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The Black Dog is Back

Posted , 5 users are following.

daychasingnight
daychasingnight

I've struggled with depression since well.. forever!

But I started to have a breakthrough last year. I started to feel so much better, so much happier. And I did something very silly... I moved and didn't register with a new doctor. I stopped taking my medication because I thought; I can do this on my own now.

I was so wrong. I was doing fine but the switch turned in my head and now it's worse than ever. I've had to drop out of college because it's gotten so bad that my anxiety means I can't leave the house. I haven't been outside for over two weeks now and although I've been really trying, I just can't do it. My mum also has stage 3 cancer which means I can't talk to her about this (I don't live at home, I'm 22), but I used to be able to talk to her about it. I can't sleep anymore, I've lost my appetite or I'm binging, I like sitting in the dark by myself, I pretend to be asleep if any of my housemates try to come and talk to me, I'm having suicidal thoughts...

I just feel like I'm welcoming a new friend back and I hate it. I want to change, I want to help myself - but I can't leave the house. I want to go to the doctors, make an appointment and beg for them to help me but I just can't do it. I'm struggling so much and I'm even starting to scare myself. I've had quite a few suicide attempts in the past and I can feel myself going back down that route even though that's not what I want to do...

I feel lost. 

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • kyaroru90463
    kyaroru90463 daychasingnight

    Posted

    Please try and get in touch with a local docter or your old one if you're still registered with them.if they're aware of it,even if you're out of area,they should still be able to help you if their aware of what's going on and how you're feeling.you should be able to phone them up if you don't feel up to going out,or take a housemate that you're close to.I hope you're able to get some help again as I know what it's like,even though I've only had depression for a short amount of times time.keep in touch and stay with us,if you can xXx

  • julie81607
    julie81607 daychasingnight

    Posted

    some things in life you can do and control on your own ,this isnt one of them as we all need someone to talk to each day to understand how difficult life can be. Support is out there for you ,you just need to move forward and reach to someone like your gp. Dont be alone in this situation and as you already can see by speaking on this forum words are a great healer and there are others who are feeling the same and sharing this can ease your mind.
  • anne240
    anne240 daychasingnight

    Posted

    I am so very sorry that your life is so difficult at the moment, and so very sorry about your mum.  That is so very difficult for you to deal with. 

    I know what you mean about not being able to phone the doctors, because I have been like that.  Please ask a friend to accompany you to the doctor.  You will somehow find the courage if you have someone with you.  I know your mum is very ill, but is there another member of your family you can talk to about how you are feeling.

    Please don't do this alone, you need support.  Depression, I know is so difficult.  I have had it for a very, very long time.  You know you must do something about this.  Please, please don't do anything rash.  Fight like I do, I have been where you are now many times, but I have fought and fought. 

  • jo61533
    jo61533 daychasingnight

    Posted

    Hi honey

    please please tye and find a way to seek medical help again. Do you live in the UK because the Samaritans would help by ringing a doctor for you. Try to turn to one of your housemates, they probably know something is wrong and would jump at the chance to help you. If you need to private message me please do because we need do work out a way to get you to that doctor so everything can be ok again. I'm here to talk to day or night and I am worried about you so please let me know how you are.

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