Tired!

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Hi folks. I dontknow if anyone is around to respond to this-but ever since I oded on Diazepam-ive not been able to stop sleeoping. If I am at home im fighting to stay awake-if out with the children I am a crabbie bitch, then back home i need sleep. Im sleeping until approx11am in the morning, Sleep approx 3 pm -5pm.Then go to bed at 10pm because im so tired,,,sleep til about 12, Get up for erhaps an hour , then sleep ...and Id probably like to not get up till 1pm...but with 2 young children, thats not really the best.

is it shock, trauma, exhaustionfrom everyone interfering,....Is it the new pilss? Has it been the reduction in this pill ...Im now only on 10mgs a day? I cant eat properly, i look reallyold , frustrarated with my dry worzel hair-and wish the police would hurry up and do their job so i can get back on with my life, back on concentrating on getting my children organised, on my course, my life getting out this city.

Also, why is it they say \"Dont be a victim\" But dont kive how you live and why is it I feel like the criminal? Im not even allowed a drink to calm me down, not a drop...so get this im an adult...I have very little money, single parent but cant get rid of the other parent despite being pushed around, picked off the street by the police because someother asshole has hrt me, taken for forensics, dropped back off, for me to carry on and then its everywhere, bloody everywhere. Even my next door neighbours son is still talking about it

If anyone was to ask me what I dreally wnat right now...its would be , ah well yes, botox, a bearde collie with sharp teeth, a nice house on Grewat western rd, and a stunt gubn to put them all on pause and think before they speak...even the psychologists has said \"it would have all been different had you not been drinking, the ending may have been different\" ERm sorry, but I dod psychs and that aint unconditional positve regard that she should be getting paid for that judgement in a pint glass.. Ive had enough.Ill help myself only if I want help these teams of people saying there here to help sorry, theyve put to much pressure on me...Im not prepareed now to ework with a psychologists that has a looking glass that can examine the past and tell the future-which exactly whats she did...She said \"You do understand iif you carry on behaving like this you want see your childrne for very long\" how does she know exactly howdoes she know-shes not the experiement here. I know elderly woman in theri 80s that smoke 40 a day and drink half a bottle of whisky and wine was just theirt tipple at my age,so How exactly doe sshe know this???? Dont you think that theres a more of a driving force, like example, us motheres need to live, because our children need us. There is really a choice whther we poour flippin 3 tons of liquer down our necks take ten es and weed up and snort cocaine and take loads of laxs and puke and starve ...well still be here, because we have to be.

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  • Posted

    Hi Tiny tears, sounds like your going through a real tough time at the moment with little or no support. Have you been in touch with Vicim support or Womens Aid, as I'm sure they would give the the non-clinical support that you require right now. I cant answer your question about always wanting to sleep, but it doesnt sound natural, particularly when you have children. You are obviously going through a very traumatic time and I dont think that Citalopram will take this away, but may help you to cope slightly better. If you ODED you may still have toxins in your body which might account for the drop in meds, best to check with your G.P. Good luck
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  • Posted

    Hey Barney-i dont know I am supposed to be gtting\"Loads of support\" But if you ask me thats crap. The system so called care in the community is crap! Though I dont know wether I am seeing it like this because of the way I feel, or if it is just crap? It could be that it is just rubbish and im not impressed, not one littlr flaming but-you can probably tell im angry at the moment/

    I am getting help from rape crises team, and theyve been great, but as for the psychologist , its been a week , Im dreading seeing her, I find her judging, and not forgiving and so I dont know -not what I expected from a psychs person. Put me off wanting to be one thats for sure-then again the ream of psychs I worked with wouldnt be in a hurry to deny you the right to drin kso quickly or to hand out meds from pharmaceautical companies that no no better!

    How am I going to tackle this one without seming stropey. I just dont agree with her attitude. Its my body and my right so I dont want to work with her anymore I really dont!

    Honestly, this sounds like im jealous-maybe I am-but she has perfect hair, perfect everything and then tells me how to live my life and so on, and tells me that I ( well fro mmy understanding) that its my fault this happened to me-I cant get my head round that opinion. Did she mean its my fault this happened to me? Or that these things happen to me because.....?Nope, still not in aggreement with what she said doesnt matter how you look at it!

    Sorry, I dont know what to make of things anymore, and my daughter was banging on about what daddy has bee saying about me, and what a hypocrit hei is to me...and that he doesnt listen to anything she wants, He only hears what he wants to hear...same here I guess its the same in this situttion,I don t want to hear that this may not have happened had I not been drinking...I dont want to hera that, but thats what shes telling me...and that makes me worse niot better because then I am to blame. EEx has said that my children would be in foster care to them had he left them with me...No one gets it...I wouldnt bloody drink if he left me the kids. I cant handle his sneers, His none caring ways. The fact In fron t of muy mother he said he wanted to marry me, yet Ive not had one cuddle , not heard one question of concern , All Ive hears is him snapping at me\"where are the girsl tea\" and oh yeah \"whats for tea\" Then he googles my place of work for trousers .....relly really gotme giong.....I cant make sense of the world because iof what has happened , him and these new meds and Id rather be drinking...but notice im still awake . Itd 330pm...must be on the way to getting better!

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  • Posted

    Hi Tiny Tears1, Sorry you have had such a bad experience with the Psychologist, havnt ever experienced it so cannot comment. I would however be surprised if she was telling you that what happened to you was your fault, cause she has a duty of care to look after your best interests, which will unfortunately include exploring the unpleasant things that have happened and the what ifs?? Please dont turn to drink in place of your medication, as you need to come to terms with what has happened before you can start to make sense of the situation and drink will not help that. I sounds as thought you are going through the anger stages of grieving. Please give the meds a chance and know it will be a rough journey for you but am sure you will get there. Best wishes.
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  • Posted

    God yeah Barney-this is no fun! Im so angry! My mood was vicious today-had to virtually run to the chemist to get my prescription-thank god i did, seem t obe calming. Its like im a wolf one mintue and the next i want to be cuddled and loved like an angel.

    So its back to normality almost. I just have to accept that whats happened and wait! I must be the most impatient patient around . Honestly im so impatient and so irritable!

    My hair is now falling out in handfulls and I am sure im putting on weight-but really im still alive so i shouldnt complain!

    Its strange becuase somedays inmy head , ts a real big hting thats happened, and then other days im thinking, thats nothing shrugging it away, and then screaming about my fmily life- which is shit!

    Also, ive done this all my life, but I thnk about a piece of something ( material I mena0 i think yeah ive not seen that in a while and then ovbsessively turn the house over looking for something that means nothing-getting angry and then crying about my dissorganisation!

    Then the kiddies ask why I am so upset-argh!!! im supposed write these down for the home care team-so ill send it here then put iit into better english! Oh dear sorry no offence,,,that made me laugh for a moment.

    Oh maybe its like inception maybe none of this rellly happened to me, im just in a very long dream and I need a KICK out of it!

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  • Posted

    Gosh- thats like reading another person! Im not normally like that!

    Sorry if I offende anyone! Some of the things i wrote were just out of character and me miss understanding the given situation! Wah ! How embarassing!

    Im doing much better! have my moments of despair and self hatred, but far better than I was then!

    Hope everyone is getting better!

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