Trying so hard to be alcohol free, but my world around me is falling apart. Please I need support.

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Three years ago started drinking from stress at a job. The drinking became worse so quit the job.  Next job was to stressful too, so quit that one because drinking became even worse.  Then my mom died and family members are trying to get all of the inheritance and trying to make me look bad so they can get mine too. They don't know I drink, they've been doing things like saying I took all of moms valuables, when I didn't, they did. Saying terrible hurtful things about me that's not true.  I don't even live in the state they live in! They've always been the greedy type.  Now I'm unemployed at age 58, no degree to fall back on, only work experience.  We can't afford all our bills so we put them on credit cards what we don't have money for.  I quit drinking 2 weeks ago and I'm having a very difficult time dealing with my world around me falling apart and trying to not drink.  Somedays seem almost impossible. I've handle the drinking part ok other than bad bad cravings everyday.  I just need support from since my family are not there for me.  My husband, I think, is trying to not crack under all this pressure.  He's been a great support, but I feel I've taxed him out.  Any help or advice would be so appreciated. Thank you!

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  • Posted

    gayl -

    That's a really tough set of circumstances, may you heal from your mother's loss soon! It sounds like if you could get the cravings under control and stay away from the alcohol, some things might sort themselves out. Following a protocol that that's cut my alcohol consumption considerably and it uses a medication that helps curb cravings. In the U.S., it's typically prescibed for use while being abstinent. You can read more about it here: 

    https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder/related

    If you can get the cravings off your back, it might help you to better deal with some of the emotional challenges you're facing. Take a look and see if you think it might help.

    If your household income is below a certain threshold, the county you're in and/or the utility companies may offer to help with your utility bills in one way or the other, perhaps see if you can find more information on the web about that. You may also want to see if you can qualify for a credit card that offers a lower "balance transfer" rate, but do take care to check all the details and fees. There are often other types of assistance for low income families. 

    It's difficult when familly members are hateful towards you, but if your mother left a will, what they say about that may only be so much bluster. Perhaps see if there are lawyers in your area that offer pro-bono help for those with a low income. One of them may be able to give you advice on how to proceed, if you really need to do anything at all. As I understand it, it just depends on laws of the State and county that your mother was a resident of and whether she left a will or not.

    Also, look into counseling for low income households in your area, there may be opportunities to talk with a counselor or therapist who charges on a sliding scale. Temporary Agencies can offer a way of leveraging your skills into a different line of work, perhaps exposing you to types of jobs you didn't know about. Your county likely offers employment counseling too and may have job listings that you can peruse online. If you can nail down a new job, call some of your creditors and explain that you can't pay them the full amount right now, but will be able to by such and such a date. Try to cut your expenses however you can, plan this out with your husband. Work together to see if you can find a light at the end of the tunnel. 

    As far as your family goes, try to limit contact for now, you're not likely to change them and you certainly don't need their lies and negativity. Perhaps after the dust all settles, their attitudes will change and you will feel stronger. 

    My heart goes out to you Gayl, best wishes and I hope things turn around for you soon!

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    • Posted

      ADEfree:  Thank you for your kind words of advice.  I really appreciate help.  I know life situations change in time and can get better.  I just feel this time around I'm stuck in a mud hole and still sinking in it.  It's going to take a very long time to recover from the increased credit card debt. I've got to get out of this mud hole, get a job, not drink troubles away, and live again.  I just can't seem to find the strength to do it.  It's like I have no drive or strength to do it.  It's like starting all over again at age 58. Yesterday was a bad day. Found out I didn't get the job I thought for sure I'd get. So another set back in my emotional state.  Good thing was... I didn't go buy beer, even though I wanted to.  I am proud of myself for that.

       

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  • Posted

    Hi Gayle, ADEfree below has given lots of good advice for certain and you are in a very hard situation indeed. I was made redundant 3times over 5 years and it was hard to cope with since my wife was unemployed and we had 2 yr old twins as well. TOO much vodka and more and eventually managed to stop since I could have lost my family. However, your situation is tricky and working is important. I actually found voluntary work quite nice and it helped me get out of the house and also stopped me from drinking. Perhaps your GP can help?? do come back with more feedback since we are here to help you and I do support you since you are trying so hard not to drink! you are a strong person for certain! Robin
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    • Posted

      Robin2015:  Thank you for reaching out to me. I came to this website because I felt I would find people who could relate to drinking problems and share with me their stories. Thank you for sharing yours. I'm happy to hear you finally could stop drinking! Very encouraging for me!!.

      I never thought about volunteer work.  Maybe I can find a part time job and also volunteer.  Maybe I'll have more success at finding a part time job anyway since employment is hard to find where I live that's pays over $8.00 per hour. Anxiety attacks have stop me from taking some jobs I was offered.  I just felt scared to take them on and my chest would hurt real bad, so that scared me even more.  Went to the doctor several times, was given anxiety medication, but it only put me to sleep.  Got some natural meds and that helped some.  I've read where people who drink a lot can become low in vitamins and minerals, so I've been taking them to help rebuild my body and nerves back up again.  I just need a  low stress job.

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    • Posted

      Gayl -

      Check with your doctor about this first, but a number of people get good results from a combo of GABA and L-Theanine. One thing about cutting out the drink is that alcohol has a GABA-like effect on your brain and that has a big calming effect. When you stop drinking, you don't have that effect any more and it takes a while for your brain to adjust, which can mean anxiety or panic attacks for some folks. More on that later, I have to go jump in the shower. 

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