There is hope! I'm 7 weeks into treatment and I wanted to share some good news.

I've had anxiety since I was 17. I'm mid 30's now. I've just dealt with it over the years and thought it was something I'd have to live with.

I lost my Dad January 2017 to Cancer (56 y/o), and then 12 months later lost my stepdad on January 2018 (46 y/o). I was close to both and I seen both as male role models in my life. My stepdad was around for over 20 years of my life.

Everyone praised me on how I dealt with the deaths and how proud they were that I was dealing with it so well. But in reality I wasn't dealing with it. I was ignoring it. I was drinking daily.

It destroyed me. I was constantly angry and agitated. If you said the wrong word to me I would snap. I would get into vicious verbal arguments with my wife and we'd end up throwing phones up walls and what not. It was horrible and I am surprised the relationship withstood it.

I became housebound. I still am, but I'm waiting for therapy to start to deal with that. It got to a point where I wanted to die.

7 weeks ago I quit drinking. It was my final attempt at quitting and I had to do it because the alcohol was taking its toll on my health. I could feel it and I started to develop pitting edema.

My sleep had been terrible for months. I would sleep at 3am and then wake up every single morning at 6am to use the toilet. My poops were like clockwork. I had no idea what it was. I read it was a classic symptom of depression to wake up early but I didn't feel I had depression.

When I quit alcohol the depression and the rage was so bad. I got annoyed that my wife didn't agree that our son was in the wrong and I went into a manic rage. I picked up scissors and started slashed gashes in my wrist and punching myself. I looked like I'd been beaten up.

My wife left. At this point I was suicidal. I broke down in tears alone and I had 2 options. To hang myself, or to call 111. I thought about my mom and the people she has lost recently. I thought about her and decided I can not put her through more pain.

And that was the start of getting the help I desperately needed. The lady on the phone was amazing. She calmed me down. She made me see things rationally. 10/10 for the service. I was in tears on the phone to her and she was so sympathetic and helpful.

Following day I was in the docs. I was put on 100mg sertraline and put forward for therapy (which I'm waiting for). I'm now on 150mg.

This is the first time in my life I've realised how depressed I was. I thought I was normal! I thought everyone else had the problem. I didn't feel like I was depressed.

It's been 7 weeks and I'm starting to feel the benefits. Almost immediately my rage went when I started the tablets. I think it's because the side effects kicked my backside! I was wiped out for 2 weeks. Rarely even moved to go to the toilet.

I lost my appetite. I lost weight. I was so tired most of the time. There were days when I ate nothing at all. Turned me into a zombie almost initially.

After 4 weeks I was ready to quit them. I had the odd good day but it was mostly bad days in terms of side effects. At 5 weeks my appetite was slowly returning. I started feeling hungry. 

I'm just over 6 weeks in now. I am having more good days than bad days. I get about 4 good days a week when I feel great! But then 3 days where I feel meh.

My sleep is getting better. I no longer wake early and I can get some decent uninterrupted sleep.

I'm no longer angry. I haven't argued with my wife since! My son is much happier because the house is chilled and relaxed. Even the cat started coming to me! I think animals can sense when people are not feeling positive because he wouldn't come to me before.

I'm not completely cured I have the health anxiety and acrophobia to sort out, but I am feeling so much better. I never want to end up in that mess that I was in.

For years I've struggled to cope with anxiety, and the increasing depression. I thought there was no help me. I thought I was the exception to the rule and would forever be stuck in an an anxious state. The anxiety caused some pretty sever ectopic heartbeats that had me in A&E lots of times thinking I was dying. Since the depression and anxiety is under control I rarely get them!

I just wanted to post this and share my story that there is hope.

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