The anxiety comes at night

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I'm trying to change my life and set up a new business. I have the skills and experience in what I do but never gone it alone.

I also have anxiety and depression all my life. I've been in counselling a year and it's been tough to say the least but I'm sticking with it and determined to face some of my fears.

I'm 43, single and no kids. I don't have much savings and I'm taking some risks here but I feel the regret of not trying will haunt me when I'm older. It haunts me now. I'm taking steps Day by day to try.

The problem is at night. I get overwhelmed by a feeling of doom and the need to run away and hide. The realisation that my mental health problems have made it difficult to maintain relationships and I've missed out on motherhood fill me with grief. Even though I could have a brighter future I fear I'll mess it up and will be really lonely.

In the morning I feel a little better but so so tired from not sleeping.

I keep telling myself that anxiety is a bad habit and these fears are not reality. This sometimes works, but other times it's like the voice of truth, that people like me won't make it in life.

I so much want to learn how to manage my mind better. I'm going to start meditating regularly to see if I can soothe my overactive fearful mind.

It's a burden and getting in the way of me making progress.

Anyone else found meditation and mindfulness helpful? Especially for sleep?

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5 Replies

  • Posted

     You are right the fears are not based on reality. I was doing the same thing and sometimes I still do but I try to remember that the mind is a powerful thing and it tends to go to the negative if we let it. Keep in mind that fear stands for:  FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL.    So true! 

     there are some great meditative audios that are free online dealing with negative thinking, stress etc.  you can find them on YouTube. I listened to him as I'm trying to fall asleep. Keep up the counseling it has really helped me!  Be relentless in the pursuit of peace, health and happiness. Fight for yourself. 

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    • Posted

      Thank you jan34534,

      I'll check out the meditation on YouTube as it would be good to try something before bed.

      I like the 'be relentless'. We didn't ask for our minds to malfunction in this way but we don't need to give in when things can help manage it better. I'll try to keep that phrase as a motto! smile

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  • Posted

    One of the best ways I've found to get to sleep is listening to either talking books, or a radio chat show (nothing too heavy ofc). It stops you from being able to think so much and tying yourself up in these knots.

    I think you need to give yourself a break, being 43, single with no kids isn't the end these days. Lots of women are not having children until their late 40s. Your mental health problems may have led you to some places you're not 100% happy with, but they've also led you to the place where you are opening your own business, where you've been in counselling for a year, coming in here and asking for advice. Those are all massive accomplishments, give yourself a pat on the back!

    I don't think anyone who was going it alone with a new business venture would not have the same doubts you're having, whether they've suffered anxiety or not. It is a big thing, but as you have said, if you don't do it you'll regret it.

    I know all too well myself that trying to stay in the here and now with thoughts is very hard, as is thinking anything good can happen. My brain whirls round at 100mph sometimes and comes up with some real crap, but it also comes up with little bits of genius too. I have rapid cycling bipolar as well as anxiety & complex ptsd, so my brain very rarely stays still, I can have 2 or 3 parallel thoughts going on.

    Music is my own personal therapy, but as much as it is one of my next coping strategies, I can't fall asleep to music, not even classical because I get a bit of a natural 'high' of from it.

    The talking books are relaxing, & if you picture the scenes in your head while you're listening to make it your very own film as such, it's very difficult for the horrible intrusive, overwhelming thoughts to get through to you.

    I hope that helps you somewhat.

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    • Posted

      Thanks so much Vampgirl!

      It really means a lot to read this encouragement. Just knowing there are thoughtful, compassionate people like yourself out there gives me drive to carry on.

      My business aim is to support organisations who work in the field of mental health and wellbeing through creative arts. If I can use my skills to raise awareness and make positive change for people like us then it feels life has purpose. If I don't have kids then I can still work with kids in some way in the future.

      And do you know, I completely agree that an anxious mind has so much genius ideas within it that struggle to manifest because fear stops us believing they will work/have value.

      It must be a strange sensation to have so many parallel thoughts going on for you. You sound like you have found ways to make your mind calmer though. I'll def check out some audio books as I love listening to plays on the radio.

      I love music too and find it expresses emotions in a way I struggle to with words, it's magical. But yes, it can give you a bit of a high too smile

      Well I've only just joined this site but already it's made a huge difference to know I'm not alone!

      Take care xx

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