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Have you ever felt the feeling of emptiness? Or you just want to end of your but don't even have the courage to do it? i've been depressed for 2 years now, completely broken by myself and because a lot of unfortunate events happened to me. i changed my major and transfered university because busines wasn't for me plus i have no friends back then. i thought new program and new school and new people would help me.. but it didn't. it only made it worse. i told someone about this, even let him read my journal but just like everyone else. that person didn't care. i am afraid to tell my parents about it, it might bring a fight between and start the blame game. i am afraid to tell my parents i want to change major again and transfer to another school because college is where you will find the right major for you, even if the first one and the second one sucks. you have to keep looking for it. the problem is i'm 21 and no job. my dad pays my college and i feel bad for it. i'm performing good in my current university but the thing is i'm not happy and i feel hopeless for my future. i'm depress, especially when i'm alone i started to thiink about these suicide thoughts for 2 years now. i randomly cry when i go home from school and quickly wipe my tears. if i get depress, self hurting helps me sometimes by digging my nails to my skin so deep and scratch it down.. i've never told anyone about this except my little brother. i'm helping him to get through with his life and not end up like me.. i just want this to end. for god sake please end it. i'm tired of living and existing.

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  • Posted

    Your post has brought me to tears...not just for what you are struggling with everyday but also because I  am the same.  I know how overwhelmed you are and I understand why you are hurting yourself, I have done the same thing.  You have taken the first step by posting here.  I am new to this site also and I need you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  Please go and seek out help from your doctor right away.  I waited and it nearly destroyed me.  As soon as I was put on medication I improved greatly.  My thoughts are no longer scattered in my brain and I am able to function like a normal human being.  Take care of your mental health first and school and everything else will become focused and more manageable.  Be honest with the doctor, tell him/her everything you are going through.  If you are comfortable telling your parents please tell them what you are going through...chances are they already know but just don't know how to help or support you.  You are on the edge and you need help to get back.  Please go to your doctor, medications can help you greatly and make you feel well again.  I am feeling much better on medication, and believe me what you have just described is exactly how I used to feel!  Please know you are not alone....I am here, message me if you like just to talk things over, it is always helpful to tell someone who understand what you are going through! Please take care and have will get better!  Julie smile
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  • Posted

    Hi you are going through a bad time at the moment and I do feel for you.  

    I will start off with a bit of a reality check.  What I will say is that strangers and acquaintances won't care about you - why should they?   So please don't share your journal and innermost thoughts with anyone less than a trusted friend/family member.  .Being too needy and trusting isn't the way to make friends - it just scares people off.  

    If you are doing well at your current college it is pointless transfering to a new one as you can't run away from yourself.    You have got yourself in this vicious circle of depression,  needing help,  but putting others off because of this, and ending up even unhappier.  You need to start breaing this and the way to do this is to seek counselling.  There must be a school counsellor - can you have a word with them?

    If not get yourself down to your doctors as meds and/or counselling should be able to help you.  I know everything seems hopeless at the moment but it's really not as this is the depression talking and you can't trust depression thoughts.  

    I hope this helps a bit.  x


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    • Posted

       I know how overwhelmed you are and I understand why you are hurting yourself, I have done the same thing.  You have taken the first step by posting here.  I am new to this site also and I need you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  Please go and seek out help from your doctor right 
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  • Posted


    ​your story was so sad and i really feel for you, i agree with others meds are a way to go forward , also why not show your parents what you have put on here, it's nothing to be ashamed of and they then will help you with your journey to get better,  you will get better but you need help and need it now, talk to your parents and let them read this i am sure everything will work out for you, there is so much help on here and away from here.take care

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  • Posted


    Hold on! Depression feels horrible but I need you to know that there are definite, easy steps that you can take so that you can start feeling better THIS WEEK! I understand a lot of how you describe feeling--sounds like there is some low energy, guilt and shame, lonliness, and generaky feeling lost. I have experienced all of those, and can tell you that there is a way out of where you are to a much happier life--I promise!

    First, I want you to put all of the emotions you have or judgments about yourself and life and family to the side, and I want you to recognize that your body is a pretty complex machine. Some people, like myself, are incredibly sensitive to stimuli and anything I do or don't do to my body. As a result, I have to treat my body fairly well. When I experience depression and social isolation, I realize that its time to do a body tune-up physically first to help me be better positioned to tackle the emotional and life direction stuff.

    Did you know that people who begin a cardio exercise program daily for six weeks have similar increases in serotonin than those who take an SSRI antidpressant? Exercise is my first tool for feeling better. You might feel pretty "blah," but consider even 10-20 minutes of brisk walking a day and work up to 45 minutes. If you can pop in a walking ro low-impact aerobics video, that works, too. Give it at least a week of daily walks or workouts, but I guarantee you'll feel a little bit of lift from that. Over time you'll find your magic length of time for working out to get a brain boost of feel-good chemicals: mine is between 45 minutes and just over an hour, but I worked up to it starting with 16-20 minutes exercise videos.

    Stretching and something called "progressive relaxation" also helps if you've got anxiety and worries about everything. You basically sit or lie down and then tense up one group of muscles in your body at a time very tightly and hold for a about 8-10 seconds and then release. This trains your brain to be able to relax when you need to.

    I also like the 8-8-8 breath: Inhale slowly for eight counts, hold for eight counts, exhale slowly for eight counts. Repeat 4-8 times, depending on your stress level.

    Finally, watch what you eat and try to modify where you can. Studies show and my own experience validates that a mostly plant-based diet (fruit, veggies, buts, and seeds most of the time, with a little bit of animal protein and dairy--for me about once weekly for that) increases serotonin. Green tea has also given me a mood lift in moderation--too much can make you jittery.

    Once your body is feeling better, trust me--it will be easier to assess what's happening in your life. I know it's difficult to feel alone or different right now, but if you can try a little bit (or a lot, depending on your mood) to get moving more with regular exercise, you will also eat and sleep better, and this will make you more confident with others. Being more confident will help you create social situations and make casual friends who can become close friends over time.

    One person who I admire a lot and would have never guessed that she suffered from depression or social anxiety at all confided in me after a while of knowing her that she secretly goes through it still from time to time, despite being very social. I asked her how she does so well, and she replied that if you take care of yourself and have just enough confidence, like a kernal really, that in some situations you can "fake it" as if you have no problems at all; that you are a healthy, well-adjusted, fearless, confident person who people like to be around and who likes people. So when she gets scared or feels like retreating into isolation, she remembers to tel herself to "act as if," and more often than not, it "keeps her in the game" and leads to a lot of happiness. I have personally applied this in my own life, and I have been told by other women that they look up to me and wish they could be so confident (ha ha HA! If they only knew... lol)

    Hope this helps! Hang in there, and please consider exercising today. It's truly amazing how much it helps over the course of a couple of weeks if you just stick with it. You may even feel results before then.

    Please keep me posted on how you're doing.

    Take care--


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  • Posted

    thank you all for the replies.. I took your words and lately i kept telling myself that depression shouldn't get the best of me. Sometimes it works. I'm afraid to go to the doctor because they might contact my parents about it. Whenever I talk to my parents about people and me with the word "depression", they don't talk it seriously because they are both workaholic and my dad laugh it off. ofcourse, i also laugh but it hurts. knowing he didn't took it seriously. Exercise did help a little by walking around my neighborhood in a same route back and forth with my dog... its a progress but everyday is a struggle.
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