This is too much. I can't go on this way.

Posted , 3 users are following.

IT's getting harder and harder not to hate myself for all this nonsense. 

Ive read half the internet in attempt to diagnose or revive myself from this insanity, ive reflected every moment if it was real or not. This plague of anxiety is unfortunatley not somatic enough to have killed me yet but the pyschological has nearly cost me my life now from the sheer exhaustion and traumatising stuff i have to go through. 

I'm being told I tire people out. I barely talk the days when they say this.

My parents are tired but what they don't understand is I'd rather not be here at all. Literaly in times like this I feel dead. 

I'm the maturest ive ever been now, so theres only so appropriate I can be to things like this now.

It's either be a loner, safe and miserable.

or

Constant self-diagnoses from people around me.

or

The difficult but permanent choice is sucide.

The help is not enough, I sound like I'm dramatising things but this is the nature of anxiety and how uneducated people are.

I get f***** over by girls who like me too. 

I excersise constantly. Forever running away.

It's like I should be with it rather than fighting it, just give up and become a reclusive thing that should have never existed.

Yes I have issues, and adressing them has caused concern but no action.

I'm doing my best and it's not enough.

I've got a phychistrist January.

CBT January.

Party/Exams January.

Inbetween time, I'm being ignored, and returning the same back. I don't like being dead like this.

 

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Are you taking medication? It isn't the answer for everyone, but, it lets me lead a normal life. I weaned off and was good for about 18 months and then anxiety knocked me down again hard! I'm back on mess (antidepressants) and after five weeks I am feeling much more like myself! I don't think I will be so eager to be off mess again. Therapy is good too, but don't be afraid to try mess if it means they can help you cope while you work with a therapist. It is such a hard place to be in when the people around you do not really understand how very desperate and scared we feel.
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  • Posted

    First of all, forget suicide. Suicide can wait and there are zillions of things to try out before taking that irreversably option! In fact an entire lifespan is not long enough to try out all there is out there! Your life is an opportunity to try things out, to experiment, to play, to discover yourself ... approach it like a game. Heck, even as a WAR game - you are your own hero, your worrying thoughts your enemies, fight them! Ignore them, distract them, trip them over, confuse them, blight them with positive thoughts, with imagination, with passionate work, with sports, with friends, with love!  I know it's draining - it's an illness like any other. Take it as such. Treat it. It's great that you are going to see a specialist - but be aware: a psychiatrist usually prescribes drugs (and drugs are NOT a good solution on a long term basis). You need a therapist, someone who can help you understand where your anxiety is coming from and can help you to get out of it. CBT is definitely valid. Read books about health anxiety - even personal stories, autobiographies, of people who had it and who have managed to overcome it. Health anxiety can happen do anyone -  to bright intelligent people too. It is an illness to address, just like cancer or high blood pressure! So speak about it with professionals and explain it to your family - it is an illness, help me out by being supportive, help me find the best help I can get. Hopefully, they'll understand. If they don't, well, you've tried .. in the end, the one who has to most understand you, help you, and support you is YOURSELF. Good luck.
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    • Posted

      Thankyou for your support. I'm on the case, Ive been watching intense generalised anxiety focused lectures. All on the nature of it, how it turns up, when it hits stage two, how to cope, do nothing, care less, go get help, fight it like you say. I've noticed it lives in us all, but some far more.

      I'm willing to dedicate this month purely on how to rewire my anxieties system, after all it all starts in the brain and the brain is something you can change to an extent, it will offer a chance for change, and a chance at conquering over adversity. 

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    • Posted

      i think you need to dedicate more than a month to it smile. It's a lifetime skill you are going to learn there! It is worth the time and patience.
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  • Posted

    Yes, you can choose to a be a loner, safe and miserable, constantly protecting

    your precious pride, or another choice, sucide, which is, undoubtly a cry for help,

    and lastly, let others diagnose you. Now, would you like for me to believe these

    are the only alternatives of a person, who is, the maturist they ever been ?

    I think not.

    So you have issues, what beliefs do you hold so near and dear that is preventing from taking action? Fear of failure, making a mistake, rejection, the list goes on and on. If you eliminate your beliefs that's keeping you from taken action, motivation will be unnecessary. Intrusive thoughts will destroy you, just keep in mind they are only thoughts and thoughts can't harm you. All in all, your post 

    is slightly vague to me, no specifics, so I take it, but don't quote me, you may be suffering from generalized anxiety disorder.

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