mattered to me!!)

Not only was I destroying myself through no fault of my own but, I was also destroying the ones who were my whole World, my whole life & who I loved with all my heart!!

They say Heroin takes over everything & it rules your life, it does, and it did with me, for a while, I've never even touched any illegal drugs in my whole life till I was legally, by my very own GP who we all trust, prescribed this Heroin!!! Then I finally, after 8 years woke up. I woke up because i wanted to see my 50th Birthday which I didn't think I ever would. Well I have done it, as i'm 50 today!!

And after being totally free of all that heroin which is man made I.e Oxycontin since August 2016. I'm finally only now starting to feel like I'm claiming my life back!!

My partner actually said to me on Christmas eve; "Thank you so very much for fighting this that you have fought all this time & finally coming back to me"

Those few words meant so very much to me!

Even though the pain is at times unbearable, I know one thing, I have the love & support of my family, true friends & my Soul mate who didn't have too & i even gave her the choice to walk away over a year ago as i fealt so bad, but she chose me, and I will spend the rest of my life paying her back for her unconditional love & support over & through all these years!

When we go through something like this, even if we didn't ask for it, it's not only us that suffer, it's the ones we love the most that suffer even more than we do!

I'm still not right after being free from all that Oxycontin for nearly 17 months now but, i know as i can feel it, that my life is slowly returning back to me. Im no longer in the TwighlightZone as I get days where i feel like my old self where i want to do things I used to love doing, playing the guitar, singing, polishing & repairing watches & jewellery that I used to love doing but have been unable to do for such a very long time, along with Socialising with friends etc, I just could no longer do any of it & I didn't know why!! But now, all of the above is slowly starting to come back to me!

I get bad days where i still cannot do anything but, at least now I'm actually getting a few days in the month where i want to do certain things that I thought I'd lost forever. Hopefully now those monthly will turn into weekly, then daily! I now actually look forward to spending planned time with my daughters, planning going out with & spending quality time with my partner, just the two of us alone at home, where as before i had no interest at all & i didn't know why, I just wanted to stay within these 4 walls on my own!! Now i do know, it was all that Oxycontin messing with my brain!!

So, it's a start and after all this time I'm now getting there!!

I was put on methadone, (115mils per day to prevent withdrawals from all that Oxycontin) from August 2016, I've dropped it from 115mils of methadone per day down to my current dose of 35mils per day. I hope to be free from all opiates come summer. So I can finally claim my life back fully!! I just have the pain to deal with then. I know it's so very hard & I honestly don't know what I'll do to cope with the pain but, one thing I do know, I will never be persuaded by a GP to take Oxycontin ever again as i dont intend to be yet another statistic for pharmacuetical companies having the blood on their hands of very very many thousands of innocent victims in a multimillion dollar industry.

If I can beat this then anyone can!!!

Thank you all so very much for the great & valued support you have given me. Without which, I don't know where I would be right now! I Love & appreciate you all!!!

This is a poem I wrote & read to the love of my life, who is my Soul mate when I felt in a place where i was starting to claim my life back after taking her for a meal to our favourite place the night before Xmas eve. And I plucked up the courage to actually read it out loud to her on our way home.

Sorry, it is very sloppy for a bloke!!!!

I dealt with so much, through all of those years, I tried to suffer in silence, but i caused you many tears.

You stuck by me through it all & tried to help all that time, you must've been worried sick, though the fault was all mine,

Things happen in this life, which makes us who we are, I guess you can't go through it all, without picking up the odd scar.

I'm now getting better, though I felt like a little kid, I cannot thank you enough, for everything that you did!

I Love you so very much, for being there for me, you were there through it all, including things I couldn't see!

I really do thank you, for doing all that you did. For your help & your Love, when I was being that little kid.

It was because of you & your help, that got me all the way through, and for that I just wanna say, I will always Love You!!!

Here's to praying & hoping that 2018 will be the year for each & everyone of us to gain our lives back & be as pain free as we so deserve to be!!!

Not just for us, but also for the ones we love so much & who love us so very much too!!

God bless you all! And thank you all so very much for being there for me & those in a similar position to me!

God Bless

Ritchie xx

1 like, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • natasha79413
    natasha79413 Guest

    Posted

    WEll done, you have given me hope that one day my husband will also wake up and realise how oxy is ruining his life. X
    • Guest
      Guest natasha79413

      Posted

      Hi Natasha.

      Thank you for your reply.

      Are things getting any better for you & your husband?

      I know when we last spoke, he wasn't on a high amount. At my worst I was on 1500mgs per day of the junk!! And I still to this day do not know how I'm still here!!!

      I do hope the amount he is taking hasn't gone up too much. As I've said to you before, our bodies become used to the amount till it does nothing at all, then we have to take more & more to get the same relief that just 5mg used to give us.

      With me, in the end it didn't help the pain at all. I took all that stuff to just get me back to feeling "Normal" that wasn't the normal that normal people feel, but that was my normal feeling as even after 2hrs of taking 200mgs of Oxy, I would start to feel withdrawal symptoms.

      Body aches, sweats, my vision would go & I would feel like I wasn't in my own body, weird hey!!

      I really do hope you're all ok & I hope & prey that one day soon your husband will see what it has done to him.

      As I've offered before, if he ever needs to talk to someone who knows exactly how he feels, just message me & I'll give you my number so he can talk to me. But, one thing I do know Is, he won't do it till he is ready.

      All the very best to you both Natasha

      Ritchie xx

  • Pedro74
    Pedro74 Guest

    Posted

    Hi Richie it’s darren if you remember me mate ! 

    I’ve lost my old log in password so I’ve made a new account.  You must remember me mate we had some good chats you even gave me your number I’m sure and I’m gutted I didn’t use it. You even went out of your way and gave me a contact in London who I’ve been okay but due to my lack of consistency it’s more me who doesn’t make things happen. Well how are you mate I’m doing okay not been good over the last month but I’ll tell you more if you respond.  Hope you doing well mate it’s took me ages to get back on here as I couldn’t remember anything and I’ve been giving google a workout let’s put it that way ha ... I’m still hook line and sinker with the oxy it’s not easy mate is it. But I’m hopeful and have got rid of a lot demons. Had some bad events that triggers abuse but as I say I’ll talk when you reply mate 

    Chat soon mate Darren... 

    Now pedro 

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