This too shall pass

Hi all,

Sending love,

I'm posting again as I seem to have messed up my medication after feeling ready to come off. The past two years have been great and I've felt a little anxious at times, but that is part of life and I wouldn't change it. I got married last year in June which was lovely and have felt accepting of my emotions, whatever they may be and just taking life as it comes which I suppose is the dream really, especially when you have suffered with anxiety!

I'm learning that acceptance is so important of the past, present and future. I've overcome many anxieties and I'm really proud of myself for that. Hence why I felt ready to come off my medication.

Did I call the doctor? No. Did I decide to wing it and come off myself? Yes.

This wasn't a good idea and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone and I am so so annoyed at myself as things were going so well, that this feeling has really winded me... I didn't cut the pill in half, I went from taking them every other day to once every 6 days (as of very recently) and I have felt the effect straight away. I'm questioning myself wondering whether I am psychologically weak, or whether this is withdrawal - although I know it is. The anxiety keeps telling me I've gone backwards and I'll never recover.

I thank this medication for many things and many times when I'm feeling good, I forget how powerful it is. Powerful enough to lift me from the darkest times, yet if messed around with powerful enough to make me feel like I am going backwards.

The one fear, I would like to let go of- is that if I come off of this- I will go back to square one. Which I 'feel' like I am now & am currently going back towards my original dose and will let myself balance out naturally, which takes time. I'm trying to be kind to myself and endure the aches, pains, headaches, lump in chest, clenched jaw and sleep disturbance. I feel that sleep anxiety is my last to accept and let go, although really all anxiety is the same. Sometimes I feel the key to overcoming anxiety is self-belief, confidence and knowing that the mind and how I react to the anxiety is what makes the difference. How I react to it is what makes it difficult. I believe that both medication and coping strategies as well as counselling go hand in hand.

Nevertheless, I'm back in this predicament. I'm trying not to judge myself and let the lies pass, but its not easy and I think takes a lot of practice. The thoughts of going backwards scare me and I feel exhausted. However I know it will balance out.

I also know that every time I have felt weak, I have got better. I think we have that same determination in all of us.

Sorry if this post seems a little all over the place, this forum has always helped me feel less alone!

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