Tonight I've completely hit rock bottom

Posted , 5 users are following.

I've had Depression since I was 18 and for the last 9 years it has been under control. A few months back it started coming back and getting worse. I started seeing my Psychologist again and put on new antidepressants. After 2 months I'm not noticing a difference but the opposite. I'm having horrible mood swings, crying spells, outbursts and etc. I have never felt so low in my life and for the 1st time I have had suicidal thoughts. I feel so depressed and worthless I don't know what to do. I have nobody to talk to because everyone dismisses it as drama. I'm afraid to go to the hospital because they will lock me up in a mental hospital. I just need someone to talk to and comfort me. I feel like nobody would care if I did do something to myself including my family. I can't shut my mind off and I can't focus or stop crying.

1 like, 26 replies

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26 Replies

  • Posted

    im so sorry i suffered with bad depression too ;( do u also suffer with derealization too?
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    • Posted

      Yes I do. I'm just constantly criticizing myself, being and thinking negative and I think everyone feels/thinks the same way. I'm also very paranoid and anxious
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    • Posted

      i understand u completely its so scary! i lost my mom 3 years ago it tramatized me so much watching her suffer ny depression hit me bad i felt hopeless cried everyday missing my mom and bad anxiety paranoid along with stupid derealization and brain fog i hate it sm!
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    • Posted

      Oh my gosh I'm so sorry for your loss! I can't even imagine what that must have been like. All I know is depression is one sneaky, scary b******!!
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  • Posted

    Hi Nik

    I think the new antidepressants are not suited to you or the dose needs adjusting. Please go to the doctor and get some help. I am like you at the moment on new ones waiting for them to kick in its horrible but do something as soon as possible. You will get better. Just keep posting on here for help all these posters have suffered or are suffering just like you. People who dont have this find it hard to understand and even when we are better its hard helping others with it as there is nothing we can do but tell them they will get better. pls go to doctor

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    • Posted

      Hi jran,

      I have an appt on 1/6 with a new doctor because I have no insurance so I can't afford to see my previous one. I'm hoping they will up the dose and add a mood stabilizer because I think I could be bipolar. Anyway having no insurance has caused a lot of delays in getting proper mental treatment and I have a chronic pain issue that is also going on simultaneously. Both of these mixed have basically thrown me over the edge. Mentally I'm a mess and physically I'm in horrible pain. Plus I can't go to the ER because w/ no insurance it would be a lot of money plus they treat people like me like crap and druggies looking for a quick score.

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    • Posted

      It moderated me that's why. I just said I was so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom and I couldn't imagine how hard that was. Depression is no joke and it really does some crazy, horrible things to us. I just wish more people understood and had sympathy for it.
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    • Posted

      thank you. i actually went to my drs app crying ive been a mess i miss my old self im on antidepressants i feel less depressed but now im anxious have brain fog and some derealization i hate it ;( i just wanna be happy u know?
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    • Posted

      I know exactly how you feel! I miss the old me and the happy, up for anything, goofy me. Now I'm just a walking zombie, I'm so moody, easily offended/sensitive, anxious, overcautious and etc. Oddly my antidepressants aren't helping so I've gotten way worse the last few days. Plus I have chronic pain that has been causing problems right now as well. So basically I have 2 major issues mentally and physically I'm trying to control and failing. 
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    • Posted

      yeah im on 2 weeks taking sertraline i feel less depressed just cant rid this damn fog and out of it ness and anxiety i want my old self back. i hope u start to feel better soon smile
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  • Posted

    I I am so sorry to hear you feel so bad. I have felt that way before. If you are taking new medication, perhaps it is not the right kind for you. When you see the new doctor maybe he or she will decide on a different medication. 

    Also it takes time for a new medication to start working. 

    Take care of yourself. We are here for you.

     

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  • Posted

    Hi no one is going to lock you away in a mental hospital unless you are out of control,  a danger to yourself or to others.   Are you? 

    It sounds like your meds aren't working so you need to go back to your doctor pronto and discuss this.  x

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    • Posted

      I'm not a danger to myself or others physically. I'm just mentally destroying myself to the point I can't even function. I don't have insurance so I can't see my Shrink because its almost $200. IDK what to do??
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    • Posted

      Medical insurance is very poorly run here in the US. IDK if in the UK all people have medical insurance but in the US we don't. You only get it through job benefits or you pay out of pocket which is very expensive. I'm waiting for Medi-Cal which is insurance for people with low incomes but it takes quite some time. 
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    • Posted

      I think the system in USA is barbaric and I have heard of people dying though lack of money.   We have the NHS here which is free to all.  A few people have private insurance,  mainly the wealthy but the vast majority don't.   David Cameron is trying to privatise it now just leaving a very basic service for most of us and is promoting private medicine.  Well he is a multi millionaire so it's ok for him and his ilk.  Not the rest of us though.  Bev x
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    • Posted

      Our whole country is a mess. We really need to follow what the UK and Canada do w/ providing medical insurance to everyone. Too many people are dying because physicians and hospitals treat you very differently based on if your insured so they miss a lot of simple things that could be caught earlier and save lives. People go broke or work obscene amounts of jobs to get med insurance. It's a joke here. Plus we give free insurance to people who immigrate but not the natural citizens, how messed up is that. They have better rights than us. 
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    • Posted

      Hi I agree with you.  Healthcare is a basic human right and not a lifestyle choice.   As is a proper place to live and eough food to eat.  USA doesn't provide that either does it?   Not generally anyway.  x

       

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    • Posted

      No it does not. Nothing here is a basic human right. People here are homeless, starving, struggling to make a living and etc. If only we could follow in the footsteps of the UK or Canada we'd be in such better shape! 
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    • Posted

      I am so glad I am British Niki.   But this does bring it's own problems as every migrant seems to want to live here.   Also our taxes are a lot higher than yours and people kick off about that.   We do pay for it but the great thing about this country is it looks after those who need it.   Mind you with this reactionary Government we seem to be becoming more like the USA every day.  I dread that day. 

      I get free medical treatment and now I am over 60 all my meds are free.  I have heard awful stories of USA citizens being ill and needing oxygen but not able to pay for it etc.   I feel so sorry for them.   Or not being able to afford the drugs they need......

      I remember seeing a programme on the telly a while ago showing a huge group of homeless families in USA who queued all night to get free medical treatment.   One man needed an urgent hernia operation otherwise it could kill him.   He was told it would cost $20,000 and he couldn't raise that.  I am sure there are far worse stories than that but I have never forgotten it.  x

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    • Posted

      I really wish I was a Brit or even Canadian myself. We have a lot of immigrants who come here and get free medical insurance over the actual citizens who were born here not immigrated, how stupid is that? These people have more rights than I do a US Citizen! My government makes me sick that they let anyone from wherever into this country when how many countries hate us and are trying to constantly attack us with terrorism. But sure just keep letting people in without doing proper background checks and all. This country is a joke now. I really hope the UK doesn't turn into the US.

      Because I only work what's considered part-time I don't get benefits like medical and dental insurance so I have applied for what is called Medi-Cal which is for people who cannot afford insurance. Medi-Cal is for people who don't make as much money and cannot afford regular insurance if that makes sense? I just found out an hour ago they denied me yet they gave me no reason why they did. So now I have to go to the County Office and figure this all out. But yes it is very sad sooo many Americans cannot afford insurance and die because of things they cannot afford to get treated or they do and they go broke. Another problem is medications are insanely expensive. They can range from thousands to hundreds of dollars. It's just a nightmare and for people who do have insurance consider yourself very lucky because those of us who don't envy you!

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    • Posted

      Hi I should imagine the immigrants coming into your country are not working which is why they qualify for free medical insurance.  Once they are in jobs then I guess they wouldn't any more. 

      I only mentioned migrants because so many are determined to come into Britain because of the system and this does create problems for us here.  I am not against immigrants per se but we are only a very small island and are overcrowded as it is.   This is always a huge issue in this country.  Unfortunately they don't increase the hospitals or change the infrastructure which results in longer waiting times for all of us.  

      Our system isn't perfect by any means but I think a lot more humane than many countries.  We do pay for the NHS in increased taxes but if you can;t contribute ie on benefits etc. or retired then you are still entitled to great NHS services.   For that I am eternally grateful.  Bev x

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    • Posted

      I am in Australia and our system is slightly different to Uk but better than Usa i think. Everone pays a medicare levy in their wage tax. with that they get public hospitals(but may have to wait) and depending on their work status their drugs are subsidized. For instance I pay $26 for a months supply of Lexapro but a pensioner will only pay $5. My private healthcare $200 per month approx. not compulsory) doesnt cover meds only hospitals  and ops.but when i turn 65 i will get a health care card and pensioners rebate. A single mom with pension card will get the $5 price as will someone on an invalid pension. Now the govt are talking about charging $30 for pap smears which were free and mamagrams free also. So i think things are changing here also to what extent i dont know.  Dental care is very expensive here.

       

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    • Posted

      Hi I love hearing about how other countries operate.  Here working people pay 2 taxes - the NHS one which starts when you earn around £100-£120 a week on a sliding scale.  We also pay income tax and the threshold for this depends on your staus ie as a single person I could earn around £10-£11,000 before paying this.  It works out around 22-23% of earnings over this amount.  

      The NHS one covers all doctors visits,  hospitals and operations etc.   Then you don't pay directly for medicines but if you get it on prescription you pay around £8.20 per item regardless of the cost of the medicine.  Wales and Scotland don't have to pay presription charges,  but we in England do. 

      Anyone on benefits ie Job Seekers,  Sickness (ESA) or Income Support,  or over the age of 60 are currently exempt from prescription charges.  Those taking certain meds  ie thyroid ones eg get all their prescriptions free for everything.  

      Dental treatment used to be free on the NHS but came off it many years ago and is now charged separately,  but again those on certain benefits don't pay.  The same with eye tests and glasses.  x

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