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I'm stopping bupropion. My anxiety is definately better than when I was on it, especially the higher doses, but I currently keep reflecting on various unpleasant memories, not neccessarily traumatic, but unpleasant. Like I keep reviewing my entire life, not the good memories, but the bad ones, or especially things from when I was young, petty crime things where I could've gotten into trouble. At the moment, I'm wondering if there was or is something serious wrong with my brain that has lead me to be so stupid so often. Or just remembering cruel people and the bad things they did, not just to me but in general. Many of the kids I grew up or went to school with ended up in prison, addicted to heroin, and/or died young. Some of them are or were sociopathic. For whatever reason, my brain is making me review all of this information and I'm sick of it. Buproion definately didn't agree with me, and I know that most of this anxiety and obsessive thinking is simply a side effect of the drug, and now, a discontinuation symptom. Still, the anxiety also opened my eyes to many changes I needed to make in my life, many things to which I was numb or blind. I'm looking forward to getting this drug out of my system, but I also want to retain some of the wisdom gained from this otherwise miserable experience. I want enough perspective to improve my life, without being swamped with disgust for myself, though I probably deserve it. I'm trying not to hate myself. I think that self-loathing has been a major source of problems in my life. I'm just trying to see my way through it.
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