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To tell or not to tell

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Kalypso
Kalypso

I recently been diagnosed with hsv2. I cried for only 5 minutes but soon realized many people are diagnosed with this and it's only a skin disease. I am still me. So now the hard part how should I confront people with this or better yet I just don't. I spoke to 2 doctors as well as colleagues and asked them what should I tell my friends or guys I date. They tell me don't tell anyone. No one will see you for you. They will see you as a plague because their ignorant about STDS. I'm torn because I know the right thing to do is to tell a person that I come into sexual contact with I have this. On the other hand look how many men and women are willing to risk having sex by not wearing a condom? I've decided if they choose to not wear a condom I will not have sex with them. It's not like I'll be having casual sex all the time but I don't believe I need to tell them. For all I know they might have it to. Now when it comes down to being in a relationship I fear I still will not say anything until he says he no longer wants to wear a condom and therefore I'll say then we both need to be tested and then he'll see for himself I have hsv2 and its his choice to stay with me and make it work it or leave. I know this sounds selfish but In this day and age who isnt?

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • nikki1230
    nikki1230 Kalypso

    Posted

    Rise above being selfish. Give that other person the benefit of the doubt that you were denied. I was given HSV-2 by someone who very much knew he had it. I made my vow from then on that I would be upfront and honest with anyone in the future if I felt our relationship could go that way. You will be eaten up with guilt if you don't. At least I would hope you were if you're a good person. Yes, I get the stigma that comes with this. It sounds like this awful thing when really pretty much anyone who's had at least 3 partners has been exposed to it. You can actually Google ways to break the news to partners and that's the route I personally would choose to take. Karma can be a real bi*** ya know...
    • gail1023
      gail1023 nikki1230

      Posted

      I agree. It's better to be open about it, like you said, you are still you. So why let something that is very common and unharmful put a barrier between you and a partner. 
  • m69715
    m69715 Kalypso

    Posted

    Hi..I totally agree with Nikki....it's definitely hard to let someone know u have this virus but it's not right to make the decision for your potential sex partner...Give them the opportunity the that u didn't get which is to accept or deny it..When I found out I was infected I was already in a relationship and turns out herpes had been lying dormant in my body for over a yr....I was very scared to tell my mate but I knew I couldn't look him in the eyes and tell him I love him but not tell him that I have a virus. .I was very afraid of loosing him but I knew I had to be a Woman and tell him and let him make his own decision.he chose to stay with me and he's been very supportive. ..I am on suppressive therapy to help lower the chances of him catching it...anyways I hope u make the right decision and decide to be truthful...good luck !

  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus Kalypso

    Posted

    That's a delicate topic in H circles that's not so black and white, imo.

    Some people, including even some doctors and counsellors, feel it's okay not to disclose to casual sex partners, provided you take ALL measures to reduce transmission, so no sex during an outbreak/prodrome, daily suppressive therapy, and proper and consistent condom usage.

    Personally, I would also add no sex for the first six months of infection, since infectivity is highest then (up to a year, in fact), but that's just me.

    For relationships, you do need to definitely disclose, however, and better before there is any sex, as that would be a hard one to explain your way out of and regain trust! No doctor or counsellor would support not disclosing in this scenario.

    I have yet to cross either bridge so far, as I am taking myself off the "market" for a while and just want to focus on getting my body strong and over the worst in terms of infectiousness, etc., before I even considering sex or a relationship again.

    Anyway, not an endorsement or otherwise with respect to casual sex, just what I know some professionals have advised, although you won't find that on any medical or H site.

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