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My situation is a bit more complex than the usual complaint about waining romance.
After 10 months together, my husband and I got married. We've been married for 3 months.
2 Weeks after we said I do, he was diagnosed with incuable cancer.
I went from being a new bride to a caregiver over night.
He is in the early stages. We are starting to get a handle on it and form a plan. We've been navigating the insurance maze and consumed with this new and scary situation.
We've both been on edge quite a bit.
To compound the situation, he has ADHD. And uses this as an excuse for bad behavior, lack of fucus and lashing out.
We are both driven by our emotions. I try not to take his lashing out personally but it IS taking a toll on me!
I feel like a punching bag! I feel unappreciated and saddened by the fact that the romance and happiness we shared while dating is practially gone.
I find myself walking on eggshells. Having to be sensative to his condition and temperment all the time.
I feel I am between a rock and a hard place. As the wife of man with cancer, I will ALWAYS be the bad guy and in the wrong if I stand up to his verbal abuse. Which I have and it has never ended well.
It has come to the point where I am not sure I even love him anymore.
Our last disagreement, 2 nights ago, ended with him calling me a bitch, telling me to kiss his ass and leaving.
He came back 2 hours later and would not talk to me.
I apologized for my part of the incident.
He did not apologize.
The next day the tension was still thick.
He seems to be moving past it now, but I can't!
The moment he walked out I switched off. Going into emotional self preservation mode, I guess.
He says he loves me, just like he always does. But I can't bring myself to say it back.
I've even found myself entertaining the idea that he won't be alive for many more years and I will be released from this no win situation.
This is AWEFUL! I know!
He is a good man! with a huge heart! I know he is scared and overwhelmed. And so am I.
I just feel heavy hearted and hopless.
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