the most terrible depression i have had

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HI I would like to know if someone has experienced tremendous, awful depression as i am living....terrible nightmares of my past life, of my fears , obssessions....i am a zombie, i cant concentrate, i cant go outside wandering with no strenght in my legs i just walk down my street, i feel lightheaded, everything is distorted, i cant speak to anyone, i am too tired i cant go buy food, i cant bathe, draw, read, just want to die each time i open my eyes, feel huge weakness , i just wake up, and sit looking nothing, just say yes or no, cant focus, cant go to a room and choose a clothe or i have to think really hard ho to brush my teethand so on, ic an go out in pyjamas i wont really be aware (i havent done it but...) i can speak to anyone in the street just want to shout i cant hold anymore....i have been to hospital, and have taken meds but big side effects,one year like this and everyday!!! i just cant do anything i mean anything...fear ,no issues, even if i try hard i cant hold it , please someone recovered while being like this, disconnected like big ptsd and depression., tired of even looking at something: too difficult.....one year , every day like this. my mother is doind everything i feel dead full of nightmares....thank you in advance , sorry for this sad post, a big depression must not last or at least i must have progress, small ones..but nothing...

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    Hello there. I have pretty much all the same feelings as you. Im not going to try and help you, as i dont even know how to help myself!! What i can do is share with you my messed up life, and we could compare notes. I am currenty seeking answers myself, and i do truely wish i could be like everyone else, and have the energy to live life. My heart bleeds for you. As it is currently for myself. I know its what everyone says.. And i have my own personal beliefs on this, but have you ever had therapy? Someone to talk to? Easier said than done. Im here if you just want to rant or whatever. Im doing it anyway lol xxxxxx
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    • Posted

      thank you for your response, i had therepy before at hospital but i did like the psy , i had appointments in the morning but it was awful as i kept crying and he was telling me: you want to end up in hospital for old people because you have a depression like the old people, he wanted to push me but it was too much....now i just have no energy at all to outside and have a therapy, i just go to the pschiatrist with taxi (i even not able to pay or look in my bag as it istoo much an effort!!!!!) yes i need to talk but for the moment i dont know, i have vestibular rehab also , three appointments a week is too much for me....can you imagine the mess....anyway thank you for your answer, it is a total mess.....it seems even if i talk the therapist wont be able to understand what i have being through and all the understanding of everything as much as i have...i dont know
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    • Posted

      Hi anne, u sound like i was 3 of the times ive had SEVERE depression which in my case was only treatable in hospital once i got to the stage you are at. No they aren't great places to be but the world outside u dont need to worry about & the horrible feelings soon go once you get therapy & the right meds to get u on the path to feeling better. Xxx sooo feel for u. Its hell on earth i know. Please seek help asap xxx thoughts are with u. Talk on here if it helps while you decide. But if suicidal hun. Dont wait... xxxx seek help. Were here for you xx

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    • Posted

      thank you amanda, i spent 8 months in a clinic for nothing, they tried different meds but felt sick, i tolerate small amounts of meds and it depends, I could not go the manual groups and therapy was a failure, I just stay in bed and go out a bit in the garden  , so I dont know really what is happening really....I mean know but my body cant just not function
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    • Posted

      Ohh no. So its a bit like a drug resistant depression maybe. Xx bless u. Im lay in bed still cant b bothered to get up. My daughters in france with school til mon so makes it worse as i aint gotta get up. Xx i made a flask of tea to bring up at 9 how bads tht xx
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    • Posted

      I think so many of us can relate to you , i must certainly can last few months an still do , my psychiatrist sent me a email yesterday reminding me of taking my tablets as they are helping me - i have been taking these antidepressants since 2015 an they are most certainly not helping me , like you i stay in bed as much as possible , had a bath yesterday , washed hair - felt good as hadn't done so since week before , i felt refreshed , house work - haven't hoovered since last Autumn , i wash up but only because i have a cat an need her to have clean dishes - i won't allow her to have dirty dishes however i feel , my parents have been doing my washing as i live in a flat an the laundrette near me closed a few years ago , so i always dress smartly when i have to go out - appointments . That person who told you would end up in hospital for old people because you have old people's depression is an absolute disgrace , we all suffer from depression in different ways , we are individual an for someone to say that is disgusting - if that person is a professional then he needs to get out of that job . You need to know there are some decent therapists , psychiarists , etc out there , my previous psychiatrist was an old man of old school an should had retired , i dreaded going to the Mental Health Centre to see him but late Summer 2015 he left to go to another MH Centre in the County - great relief as the new psychiatrist is younger , more laid back - the room is totally different , casual seats , etc , please take care an remember many of us can relate with you xx 

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    • Posted

      I was once told by a mental health care nurse when in a psychiatric unit on suicide watch when pregnant saying..... do u not wake up & look @ the trees and breathe in and thank god u are alive. There are terminally ill people across the way who would swap with u in a heartbeat!! I could of comitted a bloody crime that day. If only it was that easy. My being responsible for my baby growing inside me was the only reason i bothered to kp going. I couldnt believe it!! I was a rock ckick back in the day but to have someone mantra woodstock nature @ me at a tym like tht was just verging on ridiculous xxx

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    • Posted

      yes therapist stupid i told the team and everyone were against me, it was the omerta , we could say that a doctor or a nurse is not good for us....i was so shocked!!!! all the team were nasty at me because i just told the truth
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    • Posted

      thank you amanda, need a miracle ....one year bedridden and being lost in my own flat, unable to take something and clean or wash...i just sit and look at the stuff and dont understand what I have to do....is it possible to be like this, taking 5 min to find a fork, for example.....can we recover? seems someone knocked me on the head
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    • Posted

      I change meds every two months as i feel bad on them, at the clinic I have begged to change several times, the doc were exhausted...i have tried moclamine, effexor, lamictal ,zoloft anafranil.,......i saw the psychiatrist in town which worked at the clinic and follows me, he is well known, and he told me we wotn change again so i went to see another psychiatrist, telling him the prozac i have at 10mg was making me extremely nervous, so we try cymbalta since one month and i am incredibly tired, so i told him and he just did not say anything and i ask him to try something else, he told me trying celexa again...so i have another psychiatrist doing what i want in a way, i mean by changing meds, so i am lost because i dont now what to do now, cymbalta makes me tired but i am afraid to change again and it is me who asked for another med!!! the nurse came at my flat and he told me it is nonsense a doctor listening and changing meds because i wanted to....so i dont know what to do....i lost confidence in every doc , meds.....i dont know if i have to change.....afraid also because the cymbalta is hard to stop so i regret to have asked it one month ago, i was so unwell with the prozac....but now i dont know what to do
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