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I've struggled with depression since well.. forever!
But I started to have a breakthrough last year. I started to feel so much better, so much happier. And I did something very silly... I moved and didn't register with a new doctor. I stopped taking my medication because I thought; I can do this on my own now.
I was so wrong. I was doing fine but the switch turned in my head and now it's worse than ever. I've had to drop out of college because it's gotten so bad that my anxiety means I can't leave the house. I haven't been outside for over two weeks now and although I've been really trying, I just can't do it. My mum also has stage 3 cancer which means I can't talk to her about this (I don't live at home, I'm 22), but I used to be able to talk to her about it. I can't sleep anymore, I've lost my appetite or I'm binging, I like sitting in the dark by myself, I pretend to be asleep if any of my housemates try to come and talk to me, I'm having suicidal thoughts...
I just feel like I'm welcoming a new friend back and I hate it. I want to change, I want to help myself - but I can't leave the house. I want to go to the doctors, make an appointment and beg for them to help me but I just can't do it. I'm struggling so much and I'm even starting to scare myself. I've had quite a few suicide attempts in the past and I can feel myself going back down that route even though that's not what I want to do...
I feel lost.
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