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Because of some medical tests and symptoms I'm constantly worried I have cancer. IF I have cancer I will do nothing about it as the treatments are horrendous and I refuse to go through with them even though people will want me to. I'm sick of worrying about my health all the time and being depressed and not being able to get my mind off of it. I'm in the process of changing anti depressants and it seems to be going nowhere. I wish I was dead as I cannot live like this. I need some semblance of hope or some way to feel better otherwise I may just have end it. Maybe if I have cancer it'll be a blessing becuase that' what will kill me shortly. That anxiety is in a class by itself. I want to try to be able to focus on others I know and less on myself but I've become so wrapped up in this crap I can't stand any more of it. There seems no way out.
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