Think I'm depressed but feel selfish, don't want to be judged etc.

Posted , 3 users are following.

First of all, I'm really struggling what to write. I keep writing things, then deleting it. 

People always say to me I never smile and I always moan and similar things. I've kept the way I've properly felt to myself, until now. What's finally pushed me further is, I decided to start writing stuff on my phone to vent my feelings and that, and it ended up being over 2500 words long during which I broke down into full on crying, which is a first time for years. I've done this before, but never this long and only got a bit teary. I'm thinking going to my GP, because I can now say that the dentist mentioned depression could be a cause for my jaw discomfort, where as before I would have felt stupid to just say "I think I'm depressed" (I know stupid isn't the right word but yeah). But I still feel really selfish because I know there are people much worse off than me. And also, I feel like, now my exams are pretty much over (final one in a few hours, which I've hardly prepared for at all), that I'm just looking for a way out, when the reality is I've felt like this for quite a while now.

Another thing I feel like I should meantion is, a few years ago I had a bad break up which led to me doing something very stupid, that I regret massively. I had counselling for a while, but was never diagnosed with anything and that was that. And, reading it's genetic, one of my grandparents is/was depressed.

Also, I feel like people are going to judge me if it does turn out I am depressed, or something similar.

I've tried to keep it breif, but was wondering if anyone had anything to say to any of that? I know some stuff there is cliche from what I've read on other forums and things, but that's how I feel.

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    I feel like I've missed out some important factors. I've had sleep trouble for the last few years, stuggle to sleep/struggle to get out of bed (recently sleep paralysis too, horrrible!), I have NO motivation, always feel tired, I always feel like if I've got something to do then it will just never come? I'm so indecisive now, I rarely feel much emotion, everything is I don't know or I don't mind... the list goes on.
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    • Posted

      Hi

      I have suffered depression for years alone and finally went to the doctors  last November. Opening up in itself is a relief. I have attended counselling alongside medication which has been great, it's surprising what you will open up and say in a safe environment. Although the medication isn't a magic wand making everything better it makes it more bearable. 

      I did open up to my family, my parents brought us up as you don't share that sort of thing but unless you are honest people won't understand why you might find it difficult to do things. I tend to avoid talking on the phone, going out ect. 

      As for memory and sleep it all goes with it. 

      I have realized the people that care and love you will support you 

      Please phone your doctor 

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    • Posted

      Well Annika, the problem with counselling and opening up/reconciling with your problem is that it doesn't even tug at the roots of depression. You stay pretty much where you are. It is the grief that has gone inside and it stays there, counselling doesn't take it out. I could give you pointers about a clinic but the moderator doesn't allow references. In a nutshell, counselling is not the solution, you need to visit a competent healthcare professional.
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  • Posted

    These problems do not go away by counselling. You need to see a medical practitioner in your area.
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    • Posted

      In my reply I did say go to doctors. I wasn't aware this was a forum to slate people for their views especially when most of us are in the same boat. 

      Thankyou for highlighting why I have avoided these sites before 

      To highlight my point, don't suffer in silence, see your GP and counselling has its place 

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