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This is how my anxiety works.. you could relate.

Posted , 5 users are following.

emma39062
emma39062

Hey um.. i wrote here many times because of my anxiety.. well.. it is really embarassing for me to admit to all of this since I admit - im weak.. crazy weak. 

You know.. been 5 times to ER in last 3 months.. been a total wreck.. I always feel something hurts. My stomach, my heart is pounding, my head is spinning, i feel like im going to vomit, i feel like im going to faint, calling my family in subway that im going to faint to come and save me, alerting everybody, racing thoughts..

My thought process is following :

"is it stroke? My head hurts nonstop for 7 days.. OH MY GOD I EVEN HAVE A FEVER, my heart is pounding so hard, is it connected? Could it be a heart attack? I better check that on google.. OH YES IT IS... i dont want to die i want to be a lawyer and I want to see kittens and I want to take care of my parents when they will get old i will totally ruin them, would my parents kill themselves if I died? The heart pounding must be because my body is shutting down and is so weak and tired and since my stomach hurts nonstop which probably means i have cancer which have spread to the lungs thats why im coughing and to my head, thats why im dizzy, that totally clicks, that is what is happening oh my god im dying im 18 and im going to die, its coming right now I can feel im going to faint and never wake up again, i have to tell my parents im sick we HAVE TO GO TO THE ER, even though doctors dont know s**t, they just measure my pulse and pressure and say im okay they dont even care im so irrelevant.." etc etc..

 that is EXACTLY what i am thinking all the time. and much more. Nonstop for a year now. I cannot study. I cannot go forward with my life. I cannot go out with my friends. I am mad. 

I have been prescribed with antidepressants which i cannot take because im so scared of side effects.. when im on my period, id rather bleed out in front of everyone than wearing a tampon since im so scared of toxic syndrome

What the f is wrong with me. I was never like this. I had big dreams and I felt like I could achieve them. Now, I feel i cant even leave my house. I cant even smile, laugh, talk about other things than health, i mentioned health stuff to my parents and friends EVERY DAY this year.. and im not evem talking about the tests and doctors i visited and going to visit..

Health anxiety is seriously hell I wouldnt wish onto anyone. Its literally the same mindset as someone on electric chair. You know you are going to die SOON.. You believe it. Truly and fully.. you are thinking about how painful it is going to be, how people I leave here will continue living, how many things you havent done, if you even experienced love.. and you take it serious.. 

This has been the darkest and most scary year of my life and It doesnt show any signs of stopping. I dont know what to do. Please, if you related to anything I wrote here.. is there anything that would help? Your words could literally save my life right now. Thank you ??

0 likes, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • emma39062
    emma39062

    Posted

    Sorry, I wrote some grammar mistakes, im noticing now, I would edit them out but i dont know how haha. 
  • eric55323
    eric55323 emma39062

    Posted

    Take your anti-depressants, the side effects aren't that bad.  You're current mental state is much more worse than any small side effect and they will most certainly improve your quality of life.

  • jose13755
    jose13755 emma39062

    Posted

    I have the same problem as yousad but in my case I tell myself I have dementia and that I'm going to forget all my memory and everybody I know, I have head pins and feel like I'm going to faint and just start to panic, I tell myself who I am my age my dob and whos my family so I could calm myself a bit, been having this problem for about 4 months and it's the worse thing ever!!! Anxiety is a very horrible thing, I had a ct scan and everything came out normal but still have these scary thoughts everydaysad

    • emma39062
      emma39062 jose13755

      Posted

      Im very sorry for what you are experiencing. The memory thing, i do that too, and its even worse for me since this disease runs in my family.. ive been having headaches for like, 7 days today with low grade fever and I convinced myself i cant open my mouth, cant think of words and cant read normally. It sucks..

       We are in this together. smile 

    • jose13755
      jose13755 emma39062

      Posted

      What runs in your family? All we have to do is stick together that's why I join this forum, theirs a lot of amazing of people in heresmile  it really helps you in here theirs people like us in here we are not alone and that helps me a lot and stay distracted, and yes are all together lol

    • emma39062
      emma39062 jose13755

      Posted

      Alzheimer disease sad . Yeah, it is always good to see im not alone, since it sometimes feels like i am.. smile
  • brianna60507
    brianna60507 emma39062

    Posted

    Hi Emma and welcome to the forum! First, I am so sorry you are feeling like this! You must be so scared! Second, I know how you feel- I once convinced myself I had colon cancer at 18.... The odds of this happening would be like less that 0.001%. Anxiety is a crazy thing that can make you believe all sorts of things!

    I highly suggest taking your medication. The side effects are not that bad and it will seriously improve your anxiety. It's worth it!! Secondly I the next time you're having on of these episodes I want you to try to do the following- 

    1. Think about the fact that you've been to the ER 5 times in the past 3 months- if there was something seriously wrong with you they would find it!

    2. Your're 18... the odds of you getting a heart/attack or stroke with no prior health problems related to these issues is borderline impossible.

    3. Do something that will take your mind off of it. Go out with friends, watch a TV show, whatever helps you relax

    Medication SERIOUSLY helps with the racing thoughts. Please consider it. Also as far as you being concerned about toxic shock syndrome... You need to leave your tampon in for basically 24 hours for that to happen!! So as long as you take it out every few hours you're fine!!!!

    Let me know if I can help in any other way. Wishing you well.

    -Brianna

    • emma39062
      emma39062 brianna60507

      Posted

      Hello, thank you for your response Brianna. smile your words really helped. I know the doctors would find something, my parents tell me too but the pain is still present and it is hard to believe its nothing or just something not severe.. my heart attack fear started a month ago, the day my friend died because of it, he was 19 but he had some inherited disease he did not know about. I have been having heart palpitations since 11 years old and it just scares me so much, even tho my fears are probably irrational.. 

      Thank you so much ❤️❤️

    • brianna60507
      brianna60507 emma39062

      Posted

      Hi Emma, 

      You're welcome! And I know how hard it is when you KNOW something to be true but you still cannot convince that stubborn mind! Therapy really helps too if you're not interested in the medication! Your fear is completely rational! If I had a friend who died of that I would be the same way! 

      This is why it's important to know your family history and get regular check ups. I'm so sorry about your friend rolleyes. But know what happened to him is SO rare and he had a family history of it. As far as your heart palpitations are concerned... This could also be anxiety! This is where I think medication works tremendously. It reaaaally helps with the physical symptoms of anxiety. Please feel free to email me if you ever need more support:

      Moderator comment: I have removed the email address as we do not publish these in the forums. If users wish to exchange contact details please use the Private Message service.

      http://patient.uservoice.com/knowledgebase/articles/398331-private-messages

    • emma39062
      emma39062 brianna60507

      Posted

      Hello brianna smile 

      It is great to hear im not crazy for once. 😄 

      I would love to join therapy but it is unfortunatelly too expensive.. I have to seek help online, these forums really do help a ton. 

      I might try the medication, I am so desperate.. but also im so anxious about them not helping.. its just crazy. Thank you for email, it got deleted so I will contact you via private message. You are very kind. 

      Love, Emma ??

  • rigena
    rigena emma39062

    Posted

    This was me... this IS me. 3 months ago and 15 visits to the hospital (they remind me how many times I've been there with the same s**t) I have come to terms that it's anxiety, been to every specialist every test is normal. I take natural medicine which I don't know if they're really working but I stopped them for 2 days and those 2 days were hell. I have 24/7 breathing problems. My oxygen is normal but I have this urge for like every 30sec-1 minute to take a deep breath and if I can't I will yawn to get that deep breath even though I'm not able to sometimes and it just makes me keep forcing myself to breath which gets me more sick! I have chest pains and it hurts like hell when I push my chest from the top of my chest to under my breast. My chest is so sore like I've been to the gym or something. Apparently it's because of a virus... I didn't know viruses can last for 3 months... in the beginning I would think I'm going to die, my husband would ask what vacations are we taking in December and next summer and all I'm thinking about is if I'm even going to be alive by then!! I've caught my husband cry and he says because no doctor will tell us what's wrong with you and you're hurting 😩 Hate to see him cry but he's right. Sometimes I break down and beg god to take this pain away. I've learned to stop thinking about death and just tell myself you're not dying it's allllll in your head! These symptoms are all in my head and I begin to calm myself down from the verge of a panic attack! Symptoms never go away, I just sometimes keep busy and forget about them and then as soon as I have nothing to do I'm thinking oh great here come my symptoms again! I tell everyone around me it's best to know what you have and find a solution but I don't ever wanna wish this problem on anyone! It doesn't let me live my life. I used to go out to eat with my husband and my 2 year old and now I just tell my husband to go get us something because even being in a car is hell. In the beginning I had a panic attack behind the wheel in the highway, to this day I don't know how I made my way to an exit and was able to stop and call my husband to come get me. It was the scariest moment in my life and every since that day in August I have never been the same. Prescription meds scare me although my mom has been taking sertraline for year now and she's better than ever. But I may not be as lucky as she was with that medicine. Has anyone ever tried CBD oil without the drug? My friend has been on it for 6 weeks and had been sick for 13 weeks and she says her symptoms are still there but had been feeling extremely better than before taking it. I don't know what to do anymore. Hoping for the best for all of us!

    • emma39062
      emma39062 rigena

      Posted

      Hey rigena, I can finally answer to your reply. smile 

      I really related to your post. I was supposed to go on vacation next month, just for a quick, three day visit of Istanbul and i cancelled it. I was thinking i either am going to die until then, or die there. Its so STUPID. Even now, as im typing, I can feel my stomach burning like hell, my heart feels like its going to jump out of my neck, i cant even stand up because it gets worse, my head hurts and my face is boiling hot. Its never ending.. im really glad I could relate to someone this much, it seems like we are really in the same situation.. the only thing that truly helps, as you said, is getting really busy.. I dont know if you could relate, but for me, sleeping for example is hell. I cannot keep myself asleep, I dream such nightmares, I wake up sweaty, with chest pains, palpitations.. it suck big time.. you are very lucky you were able to get so much tests in such short time, for me, it has been a year and I only have blood tests, ekg and sonography done.. i was able to get to a specialist just this week, im having gastroscopy on friday.. im shaking like a poodle even now haha.. i dont have any experience with the medication you asked about, unfortunatelly.. all I ever took was xanax 0,25 and it didnt really help much.  Maybe it stopped me from shaking and crying. 

      Thank you so much for your reply, it helped me so so much to hear someone out there is in such similar situation. I am very sorry for your husband and that it is making him sad, I know the feeling of guilt, my mom cried also because she feels so hopeless and she always tells me she is so sorry she doesnt know how to help me.. if your tests are okay, it has to be okay.. but i know the mindset is different. Wishing you best of luck ??

      Emma

  • emma39062
    emma39062

    Posted

    I would love to reply to the people that wrote me here but it says "the response is waiting to be moderated" since yesterday, im sorry girlsrolleyes 

    • rigena
      rigena emma39062

      Posted

      It probably cause we wrote a very long comment! I hope they review it soon because I'm in the same exact situation!

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