thoughts all over the place

Posted , 7 users are following.

Hi all I only seem to come on here when I am having difficulty but I suppose thats what this is all about.I don't think I am able to help anyone else yet until I sort myself out.  I have managed to complete my final week at work under the phased return plan, back to full time next week. Not sure if I am ready but just go through the motions. It's when I get home that everything starts going wrong. This week on and off I have still been having suicidal thougths they just won't go away I don't know how to stop them, I try and keep busy, still exercising but they keep coming back. I even found myself on the internet looking up different ways to commit suicide, just did it without thinking. I've got tramadol and dimazipane in the cupboard I'm sure these and alcohol will work. I know or like to think I do not really want to do this but it just won't go away. I just feel so pathetic, useless, I hate myself having these thoughts and just want to hurt myself. I keep seeing myself doing these things I just hope I don't do them for real. 

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16 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Tina,

    Have you been to see your doctor as tablets can so help with this, as its down to a case of a chemical imbalance in your brain that makes you feel like this, I promise I know, so get to the GP ask for help it may take a few weeks for the meds to take effect but then you will feel normal again, and happy and able to go on... promise me you will go to see your GP

    Stay strong

    Anne smile

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    • Posted

      I've been on citalapram 20mg for 9 weeks my GP upped it to 40mg for the last 7 weeks, due to really disturbing dreams she wanted me to go back to 20, I've reduced it to 30 at the moment. I have been having suicidal thoughts, intentions before starting cit, its just come back with vengance it just won't go away, I keep busy it stops but when I sit down for a few minutes its back even driving its there.
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    • Posted

      Hi Tina, I am on 40mg now for 8 months, and what a difference to my life, but I was really bad for maybe the first 3 months, now I believe I dont ever want to come off CIT , so mayby try the 40mg for a bit longer, and stay strong in the knowledge it will help you once its settled to your body, everyone takes different times to reach the back to feeling normal point, but it will come I promise.

      Be strong, and see the doctor again and tell him straight how you feel, maybe get your name down for CBT training.

      Anne x

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    • Posted

      Hi Anne I don't know if I can cope with the dreams i've been having 2 - 3 a night for the past month. Thats why the GP has reduced the dose again as I wasn't getting them before. I have been quite open with my GP but more with the counciller I've been seeing. I know this drug takes a while to get into your system, there are other things I have to sort out in my head too, I am hoping once i understand these I will be able to cope better. x
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    • Posted

      Hi Tina, 

      yes the dreams are crap but they do go, it was the dreams that put me off, but I persevered and now am so glad, its was a tough journey, and I wouldnt have understood it if I hadnt experienced it, my life is back to normal now, and so happy again. I could'nt believe how I was feeling when I first got this. as had never had it before, but will support anyone that has it now as I only got through this knowing I wasnt the only one.

      So take care and keep going to the GP for help, and look into doing the CBT training it was really helpful to me.

      Take care

      Anne x

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    • Posted

      i lost my Mum just before I went downhill, its still sh*t but it is easier with time, never a day goes without thinking of her and never will, cant believe now that i am saying its getting easier, but it is, so stay strong, time helps i promise. try to keep busy, get fresh air and exercise every day .. it will help ur body and mind... think of all the people whom love you, they want you to be ok. get support from them now,

      take care and keep in touch

      Anne x

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  • Posted

    Hi tina . sorry to hear your going through this taking pills is not a good thing to so , its a slow painful death so i was told by my doctor. you dont just go to sleep hunny, all your organs shut down slowly, you need to go see your doctor . soon as. get the help you need love, you shouldnt have to go through this alone. take care xxx
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    • Posted

      Hi Julia I know taking pills is not a good idea, its just that Ive got a load in the cupboard.  I watched my husband die from leukemia, he had gone yellow all his organs were shutting down it was not a nice thing to see.Told 2-3 weeks but he died within 3 days. My best option for me is drowning which I got ver yclose to doing a while ago, even to the point of being in the north sea. It is suppose to be euphoric. I just can't get these visions from my head. The only way isby  doing them, which I don't really want to do....
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  • Posted

    Hello Tina is there any family you can talk to to help you or stay with you.please I know things feel out of control for you. It takes time to heal  reach out for all the help you can get. Your life has meaning and your family and friends love you  and they want to enjoy life with YOU NOT WITHOUT YOU. Things really will get better. Go and buy yourself something pretty and go out with some family or friends you deserve it .Take  care of yourself and I know you will get better!!!!!!!!!
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  • Posted

    Tina, you are helping in ways you may not appreciate yet. We are all friends here for each other.

    Take Care, David

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  • Posted

    tina promise you won't do anything stupid. I am having a hard time myself but am here if you need to talk. We can help each other.
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    • Posted

      Thank you all for your concern. Eventually got to sleep after 2, still weird dreams, trying to keep busy. Weather too windy and snow to be going out. Seeing councillor Tuesday, hopefully that will help. Still feel very low, hope you all have a good day. X
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  • Posted

    Hi when I have felt really bad, I have managed to get the doctor to prescribe diazepam. Although they are very reluctant to prescribe it and of course if is only a short term measure.

    i found that it helps me see things straight again.

     

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    • Posted

      Hi I don't think my GP would give me any other medications, I am only allowed a weeks supply of Cit at a time. I haven't been offered anythng else but if I am in a real state I can get an appointment very quickly. 
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