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Too young

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dollita
dollita

The title is what people keep telling me whenever I share my dark thoughts which are filled with naught but suicide methods and alternatives. I'm a 24 years old female. I used to attend university back in 2020 with the pursuit of becoming a paramedic, however my mental health went down the hills, severely. I guess it was the accumulation of past traumas and abuse. To be frank, my mental health was never truly stable. I've dealt with a profound sentiment of despair since I was 11 years old. I've been bullied since age 7 to 18 (after it was more toxic friendships, psychological abuse from relatives and relationships). But when I was 11 years old, I've been humiliated publicly with no adults to support me and it triggered within me a pain impossible to comfort 'till to this day. Death then became an option. As the years pass, suicide became the solution. I tried back in 2018, it was unsuccessful. It was a discreet attempt. I mixed alcohol and pills, I puked the entire night and got sick the following day. No one is aware of such thing.

And now, I'm considering it again. More prepared and organized. I have two weeks vacation at the end of summer. I have exactly 60 days before the end of my suffering. I wonder what's the point of living, you know? I sincerely never envisaged the possibility of seeing the past the age of 18. Now, I'm 24 and I have no clue what to do with my life, I've been living on auto-pilot. I haven't really prepared any proper savings because I know I won't live long. I guess I just want to know how it is for others. How some of you find the desire to live? What keeps you alive? What keeps you motivated?

I'm being told how young am I to contemplate death. How much time I have to enjoy life, how my death would be a waster. How just so young am I. Yet, I feel death has no age and no time. I cannot be too young for death as I've seen and experienced more than the bullying aforementioned at a very young age. (*I think I've been molested/sexually abused as I have some vague memories that are slowly coming back).

1 like, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • Emis_Moderator
    Emis_Moderator dollita

    Posted

    Hi dollita,

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    The Samaritans is a UK based charity, but they also have suggestions for how you can access help in other countries. If you are based in the US there are several helplines which can help you.

    They include the Crisis Call Center on Phone: (800) 273-8255;

    Hopeline Network on Phone: (800) 422-HOPE (1-800-422-4673)

    and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline on Phone: (800) 273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

    Please do reach out - there are many good people who can help.

    For users outside of the UK or USA please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory

    Kindest regards,

    Patient

  • sam18386
    sam18386 dollita

    Edited

    hi dolita, you're not too young for anything. i am training to be a counsellor and i will ask you this. if you don't want to be 'here' where is that to you? i want to find if you've made a lan if here means nowhere? i can't and won't tell you what to do. i will tell you this: you will have to decide what you want to do. only you. at 24 maybe you need for the moment to have no purpose to your life and just be freely. have you spoken to university to see if you can go back? write down your reasons for staying and reasons foe going in somewhere neutral like a coffee shop. i have had to do this ans i chose to stay. i will look for your name again. if i don't see it i know what you've decided. l will pray for you though. 🤞🤔

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