the grim reaper !

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Oh dear the grim reaper has arrived again ..bless !

My partner is the aforementioned.

He tries so hard when I am unwell , is so flexible

With food , time , understanding ect

But when I'm well ish and feeling we could do something .

A short walk , a picnic , clean the bath , watch a movie , pretend karaoke , face paint ,

Cook something ,ect ect

I find myself constantly apologizing then I'm too worn out to carry out a plan ....plus as you know you can't plan too far ahead as you may be on a bad day .

So grim reaper kicks in ...are you sure you are up to this ?

Maybe think about it ?

What if ?

Blah de blah

So in the end we do nothing !

He wants to protect and I've used my energy not worrying him !!?

Anyone out there going through same thing ?

Grim reaper? Why ? Because he sits on a stool by my bed looking really sad and saying nothing ....perhaps remove stool !

Thanks for listening

1 like, 16 replies

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16 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Laura

    I too continually apologise to my wife who does everything around the house. On good days I try to help and other days I just watch. I just don't have the energy. I wish I could help her more, she is so understanding and there are dsys I feel sorry that I will have to leave her behind to the things we had planned to do together. But hey I am still alive!

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    • Posted

      What did you plan ?

      I imagined one of those fifties type motorhomrs , travel the coast and paint

      And you ?

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  • Posted

    Laura I often feel tired but I try very hard to get on with living. I'm on 3 litres of oxygen and find I run out of breath very quickly when walking. But I insist on getting out as often as I can. I plan carefully. I check public transport carefully to find the transport that will ensure I do as little walking as possible and then I visit art galleries cinemas cafes etc just to feel I'm still in the land of the . living. I'm not pretending it's easy but the satisfaction and pride I feel when I get home is worth all the effort and all the stops and sit downs I've taken to do it. I sleep better too. Try a little excursion the a local coffee shop or the like and see how you cope. I feel it's worth the effort. Let me know what you think.
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  • Posted

    hi,laura,

    i know what you mean when you say he is being too attentive to you.he means well but maybe he would benefit from a chat with one of the oxygen nurses so they can explain the benefits of positive thinking and the need to excercise.

    i have copd and last winter was housebound living in pyjamas for 5 months and getting really down about not being able to get out and about.as soon as the weather picked and my health improved slightly i have been getting out every day for a visit to the shops.i have to go in a wheelchair but i do manage to walk around the shops pushing my wheelchair sometimes.i feel so alive just being able to get out of the house for those couple of hours.i hope your partner will start to encourage you more to get around and keep active.

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    • Posted

      Hi Irene

      Can nearly beat you on the Jim jams not quite though !!!

      How bout the bath ? Me?7 months .miss those bubbles !

      Laura

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  • Posted

    Hi Laura know your limits and stop apologising!   I think the 2 of you need to have a chat about what you feel you can do and what you can't.   If you know your limits you can tell your hubbie and assure him that you will ask for help if you need it.

    Plan a little treat beforehand and when you feel up to it just go and do it with him.  Then plan the next outing.  Ok?  

     

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  • Posted

    Hi Laura you you need to get them thoughts out of your head i know this brings you down as it does to all of us but try enjoy the times you can get about & try to get out as much as you can good luck chin up 
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  • Posted

    Hi Laura,

    I too have the most wonderful man in my life. He dotes on me contantly and I feel guilty that i have somehow placed him in this postion.. I could not manage without him both physically or emotionally. I am presently undergoing tests for a lung transplant and would never make it through them all without his support. I too "plan" for more sharing but as you mentioned, cannot plan to far ahead even if it is the same day.

    So I try not to whine too much and worry about him constantly. I try to send him out to go golfing which is his passion since he retired early to care for me although he would never admit to that. We don't share the things we used to so due to the COPD but we when we have a laugh or "read each other's minds" it is so much more meaningful. I actually think we are closer now than before.

    Perhaps we are the lucky folk and should just love them for what they honestly do for us. No pretense, just love.

    There is no sense wasting time on the moniker Grim Reaper. We will all pay our dues some day but instead of worrying about it now, enjoy him to the best of your ability. We are lucky as I know of several couples who weren't able to endure the pressure of tending to a spouse or loved one. Be glad you have a true love.

    I spent a lot of time feeling antisocial and wanted to closet myself away. He told me that there is nothing that would embarass him about me despite the breathlessness and tubing. No one care make you feel inferior without your permission. Eleanor Roosevelt.  Smart woman................. Try to even get out for a drive going no where in particular.  I have trouble walking to far so exercise on the treadmill at home. When we do go out aside from Dr. appts. I feel relaxed and so rejuevenated when we return.

    I agree with the other postings of really talking to your support person. It is nothing to be embarrassed about and maybe pull that stool out just as he is sitting down. A good laugh is worth it for both of you and sometimes being breathless from laughing is so worth it.

    I wish you well and everyone has crappy days. Don't sweat the small stuff. Sometimes when we return from a drive, I will simply look at the dirty dishes and just complain that good help is hard to find.......................and no we don't have a cleaning person. He usually responds with " well I guess we have to fire her" AND THEN WE LAUGH SOME MORE.\

    KEEP LAUGHING, IT IS GOOD FOR THE LUNGS

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  • Posted

    Doing nothing leads to not being able to do anything.  Not a good route to take.

    Yep removing the stool may be the 1st step to doing something.

    A shame to waste what life we have left on doing nothing !!!

    ....  grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

    Have fun making changes and doing stuff smile

     

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    • Posted

      Thanks so much ...for your reply !made me smile which is just what I needed!

      Said stool has now been removed and replaced by apple box which is an art project ....uncomfortable to say the leastw but fun ! Sorry to all if I sound blaise .xx

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  • Posted

    hi laura,

    i have not bathed in about 2 yrs. or more.i have a wet room to get a shower.i can not get out of the bath once i sit down.it happened once and i have showered ever since.when i was living in my pyjamas i didnt have the energy to shower somedays,well a lot of the days so i just had a wash

    in the basin.

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  • Posted

    Hi Laura,

    i was the "career " for my husband for the last 15 months. I lost him suddenly and unexpectedly 3 months ago. We too, would plan things for when he was feeling stronger, often it didn't quite happen but we enjoyed the planning and the hope that it might. We found that often it was easier to bring the outside in ie a form of what we had planned to do outside but making the most indoors which called for less exertion on his part. I would say to you and everyone else on this forum, living through this illness with your loved one is not a chore, it is a privilege. One that if we had a choice would not have to happen but when faced with it, we adapt. Your bravery and perseverance in the face of everything that this illness throws at you all is remarkable. Just as someone else who replied to you stated, I believe that my husband and I became even closer during his illness. Don't waste time worrying about how you may or may not disappoint your partner. Make the most of the good times, laugh, laugh and laugh and just hold each other through the difficult times. I wish you happiness and many many good days. X

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    • Posted

      Thank you. So much for your kind words and I'm sorry for your loss .

      But I can read between the lines and they ooze with love , I will take them on board

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