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Hi all I only seem to come on here when I am having difficulty but I suppose thats what this is all about.I don't think I am able to help anyone else yet until I sort myself out. I have managed to complete my final week at work under the phased return plan, back to full time next week. Not sure if I am ready but just go through the motions. It's when I get home that everything starts going wrong. This week on and off I have still been having suicidal thougths they just won't go away I don't know how to stop them, I try and keep busy, still exercising but they keep coming back. I even found myself on the internet looking up different ways to commit suicide, just did it without thinking. I've got tramadol and dimazipane in the cupboard I'm sure these and alcohol will work. I know or like to think I do not really want to do this but it just won't go away. I just feel so pathetic, useless, I hate myself having these thoughts and just want to hurt myself. I keep seeing myself doing these things I just hope I don't do them for real.
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