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Think I've just given up....

Posted , 5 users are following.

Dannie1989
Dannie1989

I had my first CBT appointment today and really talking about my Thanatophobia has made reality all too clear and prominent.

I honestly feel like I've just died on the inside, like I've just given up. There's nothing there, I don't know how to feel or what to do. I can't stop my fate and I can't deal or cope with it either.

What the hell am I supposed to do now!!! My head can not work around this, it's trying but can't. I can't imagine being deaf or that it's coming.

1 like, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • mike09523
    mike09523 Dannie1989

    Posted

    Hi Dannie,

    Firstly, I have not heard of your phobia so please enlighten me.

    Second, I had 19 sessions of cbt, I had anxiety,ptsd, depression and mood swings. At the time the councillor said we could only cover one symptom, and I would be limited to 10 sessions. I chose my mood swings because I knew how close I had come to losing it. Well, session after session with and how did that make you feel, finally running out of time and not solving my other mental problems I felt let down.

    I hope cbt does work for you but you have to be openly honest and trustful of your councillor for it to make any headway.

    Best wishes,

    Mike.

    • Dannie1989
      Dannie1989 mike09523

      Posted

      Hi Mike, Thanatophobia is a fear of your own eventual death.

      Very hard to deal with and worse to talk about.

      I've had none stop anxiety since my first CBT appointment, panic attacks, pulling my own bloody hair out.

      Depression hitting hard, taken some diazepam, really want to go hospital but I'm holding off.

      I'm absolutely in pieces....

  • mike09523
    mike09523 Dannie1989

    Posted

    Hi Daniel,

    Okay, now I realise what your facing up to.

    The trouble with cbt is that it makes you feel worse for the first few sessions. This is because you have to rerun the things that haunt you. You are disclosing your inner secrets and fears to a complete stranger who's constant mantra is "How did that make you feel". Personally, bloody terrible. I was telling this young woman things I had not even told my wife of many years. Constant physical and mental abuse by my parents for my entire childhood, sexual abuse by a male cousin, several near death experiences. I would get home after a session feeling complete exhaustion.

    I hope you get the help you so obviously need,

    Best wishes,

    Mike.

    • Dannie1989
      Dannie1989 mike09523

      Posted

      What am I going to do though mike? Every time I have bad episodes like this I become suicidal, can't eat, can't sleep, my world literally turns upside down.

      I don't know what else to do! I miss work because I can't control my panic attacks or anxiety.

      I can't handle the thoughts going on in my own head!

      I can't cope!

  • mike09523
    mike09523 Dannie1989

    Posted

    Hi Dannie,

    Your in a bad place in your life now, but this can change for the better. I know that taking prescription drugs for the rest of your life is not what you want to do, and I agree with you. Your mind at the moment cannot cope, this is probably a chemical inbalance in the brain.

    Yes, taking these drugs do push you into a corner, making you feel trapped and dependent, what is the alternative, suicide, the end of your life???

    Please go back to your gp, take your tablet/phone, show them what you have shown to us, fight for your life.

    Accept what help is offered, you will not be on meds for ever.

    Hang on in there,

    Mike.

    • Dannie1989
      Dannie1989 mike09523

      Posted

      I'm really trying mike, thanks for chatting to me.

      I can't sleep atm. Thoughts about death are spinning round in my head Every time I close my eyes.

      Just feel like it's never going to end, I know it will but I'm getting a bit impatient

  • mike09523
    mike09523 Dannie1989

    Posted

    Hi Dannie,

    You need to try and focus on other things, what did you enjoy doing before all this, are you living alone if so try to get out, can you share your doubts with any family or friends.

    Mike.

    • Dannie1989
      Dannie1989 mike09523

      Posted

      Hi Mike,

      To be honest I probably over share a lot with my family and friends but I still hold back on a lot of stuff for some reason.

      I enjoyed everything before This!! Your normal average 20 something girl, liked to go out, dance, have a drink, go places, do stuff with friends. It's all stopped, all of it because of my mental illnesses.

      Sometimes I honestly feel I'd be better off in a hospital, no hassle to anyone and all the help I could possibly need!

      Is that crazy??

      D x

  • sarah14014
    sarah14014 Dannie1989

    Posted

    my first CBT appointment was hell, talking about my fears out loud isnt that easy ,but with time things will get eaiser , maybe your therapist isnt good? or CBT is not good for you, try other methods. i really hope you feel better soon xx
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