Third time on Fluoxetine and I can’t wake up from this nightmare

I was prescribed Lexapro back in November 2015 when I had a mental breakdown caused by a very stressful life event. I had always suffered from GAD, OCD, and mild depression, but never felt the need to get them treated. Lexapro didn't work for me. I was switched to generic Prozac 40mg after about 6 weeks of no improvement on the Lexapro. I can't remember how long it took me to get back to "normal", but I think it was about a month after starting the Fluoxetine. I took Ativan during that period to help me sleep and calm me down whenever the Fluoxetine increased my anxiety. My pdoc added Wellbutrin 100mg as well at some point to help "boost" my improvement. During this entire ordeal, despite how horrible I felt, I kept going to work and I kept pushing forward. Didn't think twice about it. About a year later, I got off all my medication because I was feeling MUCH better.

Fast forward to 2018, I had a relapse of severe anxiety/OCD. No specific trigger that time. I just started to feel ill. Went through everything again except I was started on both the Fluoxetine and the Wellbutrin (same doses) right away and I got better again in about a month's time. I had side effects but nothing unbearable. Once again, I worked the entire time I was starting on the medication. This time around, I stayed on my meds for almost two years until I decided to quit cold turkey last summer because I wanted to get pregnant.

I regret my decision to quit. I clearly need to stay on some meds because I had yet another mental breakdown a little over a month ago. And... plot twist: I ended up getting pregnant a couple of weeks before it happened. Three weeks ago, my pdoc started me on Fluoxetine 40mg for the third time, telling me that he thinks the benefits of the medication outweigh the risks to the pregnancy. I'm not thrilled but I've come to accept that I need the medication because I do need to get better.

I don't know what exactly it's been (maybe it's the fact that I can't take Ativan this time around because of the pregnancy or the fact that I haven't gotten the Wellbutrin added), but I've just gone through the most horrible three weeks of my life. Starting back on Fluoxetine this third time, I've gotten every possible side effect from the medication. For the first two weeks, I had insomnia, brain fog, weakness, lack of motivation, inability to focus. I was scared to leave my house. As soon as many of those symptoms started to ease up and I started to feel energized and wanting to get myself moving, my anxiety decided to go through the roof. Over the past week (third week on Flu), I've spend the majority of my waking hours feeling anxious and uncomfortable in my own skin... just laying on the couch on the verge of having a panic attack. Every minute feels like it lasts an hour. My mom had to move in with me and my husband... and she has had to literally prepare all of my meals and make me take my medication. Nothing that I try to do to distract myself during the day helps. I decided to sign off of work indefinitely because I haven't been able to cope. I've had windows of time some afternoons when I've kind of felt "normal", but they don't last long. I keep having anxious thoughts like "what if the medication takes longer to work or what if it doesn't work this time around?", "what if I can't go back to work?", "what if I've officially gone crazy this time?"... etc. I have a super supportive family and they've been trying to keep me going, but I know I must be driving them crazy every day with my constant complaining and lashing out because I'm so anxious. I'm just in so much pain. I know that having patience is key with Fluoxetine... and that I've come so far so I shouldn't give up on the medication just yet. Some days, I just feel hopeless. Any advise on how to keep myself calm and motivated while I wait? I just need reassurance.

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