The end for me

Posted , 7 users are following.

I'm posting here today as I'm guessing I kind of want to vent and also leave behind some sort of message. Today I plan on ending it all. I've split up with my boyfriend who i've been with for a year and who doesn't care about me any more. The depression has ruined everything. I have no where to live now as I gave up my house to move in with him. The NHS have let me down countless of times. Unless you have money to afford a private psychiatrist then you have to live in misery and be on long waiting lists by which time it is always too late. I'm going to travel a couple of hundred miles shortly to my final destination and I do feel bad for the people that have to deal with everything after i'm gone but at the end of the day no one has to live my life but me and there is only so many times I can go to the doctors and ask for help, only to be turned away with more drugs or the promise of an appointment with a psychiatrist.

I hope you all find your happy ending and that the medication and therapy helps you x

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    I feel like ending it so many times, Becca. But eventually, days come that I can enjoy, and I feel blessed I found the strength to carry on.

    Yes you might suffer for a long time. Yes it will be difficult. But there will always be days when you feel blessed.

    I'm happy to talk.

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  • Posted

    Hi Becca,

    The result of ending it all is permanent but the way you are feeling right now is NOT permanent. You can get past the way you are feeling right now. I don't know if you have ever had thoughts like this before but if you have then think back to how you got through it that time. Just take one minute at a time to put off your plans, talk to us on here, call a friend, make a cake. Talk to us smile

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  • Posted

    becca 15, Hope you get this. Hold on Becca, Come down to me and see if we can get you feeling stronger. OK I am much older than you but that doesnt matter. Please reply. I am serious in my offer to help.
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  • Posted

    I've arrived at the place I want to do it. There is no point thinking tomorrow is going to be any different, I have felt low and suicidal for months. I am homeless and have nothing to keep me going
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  • Posted

    DON'T DO WHATEVER YOU'RE THINKING OF DOING
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  • Posted

    Becca, I have sent you a private message, please listen to my advice and take some time to talk to someone about how you are feeling......

    This is the number for Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 (UK) or 1850 60 90 90 (ROI)

    Or if you would prefer to not have to talk you can email them jo@samaritans.org

    and they reply as soon as they can.

    Best to call they so you can talk to someone straight away.

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  • Posted

    Becca, please listen to my advice and give Samaritans a call

    08457 90 90 90 (UK)

    1850 60 90 90 (ROI)

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  • Posted

    Hello there Becca, I do hope you have halted any plans you may have made regarding your decision.

    Depression is a lifetime disease that, at times, can completely consume and overwhelm you, I know this and I know how it can feel to have these emotional roller coasters where it seems that no-one understands...

    Which is true, I cannot simply understand what you are going through (depression is unique to each person, although there are generic symptoms we all go through).

    The NHS system is flawed in its preparation for these kinds of illnesses, but this is largely due to the sheer volume of people who seek help from them... Whether warranted or not.

    It is clear you are not in a great place, and no amount of drugs will aid you in the long term (personally the short term use or prescribed drugs did no good for me) but there are ways to cope with how you are feeling!

    A few people I have read have suggested day by day/ minute by minute... Which is a great start.

    There are also (as mentioned by others) lines such as Samaritans which can be useful for the more intimate times.

    But the most effective method right now is for you to take a breath and realise 'you are not alone'. It is true that a positive mind will increase a more positive outlook. I'll be honest and tell you that it sucks to begin with, thinking positive takes a great amount of effort and you feel ridiculous in your efforts to consciously think of good things to think or say...

    Start simple:

    Say nice things out loud (maybe a compliment to a friend) and for every compliment you give, give one to yourself.

    Make a list of nice things about yourself and say them (in your head or out loud) EVERYDAY!! You may not feel like they are true or you have have made them up, thinking about someone else as you made the list... But over time they begin to sound better.. Until one day you realise that you genuinely believe what you are saying about yourself!

    THE FOLLOWING WILL AID CREATIVE THOUGHTS, and will also help release some feel good vibes!

    When in doubt, read something (fiction, education, interest, hobby) or do something creative... Just nothing magazine related or current affairs... I find Jane Austen a huge inspiration.

    As I have said, I really hope you get this, and if you have read this far then please go one step farther and try to implement at least one of the above methods into the time that follows.

    Best Wishes for you

    Dan

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  • Posted

    Becca i hope this message finds you still with us. I know life is very hard and ten times worse when you are suffering from depression I struggle every day, then what makes it worse is when I have to fave challenges.

    If you are on the verge of ending your life because you cannot find another way out. STOP!! You can walk into the accident and emergency department and tell the receptionist they will bring out a psychiatric nurse.

    If you are really bad they will keep you in. This will bump you straight up the therapy list.

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    Thank you to everyone who took the time and effort to reply. Obviously I am still here. Friday was such a bad day and I was so serious with my plans but then I guess when it comes to actually doing it, it's much more difficult than I thought.

    I really am struggling lately. I've not been well enough to work for months and I've lost my house and I am just so bored every day I struggle to see the point in me being in this world when I don't bring anything to it. When I become that low I am just impossible to talk any sense into and I really do only see the worst in everything and don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure a lot of you know how I feel, so thank you for posting messages for me x

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  • Posted

    Hi Becca, so glad to to hear from you smile. xx
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  • Posted

    Good to know you're still with us Becca. Keep your chin up!
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