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It's getting late and I am gonna have to make a choice
I want to stay awake because sleeping gives me the fear of a nightmare happening. Sometimes I remember them, sometimes I just wake up in a cold sweat.
But I also want to sleep because I don't want to relive it again, and that's all I do when I'm awake anyways. I'm distressed and angry and unconsolable
It's a horrible battle that feels like it's tearing me apart right now.
Honestly the only way I see myself getting through the night is by going back to self harm, a coping method I said I wouldn't go back to
But it's just hard not to at this moment.
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