Tortured by having good dreams

Lately I have had a very odd problem. I have been trying to deny the problem until today when I woke up.

For at least a month or more I have been having a hard time finding the motivation to go to bed. It originally started out with me thinking it was just because I felt that I hadn't gotten enough meaningful work done while I was awake, but after I woke up today, I realized that I am being tortured by good dreams, as odd as that may sound.

Because this may have a lot more to do with my whole life situation, I didn't know if I should post this in the "Sleep Problems" part of the forum or if I should have posted it elsewhere in this forum.

I tried researching this problem on my own, but results for mostly insomnia and nightmares come up, which is the opposite of what I am dealing with. I have dealt with extreme nightmares in the past, but that hasn't happened in a long time.

To give some more perspective before I explain my issue, for years I have had Asthma, Sleep Apnea, Schizoaffective Disorder, but hadn't really started treating my Asthma and Sleep Apnea until last year, when I had tests done to check for them. Thankfully my Schizoaffective Disorder has never been bad enough to really need medication.

Last year, I had a lot of depression, but have been learning how to try to deal with that. I didn't used to have a lot of depression, but last year was difficult with having to let go of a cat that I raised for six months and put down an old cat. The first cat was still alive, but we had to find it a home, and putting down the old cat was really hard for me because I have a huge soft spot for cats.

Anyway, I've had a hard time waking up earlier during the winter where I currently live becuase of how cold it gets, but last year I found out I have Foliculitus(I don't know if I spelt that correctly), and have been taking Doxycycline as a temporary fix until I am able to move closer to a Dermatologist. Unfortunately without this medication, I am very itchy most of the time, but when I do take it, I have an even harder time waking up, no matter what day or season it is. When it's not winter, I have a hard time waking up any earlier than noon, and when it's winter, I have a hard time waking up earlier than 3:30pm. I have tried going to bed earlier, but when I do that, I just end up getting more sleep and still can't wake up earlier.

Now, the biggest problem when it comes to my sleeping that I have noticed lately is when I have dreams. This normally wouldn't be a problem, but I have been living out in a small town that I call "the middle of nowhere" for almost 2 and a half years now. I have a hard time making friends with any of the locals, because almost no one near my age lives in this town, and I grew up in a much more populated area, so I'm not used to being so isolated and having such limited options when it comes to socializing. Also, the nearest town where I buy groceries is 45 miles away, which is a chore to drive to and back each time, so trying to socialize there isn't affordable because it takes so much gas just to get groceries. Basically, to put it shortly, I have nothing going for me in this town. My wife and I only moved here because the doctors were terrible where we used to live, but long term they aren't much better here. We do have plans to move sometimes this year, but even before we moved here I felt isolated for the past 4.5 years.

And to get to my problem, I have been having dreams where I am hanging out with old friends, in towns that I used to live in, hundreds of miles of where I live now. When I wake up, I feel like my dreams are torturing me, even taunting me, as if they are saying "You had this once, and you're probably never going to have it that good again. Haha. You'll just be stuck, alone forever".

So, I don't want to keep having those dreams, and that is why I am having an extremely hard time finding the motivation to go to bed. Falling asleep isn't the problem, having dreams is. I've felt isolated for so long, sometimes it feels like I'll never have it as good as I used to socially, like I'll never have friends nearby again. Also, I don't know if it matters, but I recently turned 28. I apologize for the length of this.

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