Totally lost all interest in everything

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sad

Its 3.20pm, been awake since 6.30am, and have not got up. dwelling on my health all day, I can't get it out of my head. It's driving me crazy.

I have totally lost all interest in everything.

The morbid thoughts are the worst. My mind keeps saying 50 at the most, thats only 8 more years.

I don't want to die, I want to live.

Still have no appointment to see a chest specialist. It's nearly 12 weeks since being diagnosed. Not that he can do anything. ?

I dont know how to cope anymore with this. I had a life in March and now it's gone.

I don't watch TV anymore, I no longer do my website, I shut it down, I spent years making it. I used to be on top of everything I did. I'm getting forgetful, I havent spoken to friends in months, I ignore phone calls and skype calls. All I do is google copd every moment of being awake.

I just do not see how I can get to a good age with 52% fev1

sorry if I have repeated myself.

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Looking at your age and fev1 again I cant understand why you think you wont live long. At your age and fev1 and the fact that you no longer smoke ... you will have around 1.2L of lung function still remaining in 30 years time when you are 72 years old. By then there will probably be a cure or at least much better treatment.
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  • Posted

    Thanks for the reply.

    My problem is I have spent three months googling, all my Dr's surgery did was give me a leaflet called copd and nothing else. I asked for the xray, I have not been given any info at all. All I know is I am 1% off moderate. And 26% off severe.

    Which made me think not much time. This is how I came up with the calculation of not being here long.

    i then read the following

    [b:a1802f8666]========================

    When John did it back in 2002, his FEV1 was 0.86 and his expected FEV1 at the age of 58 and a height of 5 feet 8 inches was 3.16. So 0.86 over 3.16 times 100 equals 27%. “27%? He exclaimed, \"27% of normal!”. The consultant was hesitant and then said “you have Severe Emphysema” pointing at the X-rays and then added “don’t worry, it’s not life threatening”. “Oh great” John said “Not now maybe, but how about later?” The consultant shrugged his shoulders “Nobody knows. You might be hit by a bus for all I know.” Why do people always come up with that? thought John - and then he exclaimed \"I’m now paranoid about buses!\"

    Since 2002 John's FEV1 declined to 0.5 by 2007, which is a larger drop than should be expected over 5 years. However, in 2002 it was probably on the verge of dropping anyway. Average annual decline is around 0.03 if you do not smoke, twice that if you do.[/b:a1802f8666]

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  • Posted

    that guy Johns expected fev1 was a whole litre more than I can do now at 42.

    Paul

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  • Posted

    If you have about 2.4L after medication and you lose an average of say 40mls a year it will take 30 years to get to 1.2L

    John had 0.86L and lived for a further 5 years after that.

    I agree about the drs .... they do tend to just diagnose and then shove you out the door quick with a booklet ( I never even got a booklet) .... they should understand that people are going to worry and address that side of things better.

    Remember ... most people with copd live into the 70s ... and often longer. Thats a fact.

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  • Posted

    Hi Rib

    thanks for your reply. I'm basicaly emotionaly drained.

    Thing is that guy John had 0.86L and lived for 5 years.

    I have say 2.4 L

    if I lost 0.86 over the same 5 years, I would need 1.72 over 10 years

    God I hope I am wrong.

    I'm completely wrecked with worry

    Paul

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  • Posted

    Paul,

    I agree when you are first diagnosed it is pretty scary.

    Using the net for information is very useful, but you have to be realistic and bear in mind the one important thing. The net info is general, but everyone is different.

    Your doctor is correct. If you have mild COPD now and you look after yourself, by not smoking, gentle exercise is important, good food and getting on top of any infections early, there is no reason why you should not live into your 70s

    I actually know how you are feeling as I have been there myself over a different matter. I think it is paramount that you ask your GP as soon as possible be honest and tell him how you are feeling and ask him to refer you to a specialist, where you can get all the answers to your questions.

    The one thing that you need at the moment is re assurance and the best person to get that from is a chest consultant.

    In 2005 my FEV1 was 0.35 For years I cannot move the peak flow meter beyond 90

    It is important that you spend some parts of the day trying to get your mind off of that FEV1. Can you not re open your website and decide to spend 15 minutes a day to start with on it. Or 15 minutes walking which will be helping your condition.

    Let me know how you get on

    Tessa

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  • Posted

    HI PAUL, I was diagnosed iwth c.o.p.d.nearly 14 years ago when I became breathless when walking uphill. Over the years things have got worse but I could handle it. Ocassionaly I would have excerbations when breathing got very difficult. and I would end up in hospital. I also have bronchiestasis -another lung condition which does'nt help ma.tters. Tobe honest with you Paul I think you are running before you walk . You appear to have a very long way to go yet and are panicing unnecassarily. I have learnt that 'life' is about quality not quantity. Live it to the full as much as you can. Your body will tell u when to stop and in the meantime don't waste time wondering what might be. Go out there and enjoy it. Sorry if I appear to be patronising but I've had this so long I have learnt to take a day at a time and make the most of it. WE are all different - my consultant, when asked gave me 2-3 years to live some 6 years ago. I'm still here although I must admit that progressively over the last 9 months I have got alot worse and am now really struggling. Enough of me . By-the-way I'm female , 65, and dare I say it I still smoke. If I can be of further help pl.let me know. Bestwishes - Caz
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