Thank You - Secret Drinker Discussion

Posted , 8 users are following.

hi everyone

I would like to first thank RHGB for responding on my behalf about the hospital visit yesterday and the outcome. I knew I wouldn't have time yesterday to update the forum until today.

I've been overwhelmed by the support and private messages I've received since starting the thread. I've always said that the best advice and support available to anyone and their family and friends regarding AUD is this forum. The last couple of days have certainly proved that.

I always used to think I had loads of friends, I was always out socialising, not just with my friends, but as a couple too. I've mentioned before about the reaction of some 'friends' after my drink/driving charge. Although never having met anyone from this forum (probably why it works so well), there are a couple of members who I regard as friends. Not the false airkissing brigade who basically couldn't really give a toss, but very genuine and above all, caring people who go out of their way to offer advice, help and support. Sometimes not always what I've wanted to hear, but after reflection, have looked at a problem from another angle and perception.

My family and genuine friends have always discribed me as a black or white person. Right or wrong. No grey areas. Hope this makes sense, I never saw the bigger picture, and I can now see I could come across unintentially, hard and a bit judgemental.

This last week has made me think and to a certain extent, it has changed my right or wrong view. Yes, I could hate the fact that I couldn't be trusted to look after my young grandson, and someone else was doing it. I have never criticised my son and DIL over their decision not to involve me. I would certainly have done the same with my three children..From what I knew and could see, the other grandma did a great job. The kids were happy with her and she was reliable.

Hate, betrayal, payback time, serves her right, don't let her see her grandchildren, wicked, evil have all been said about her, and how badly I've been treated. Yes at one time I'd have totally agreed with it, poor me. However, I do take some responsibility, I chose to drink and  paid the price. All these negati

 

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  • Posted

    / continued

    all the text was going funny again, paragraphs in the wrong order so have had to split the discussion.

    All these negative words, suggestions serve no real purpose at the end of the day. It's no good dwelling in the past, feeling hurt and badly treated. Yes she deceived people over her drinking. My opinion, right or wrong, is that she drank heavily in the evening and at night.  She would have enough alcohol in her system to function normally in the morning, she probably topped up enough to stop withdrawals and then drank big time once home. She would have been doing this, day after day. Not drunk and wasted, but not sober either.

    I seem to have rambled on so do apologise. Life isn't black and white, I now know that. Two small children will be without a grandma who they both love and particularly the eldest whose seen his grandma nearly everyday for 8 years.

    yes, I'm looking after the youngest which is great for me, but at the same time at someone else's expense, for want of a better phrase. 

    Thanks again for the support. We can't change the past, things that have gone on, words spoken in anger, whose right and whose wrong. For my sake what's done is done and tomorrow is another day.

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    • Posted

      Ok get the just now. Thankfully you are allowed to look after your grandson now. I guess the mention of Hospital must be with reference to other Grandma.....sounds sad. Perhaps I will find previous reference to what actually happened.

      Yes I too was a very black and white person....amazing what life lessons teach us, The wisdom of the elders 😂😉💕

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    • Posted

      No we can't change our past Vicks but we can change our future and that's exactly what you have done. Ironically a rotten past for many of us has made us so much better and empathetic people for the future . Hats off to you , you must be so proud of your grandchildren and your family proud of what you do for others and have achieved for yourself .You are really having suchva tough time this last few weeks dealing with others issues...Take care of yourself too 😍😍x

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  • Posted

    Wow Vickylou! You obviously rang out of space. I am not sure of the background to this message. Also you mentioned your Drink Driving offence......I have obviously not followed a lot of your posts. Am I correct in thinking you have given up alcohol or therabouts....TSM. Is it too soon for your son and DIL to reconsider you with your grandson?

    I am assuming you had a very negative response re your Drink Driving....I too have this on my record now...paying the price now!

    I wanted to touch base and say thank you for your honesty and hope things continue to improve for you, 

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    • Posted

      Put very briefly Sharon, I had/have AUD and got caught drink driving the next day after a party.

      Took campral for a year which worked well and now drink socially. I no longer drink alone, never touch spirits now and know when I've had enough.

      Due to my problems with alcohol my son and daughter in law didn't want me looking after my grandsons. Daughter in laws mum, other grandma looked after them.

      Shes now been in hospital for a month with serious complications following untreated pneumonia. However she used to be a heavy drinker till the first grandchild arrived 8 years ago, when she supposedly stopped drinking. However tests done in hospital have shown she didn't stop drinking and has been drinking daily and has severe cirrhosis and multi organ failure and not long left. My daughter refused to let her see her grandkids, basically to say goodbye, neither would she see her mum either. This forum helped me enormously and resulted in DIL agreeing with me to take kids to see their grandma, and her making peace with her mum. Yes I'm now looking after 15 month grandson, and shared care with eldest. Have done for the past month, before they found out other grandma had not stopped drinking.

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  • Posted

    Hi Vickylou. Thank you for your honesty about your battle with alcohol and your feelings and insights. I originally joined this site because of my diagnosis with clinical depression. My husband is a dysfunctional alcoholic who binge drinks whenever he has the opportunity. He had been sober for about a month, which is good for him. Today he started drinking again. For the last 19 years I've hoped and prayed he would keep his promise and get the help he needs to quit drinking. Most of those years he hasn't had a job because of his drinking. He has had three drunk driving charges and even been in jail six months for the last one. I understand he has an illness, but he can ask for help and he never carries through. His health is suffering because of it and the doctors keep telling him he has to quit or his health will just keep getting worse. It breaks my heart and I can't do anything but watch him self destruct. Thank you for listening. 

    Take care,

    Phyllis

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    • Posted

      My heart goes out to you Phyllis! Could anteabuse be the way forward for him. Not the best choice but one that could work if one needs 'a kick in the butt'? I know he has to want or ask for help. Maybe if you ask on his behalf you could then get him on board. Sorry if I'm saying the obvious, I am sure you have already tried everything. X

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    • Posted

      Thank you Sharon. As you say he has to do it himself, and I've tried to keep faith that he will take action and get the help he so badly needs and is available to him. I guess I just have to accept that he wants to drink more than he wants anything else. He never asks for help when the temptation is there and he knows he has the support of the people in his life. Thank you again for writing back. X

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    • Posted

      Have you been on this site with him? I would be very surpised if he didnt see things even a little bit differently when he reads what so many people here say either about themeselves or a loved one. He is bound to be able to relate to some of it. You clearly love him and have some issues of your own with depression. Has he been to see the doctor? First steps (sorry if i have missed some of your thread) i know but i am sure deep down inside he knows that things with him are not right and because of that you both are having a massively tough time. I am the person that drinks in my family... my partner has put up with an aufal lot at times, just like you prob have. Your husband is most likely scared of change and maybe doesnt even want to stop drinking yet, for him to stop he has to really, really want to and maybe also seek medication. You say he binge drinks so i suppose its more of a case of him not being in situations where he is tempted, also medication might help but it really comes down to different things suiting and working for different people. I had been sober for two weeks and for some reason i gave in yesterday. I am ashamed and hate feeling this way, i am sure your husband does too. I wish you all the best and my thoughts are with you xxx
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