Trying to be serious about it, not a joke.

Greetings, so I had a few hospitalisations and was diagnosed Schizoaffective in the end however I am feeling a lot better now, this was over a a period of 10 years. I have a theory as to why I became so mentally ill, when I was 21 I was performing really well at the hotel managment school I was enrolled in I was passing everything almost top of the class then I met this Indian Muslim girl she had blue eyes and really light skin her name began with A, anyway I really liked her because she looked like a dream to me so I got drunk one night and she came up too me at a nightclub and we ended sharing saliva for 3 weeks, I don't mean to bring crudeness to the forum but after this all happened I felt myself getting depressed and and being unable to go to class, I pretty much defaulted on my education a few days into this happening. Anyway im 37 now and she has always been in my heart as though parts of her have become me and I wonder if this has to do with sharing Saliva with her, I haven't been able to fall in love with anyone else and I could date her if I wanted too and sometimes talk to her, it just hurts I feel as though nature has gone haywire because I missed out on falling in love with so many women. She is wildy promiscous and drinks a lot and has a great job, I am wondering if my body is fighting with stronger chemical coding than I'm used too. Any help would be appreciated.

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