Tips on dealing with Zyprexa withdrawals

Hello,

So i've been on zyprexa for 4 years and it was injection of 50mg per month. i quit cold turkey. yes i know its bad but i asked them to taper me, i even ask if they can give me another medicine, they wont budge. i told them how i feel like the medicine make me feel some kind of zombie(?) if it make sense. I had them 2 or 3 years before i decide to go to college. I was mostly at home doing nothing except on focusing on my mental health. When i started my college that's when i feel that this medicine wont help me with my school. i feel lazy, sleepy all the time. i was 34kg went to 44. yup, very skinny. i gain few kgs but it felt like my body was very heavy makes it hard to get up. it doesnt help my insomnia at all but when i do sleep, it took me hours to open my eyes. i had a hard time to wake up for classes.

I tried supplement, diets to help me combat these symptom but nothing works. I got frustated since i cant do anything. all of my assignment and school work are done by my friends. i feel sorry for them because i was the one who suppose to do it. it was not their responsibility to do my work. i had few semester left and i still cant figure way out. Thats when i decide to just quit cold turkey. These doctor doesnt seem to wanting me off this medicine.

Now, 3 years later, still dealing with the withdrawals. my school feel apart, relationship with family and friends. I had bad tremors, full body sweats, develop some kind of social anxiety, dissociate alot, i cant even know how to talk or had conversation. everytime i try to think of something even the smalest thing my head get hurt and start sweating with full body tremors. i cant walk properly. i isolate myself alot because i was afraid of myself. Im very sensitive to everything. my mood constantly change and most of the time all i feel is anger. i get scared easily. What hurts more is that i know all of the things happening to me but i couldnt control it. i couldnt do anything to hold myself for almost 3 years. its just this few months, in january that i started to feel i can have a little grip on my life. but this symptom come back and forth up till now.

i would like to ask for any tips or advice if anything i can do for the time being. either on how to reduce or control the emotion or what happening to my body. i didnt expect to fully covered since i know it might not go back to how it used to be. but i believe that there is still hope for me. i dont want to give up. i just dont know what i should do since i have no one to rely on, i dont trust the doctors anymore and we dont have anywhere to go except for that hospital.

Any help would be appreciated. I'm sorry if this is too long. Thank you ❤️

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