This is going to end badly

Posted , 9 users are following.

So, after having our resident stalkers arrested and charged, things calmed down. I was finishing off the second lot of 160 xanax and Jim gradually slowed down his drinking.

Until today, that is.

He had one can of lager by 3 p.m. then said he was going for a walk.

My heart sank. We both know the script so well.

Three hours later he returned, drunk, carrying more cans, and telling me it was my fault.

Was it?

I don't think it was, honestly.

So now he's disappeared again into the night, I'm ordering more and more benzos online and am going out to buy some cigarettes.

IS it my fault?

Please explain, friends. I need to be told what to do, by you.

Thanks.

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19 Replies

  • Posted

    Sounds like you need to separate yourself from Jim. He doesn't sound healthy for you from the stories I have read. Sounds like a spiral that keeps going down down down, I'm sorry sad

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    • Posted

      I think I'll be able to do my tapering once he's dead, and I'd like to be with him till the end.

      I am not abandoning my husband, because he is dying and I am not.

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  • Posted

    Tess, I think this is just what Jim does from time to time. I know you get stressed about it, but you know he's going to do it, so no use in hurting your own health over it. You have a right to say what's going on in your own house and if Jim didn't want to align with that, then he's got to handle it the way he's got to handle it. 

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  • Posted

    Jim will do what Jim is going to do. He is on a journey, he knows where it is going and he has accepted that he can't get off.

    BTW, Xanax has a short half life compared to other benzos. This can cause severe withdrawal symptoms and lead to addiction much worse than other benzos. You should switch a longer half life benzo like diaz.

    Xanax is the crack cocaine of benzos.

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    • Posted

      Hi to Ade and RHGB

      I was so relieved when I saw you had both answered.

      Thank you.

      I'm trying so hard to do things right, as it were. Maybe there isn't a 'right'.

      Ten minutes after I posted the discussion, I got a text from Jim saying "Goodnight. I love you."

      I could scream.

      (Thanks re - xanax, RH. I am still on the diazepam. Just bought xanax to see to see what it was like - turns out it tastes disgusting and has no noticeable effect on me - won't be taking THAT again, don't worry...)

      I am sick of being blamed - not by you, either of you. You know I mean Jim.

      In fact I'm sick of everything at the moment. I hate alcohol.

      I HATE IT   I HATE IT   I HATE IT

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    • Posted

      Just for a bit of perspective and compassion for Jim, one TSM'er noted that the old AA guys referred to taking benzos as "chewing your booze", probably in a reference to the GABAergic effects that both booze and benzos have. 

      Also, notice reactivation of the conscious handoff of stress to the unconscious "addictive" programming that strongly tends to solve the problem with benzos. 

      Now, what I wonder is if hormonal ratios have an impact on the trigger level for stress and so your tendency to hand the problem over to an unconscious part of your brain, the Striatum (where some addictions live)? 

      In any case, compassion seems to have produced the best results so far, nez paw? 

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  • Posted

    Tess am thinking of you. Can't offer much help only that Jim will continue to do what he wants and when he wants. You are not to blame and Jim will agree with that xx

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