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The other side

Posted , 3 users are following.

Toffeeboy0
Toffeeboy0

Hi all

I hope that you can help. I have read most of the experiences that have been posted on here but just wanted to explain my situation to see if you had any suggestions.

I married my wife in June 2011 after dating and living together for a couple of years. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone before hence why I proposed but unfortuantely she has a history of depression but the worst was a few years before we met. I am very fortunate in that I haven't had anyone in my family suffer from depression so I am learning to deal with it but my wife doesn't want to open up to me.

I guess that is why I have come on here to post and see if I can learn how other people have felt that it might help me to understand. I know that she will talk to me when she is ready but she isn't the kind of person that doesn't offer anything about herself even to me. She expects me to ask the questions and gets annoyed when I don't know what question she wants me to ask.

She started on Citalpram in November and in March her dose was upped to 40mg from the 20 that she had been on and since then she has been very distant from me. She doesn't like to be touched or share in any kind of affection. We went on our honeymoon to Italy and she wouldn't even hold my hand as we walked around. I have been told that some drugs have this kind of side effect and I was wondering if anyone had felt like this whilst on Citalopram.

Since the honeymoon things have only got worse as she is working 6 days a week and wants to go and see friends on the Sunday. She takes any excuse to go out without me and it never seems to bother her that we don't spend anytime together. I have mentioned this to her and she accuses me of being insecure and to get a life. My health and sleep patterns are starting to suffer from worrying about her and our relationship/marriage. As I have said I love her more than anything and I am prepared to do anyhting to help her but I am on the verge of making myself ill trying to keep her happy.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • Zoogz
    Zoogz

    Posted

    Toffeeboy. I can try to get you a Citalopram user persepctive if that helps. I have recently come off of Citalopram, all I can say from a users perspective is that Cit really can dowse your emotions, particularly sexual thoughts. My girlfriend has been very patient with me, over & above what I deserved. And here's the thing, at the start of my medication she wanted (naturally) to help & to understand & be there for me. But when the meds dampen your emotions you can sometimes feel even worse when you blank the people you love. I felt like crap for ignoring my partner when I was down.

    In a nutshell, I'd recommend patience; let her know you're there for her, but not to fuss at all. I'm sure she knows you love her, and will, I am sure, appreciate you even more for it when she comes off the medication.

  • Toffeeboy0
    Toffeeboy0

    Posted

    Thanks Zoogz

    I have been showing her support but infortuantely until Monday of this week I wasn't in a very good place myself and so needed a bit of affection from her which she wouldn't give me. This just made me feel worse so I suppose we were bouncing from eaech other. I wanted her to show me some affection which she wouldn't so I tried harder and this pushed her further away.

    Things are still not right between us but I have got myself into a hapiier state of mind and one in which I can try and not be affected so much by her shunning me all the time. What hurts the most is that she seems to be turning to her friends all the time but never to me.

    Like you say hopefully things will improve when she feels ready to come off the citalopram but until then I will support her and wait for the good times to return.

    Thank you for replying as it has helped put my mind at ease.

  • Zoogz
    Zoogz

    Posted

    Toffeeboy. No worries. These things take time, but hopefully it will sort itself out. Feel free to maintain contact if you like.
  • Toffeeboy0
    Toffeeboy0

    Posted

    Thanks it has definitely helped to hear other people's experience. We are getting on better with less disagreements although my wife still makes a lot of excuses to do things without me which hurts. I had started a word document on the computer writing down my feelings as I didn't want to burden her, which she read the other day which prompted a big discussion on how we were getting. This helped to clear the air a lot so hopefully we can move on from there.

    The biggest problem at the moment is as I say she seems to want to spend as much time away from me as possible and when I ask her to spend some time with me she accuses me of trying to control her and being obsessed with her. I want to help her and understand what is going on but her answer is always that I don't understand so she won't talk to me.

  • TsukiUsagi
    TsukiUsagi

    Posted

    I suffered with depression and anxiety for two years before finally owning up to having a problem and seeing the doctor. I also suffered with the low limbido and my partner has stuck with me through a very difficult two years.

    In my opionion she should be doing everything to help you out with your illness rather than just blocking it all out.

    Maybe try to get some counselling so she can get her head around the issues you both are dealing with?

    Hope all gets better soon x

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