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The closest person to me does not GET it

Posted , 10 users are following.

Misssy2
Misssy2

He tries...I'm sure similar posts have been posted like this.

But, I'm struggling today.

My b/f works...I don't, he just started...and now I have a whole bunch of "chores" at night to help him.  I WANT to do it but they exhaust me.

Lunches made, laundry, bed made, dinner made....dishes cleaned...

So today...I'm just flat out and I mistakenly took my medicine on an empty stomach and I feel high as a kite and worthless...as far as moving.....I have 2 beds to make...and apt. with psychaiatrist and I feel like he thinks I am doing nothing all day and that the little chores I am doing are nothing.

Well, they are alot to me...I am so burnt out..hips and legs ache as well as shoulder blades..and head is in a fog.

I just want to sleep right now and I can't.

1 like, 17 replies

17 Replies

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  • pollmadoll64
    pollmadoll64 Misssy2

    Posted

    Why don't you ask your boyfriend to look up what Fibromyalgia does to us then he might show a bit more compassion. I have to look after two young sons alone as I  am a single mother
  • trisha87499
    trisha87499 Misssy2

    Posted

    I just explain to my family when I'm having a day like that, and they just muck in, being honest and not guilty is your best option because it's not your fault that your poorly. And get your boyfriend to read up on it and he will understand, that's the way I did it, you can't carry guilt with you, it will make you anxious and therefore might make you feel worse. He will understand. Good luck
  • Magpie2me
    Magpie2me Misssy2

    Posted

    Hi Missy. Poor sweetie! First of all, you need to accept your own limitations. Don't fight against this because it is a chronic condition that you need to manage as best you can. You will have some pretty good days but you will have days where you feel like you have been hit by a truck. I agree with the ladies to print out some basic articles on FM and let your boyfriend read it. If he cares for you Missy, he will take it on board and be a little more understanding. But a fact that you need to get your head around my dear, is that men in general are not very compassionate when it comes to our needs. That myth is usually put forth only in some romantic movies. That is a written script and fictional, whereas the realities of life are quite different. So lower your expectations in that regard. However, the more you respect your limitations, the more others will as well. Pace yourself so that you don't over do things. Organise rest periods during the day. By what you do already girl, you are a very good housekeeper! He needs to learn to appreciate all that you do because imagine how he would feel if these tasks were never done! You deserve appreciation Missy. You sound like a sensitive and caring person. Build up your self worth and realise the fine person you and how He is blessed to have you in his life. Don't burn your energies out sweetie. Make yourself a schedule if necessary, to do certain tasks on each day. Space them out and learn to take care of yourself. Also, Do things you enjoy like maybe reading a good novel or watching an uplifting movie, taking a warm bath with Epsom salts. Things that nurture you. Be as kind to yourself as you are trying to be to your boyfriend. And Stand up for yourself sweetie. A bit of Self Love. You deserve it. xx
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 Magpie2me

      Posted

      I love this post...I am going to read and re-read...the problem too..is I am highly distractable....and have alot on my plate today...

      I am trying to make a schedule..the problem is...that other people are requesting things of me and messing me all up...causing extreme anxiety..and they are not asking for irrational things...I am the one who is irrational.....suffer from mental illness as well.

      I burn my energies out in the first hour of everyday..just being frustrated with my sleep problems and chronic pain in different areas some days..but always in shoulder blades...neck and hips.

       

    • Magpie2me
      Magpie2me Misssy2

      Posted

      Learn to say that important word Missy; NO. Respect yourself and eventually they will respect you. And the ones who don't, well girl, let them be upset and allow them to grow as people. Everyone is responsible for their own conduct and attitudes. Your first priority is to take care of your mental and physical health. Find some peace within yourself Missy. Stop worrying about things. It serves no purpose. Get a book about Worrying. I have read one that really helps us put our thoughts into perspective. Let go of things you have no control over. Like other people's behaviours and opinions. Have confidence in who you are as a person Missy. Build your self worth. You are just as worthy as anyone else in your life. Start listening to your own common sense and stop listening to all the other 'opinions'. You know yourself and how you feel. Stop doubting your own perceptions. Just work at it a little each day and you will get there. xx
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 Magpie2me

      Posted

      Are you a counselor?  YOU should be smile

      Thank you!

      I am currently in Outpatient Treatment for alcohol and depression...and IT IS HELPING ME SO MUCH....

      They are pretty much enforcing the things you say.

      My mother has always been really demanding and sulks when people don't respond.

      I had an awful day yesterday....had to go get results of my lung scan (which is still up in the air for a "nodule" that has been found")...but I am at peace with it..they are watching it and nothing I can do...BUT, it did stress me out quite a bit.

      She had a stressful day and she said to me while I was stuck in traffic..COME GET ME RIGHT NOW SO WE CAN TALK.  I was at my LIMIT of stress for the day.

      i said...NO...I can't Ma.  I have a ton of things to accomplish when I get home....needless to say....I called her...she was exploding about her issues....and then said "I am not talking about it anymore".  AND continued to talk about it.

      I stopped her and said MA...you said you weren't talking about it and you went on for 5 more minutes!  She said...youre right...I gotta go.....

      So then I sent her a text OFF-TOPIC about the show the Bachlorette....to lighten our moods...NO REPLY.....she is "p*ssed" that I said NO to picking her up...and now probably won't respond to me for days.  

      I'm learning...because after I said NO....I kinda felt proud and relieved....even thou I knew the ramifications were going to be like this!

      Thank you Magpie for the reinforcement...as I was dwelling on it a little this a.m.

      Woke up pretty much pain free today...because the weather is beautiful today...pretty much pain free does not mean pain free thou...lol

    • Magpie2me
      Magpie2me Misssy2

      Posted

      No I am not a councillor missy. Just lived a lot and gained a bit of insight. I can see that your mom has a real impact on your life. She has her own issues and sounds very needy. But you are not in a position to be her psychologist sweetie . There are professionals for that missy. Just let her know in a kind way that you cannot cope with her problems because you are struggling with your own. That she must rely on her own therapists. Good that you are learning to say no now. You have to get well yourself and you are fragile. So again, recognise and respect your limits. Don't exceed them. Glad you are getting some help. That is a real step forward in getting well. You are on the right track. Manage your stress and you will manage your pain, both physically and emotionally. One day at a time girl. You will get there! xx
  • EarthaKitt
    EarthaKitt Misssy2

    Posted

    I know how annoying this is. After a decade of being horribly Ill and undiagnosed until last November. Being told by my mother that "it's all in my head" and " in her generation they weren't allowed to be unwell" "get a job" "bone idle" "lazy" and my mum has been to the doctors and hospital appointments with me and spoken to the consultants herself a huge amount? My father still just won't acknowledge that I am ill. At all. 

    I don't have friends or a boyfriend for theses reasons.

    only people who have it understand.

    we are all here for back up.

    you aren't alone xx

    Its their problem not mine. Sometimes if someone says they have a headache you forget. It the old you look alright thing isn't it.

    I'm currently stuck in bed with chronic stabbing pains in my stomach and if I move slightly the wrong way my lower back feels like a nerve is pinched on either side. I feel like I want to throw up. I feel bruised all over my back neck and shoulders with horrible pains in my hands and feet. The list goes on as we all know. It's boiling but I have to have the electric blanket on my back and a wheat bag on my side to help with the pain. I've taken meds too.

    you just have to have a very well developed sense of humour. People almost get excited when you tell them there is no actual test for this disease and it doesn't actually damage any tissue. It's a fact you're a blagger a fibber, a malingerer and a hypochondriac. Doctors don't believe you. You couldn't make it up really. I think of it as a test of my mental strength. You feel like sh*t and everyone thinks you're lying. Sounds like a film. In a hundred years people will look back and think how barbaric the treatment we receive from not only the medical profession but our nearest and dearest  too. 

    Im still over the moon though that it's an invisible illness. I've got to say those poor sods covered in boils and horrific deformities etc. At least we can look normal. I'm gra

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 EarthaKitt

      Posted

      Thank you for making me feel better....I hope they come up with a blood test...so I can throw the results in everyones FACE...and I heard they are close to one...OR I read on line that they are.

      God bless you....hope for good days....and I'm grateful I look normal too smile

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 EarthaKitt

      Posted

      I was thinking and HOPING that it will be less than 100 years before they GET it and find out it is real....i'm owed many apologies...lol.

      Thank you for your comforting post.....

      I understand you don't feel well...and I know taking medication is something we REALLY DONT WANT TO DO...because it makes us more tired...causing more pain...more emotional anxiety...etc.

      I'm so fed up with people.....period.

      Thank you Kitt

  • christine26761
    christine26761 Misssy2

    Posted

    Poor you Missy, im really feeling for you..unfortunately this is quite a normal reaction from thise closest to you to not understand at all, fortunately ive had to live with it.. You need very supportive oeople around you...if we were wearing a leg or arm cast we would look like we were needy, most people have to take their health into their own iwn gands and start being a tad assertive..maybe get onto a reputable web site and print out some info for him/them, they will never really understand it unless they are educated on it, getting stressed out too is the worst thing you can do with fibro, it lives on it, makes our symptoms much worse, hope things get better for you Missy, be blessed..have a lovely day😚😚😍😘
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 christine26761

      Posted

      Christine..I feel they will never understand it...unless they HAVE it.

      My mother had it for years..and I MOCKED her all the time...told her to get up...called her a hypochondriac...she said I'm so glad you have it!  LOL.

      Thank you for your caring post

  • miss_naomi02913
    miss_naomi02913 Misssy2

    Posted

    First thing is it takes a long time for us fibromyalgia suffers to get our head round it the negative impact it has on your life is hard to deal with I too also have mental illness not the best for coping well fibro having regular check up with your doctor is a must you really need to learn to listen to your body because the more you force yourself to do things the more the fibro will fight back I did that at first for exactly the same reason to try to keep my partner happy he too didn't understand and made me feel lazy and I constantly felt guilty and anxious all that did was make my fibro even worse eventually I decided to separate from him and within a couple of weeks i felt so much better the pressure had gone and I soon started to see a improvement in my symptoms I'm not saying you should leave him but try to get him to understand by giving him some information to read up on take him to your doctor appointment because you really need to avoid stress and rest up until you feel a bit more able there's no time limit with fibro some have bad days some have bad weeks some bad months I know some people who are bed ridden for weeks at a time yet some continue to hold down a job it's mad how we all have the same illness but it's different for each one of us I hope you feel better soon x
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 miss_naomi02913

      Posted

      miss naomi...thank you for "identifying" with me....I know in some ways if I were alone .....some things may be easier...for me..but some may be harder.

      I am working on accepting myself...and the rest I am hoping will fall into place smile.

      Thanks so much...I was really frustrated when I posted my original post..and I will continue to have days like that and I am grateful for people like you being there when I do have days like that!

    • trisha87499
      trisha87499 miss_naomi02913

      Posted

      Well said, I'm lucky my family do understand when I say I'm having a bad day, they don't expect anything from me, that's mainly because I made them read up on Fabriomyalgia, I eventually accepted myself what was happening , it's not anyone's fault, however if your partner or family members make you feel responsible then it's WRONG! If they can't live with something that's been inflicted on us and is hard enough on us mentally and physically, then they shouldn't put you through more insecurities and put up or shut up. It sounds harsh but all of us with this horrible disease don't need any outside symptoms, we need to try and get on with life everyday in the best way we can. My thoughts are with you
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