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The Camels Back

Posted , 4 users are following.

Misssy2
Misssy2

I feel like it is only going to take ONE MORE thing to push me over the edge and into a drink.

I hate the feeling...I have almost 2 months sober...and I am in constant panic over a life situation that I have no control over.

I hate not having control.  But, I have to remember..I also have LESS control when I'm drinking.

I am trying to get approved for my government disability and have been denied the first time....now it is in appeal.  I feel like a fraud in some ways because it was denied...like they don't believe me.

It took 7 months to get denied...the next step is appeal and that can take some time.  I have constant anxiety all day long. 

This process can take up to 3 years...I am almost 2 years into it...and the thought of a drink to escape and be numb is right on the tip of my mind right now.

But, I know drinking...will make me miss the important phone calls and appointments.....so it shouldn't even be an option!

I have to remember the utter black hole I was in when drinking and I need reassurance that drinking is not the answer.

 

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • Pongo22
    Pongo22 Misssy2

    Posted

    Well I don't know how much I can help but I remember in my early twenties when I was constantly stoned on weed and drank every night I could. I wasted the best years of my life by abusing a substanse that made my paranoid, see sawing with another that made me agressive and stupid. The only thing that really stopped that period in my life was going to prison and the legacy is still with me even in my mid forties. My ex was addicted to pain killers and lived in another city. I tried to convincer to go out and gain a life. I said "even a trip to the libary" means she's gone out and done something that day. Anything, anything to stop the cage feavor. You need a hobby, something to occupy your time and if you can, something to share with others, a club or something. Start painting or a musical instrument or sewing. Keep yourself bussy and the deamons can't get in.  
    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 Pongo22

      Posted

      Welcome Pongo22 to the brilliant message board with people who are like you: having overcome or trying to overcome an addiction. Are you now for some year keeping well and in good health? Just wondering. Me coming up to 3 yrs no drinking and not looking back
    • Pongo22
      Pongo22 Robin2015

      Posted

      Three weeks dry but I gave up everything else years back.
  • Richardt
    Richardt Misssy2

    Posted

    Hi keep resisting u have done well so far, are getting help with your appeal, how many points did u get, cheers keep intouch
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 Richardt

      Posted

      I have a lawyer for my appeal...thx for asking.

      But I had a lawyer to start with...its frustrating and I'm fearful all the time...I hate the feeling....but I can't drink.

      Going to a meeting tonight...My sponsor is dying of scleraderma...she was given months to live...she is celebrating 12 years...I wouldn't be able to celebrate if I were her...I would be smashed!

      So I have to be grateful I am not in her shoes..and keep my sobriety..which means..living a little longer.

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