Trouble with anxiety

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Hey. I'm new here and I'm thinking I want to try and write this down.

I'm 36yo man and married, first baby on the way and I'm struggling. Not with the marriage

Not with the baby, but with absolutely everything else. I have a reasonable home, I work for

Good people. I have some amazing friends, and I've had a pretty interesting life. My problem is

That day by day I seem to be slipping into a more confused state. I am suffering with anxiety so badly that I have to drag myself to work, the only thing that gets me there is the fact I don't want my wife to know how I'm feeling. I'm on the edge of tears most of the day, I suffer with tight chest and that constant sickness in the pit of my stomach, pressure behind my eyes, I always feel flushed and self aware but the worst of it is a constant fear of everything. I constantly have to regulate my breathing for fear of a panic attack. And I constantly hide it from everyone. I've started going to the bathroom at work every hour on the hour, washing my hands before I go in, spending a few minutes where no one can see me so I can relax for a second, flushing the toilet (even though I haven't had to use it) coming out and washing my hands again, and then I get back into hiding the way I'm feeling again. The only time I dot feel like this is on a Sunday when I get to spend the day with my amazing wife. I sound very selfish because I know I have the relationship most people would do anything for, a good life in general and a little girl on the way. This is what scares me, there is no rational reason for my anxiety. I believe I have or I am developing some sort of mental illness. I worry about everything from money to health to the way people see me to my performance at work to my future. I hate it and don't know what to do. On the outside I'm together, but inside I'm in knots. Completely out of control. I've come close to suicide four times in 8 years and I've had to shout at myself to stop myself from doing anything. No one knows how close I've come and I'm truly ashamed to know how close I have been in the past.

I used to be the sort of person who had everything sorted. And I hate the person I am now.

There are many more sides to my daily anxiety and I have to say some of the posts here have helped me recognise it for what it is. I can't do meds, I won't do meds, but I don't know what to do.

I don't know if anyone here recognises any of these feelings or thoughts or if they can offer any advice. I would be truly greatful. My dream is to see my wife and my little girl happy, and loved, and safe. I don't want to continue down his road for fear (that word again) of affecting them.

Thanks in advance.


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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi red 7 , great that you have posted to ask for help and advice , its takes a lot of courage to do this ? , you are on the road to recovery by posting , and acknowledging you have some issues that are causing you some problems , have you had a general check up at the doctors , a full blood test to see whether their are any medical issues that can be causing the problem , it may be thyroid ? , have you spoken to your gp ? , I totally inderstand you do not want meds , do you have someone you can confide in ? If not , try ringing samaritans ,or asking if you can see a councillor through your gp .

    Write down your anxieties ? And how you feel you can resolve them writing it down may help considerably , you need a plan to resolve your issues , start at the gp , get a full blood test if you havent done this , or go to your gp for some advice

    Best wishes

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  • Posted

    Hello, thank you for your kind advice Helen 40, it is truly appreciated. As per this misunderstood thing we call anxiety I actually woke this morning very charged and positive. Not the way I would normally feel on a Tuesday.

    I know this probably isn't a long term change, but I wonder if posting here was a little release...kind of like saying it to the wall or giving yourself a pep talk.

    It made me wonder if others gain the same from posting their feelings or concerns?.


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  • Posted

    Great your feeling more positive , a problem shared is a-problem halved , keep going forward with this , consider what you may want to do to continue on this path , on ward and upward !

    Never give in , never surrender !

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  • Posted

    Getting married, having a child and being the main breadwinner is enough to make anyone panic. Your panic is more exaggerated than most, your whole world is about to change forever and it's scary so don't beat yourself up for wanting a happy family life for you and yours. Suicide is something you must talk to your Doctor about and 'u decide' to make the changes necessary to make you think about life differently. Women get depression during childbirth, perhaps men do too, after all they are about to become parents too.

    Depression is common amongst men I think it has always been there but men didn't talk about it. They do now and there is no shame in it. Mental health problems are just problems with that part of the body. You wouldn't beat yourself up if you had appendicitis would you. Read books for self help if you don't want to open up to your Doctor just yet. You don't have to take medication but you need to make some changes. If your not happy in your work, think about another career. I know now is probably a scary time to think about changes when you are trying to hold yourself together but you are happy with your partner and looking forward to Fatherhood so look for the areas in your life that are not making you happy. Perhaps you are shy and work in a sociable environment which is always going to make you feel uncomfortable. So love who you are and fit the world around you in a way that makes you happy. Depression in men in their twenties and thirties can clear up just as easily as it arrived but if you are feeling in any way desperate please, please, please seek help.

    Depression is a serious health problem and you need to look after yourself properly. Talking about it openly is step one and you will be surprised how many people out there will know a lot or a little about what you are feeling. It really is more common than you would think. Step two don't hide how you feel or be embarrassed about it, step three believe you can change the way you are feeling with help and you can. Good luck I'm sure you will make a wonderful sensitive father. x

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  • Posted

    The Depression Cure by Dr Steve Llardi try this book you can get it at the Library and it can be the first of many to help you. Actually I have just spotted him on You tube as well. Good luck in your recovery x
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